This is.. the dating chat thread, number 38

[lubeybooby]

All dating related chit chat, as usual... in here

off we go! :o

Sorry Juliette - date 2 was originally arranged for a certain day but he had to cancel due to working late and rearranged for a couple of days later - yesterday evening but ended up being overnight too.

What is it that he's doing to make you not trust things? You only saw him today! If he didn't want to see you, he wouldn't....

Poppy I wouldn't worry

Much as I loved BC I still needed some me time. Didn't mean anything with regards to how much I liked him and all that

I know you're right. It's me. He's really lovely and doesn't do anything that makes me doubt him. I just have to keep reminding myself, he's not my cheating ExH and this is a very different relationship.

Then I get worried about pushing him away or putting him off me by the way I behave. Do you get the impression I am just a worrier?

Does this dating get any easier? I still feel a complete novice.

Sorry, been out all night. I don't recall you offering your lingerie pics, Juliette. If I overlooked, I apologise profusely. Although you could have just sent them anyway!

Will catch up properly tomorrow. Just wanted to say that I got a bus tonight for the first time ever, well in a long time. The bus driver was someone who contacted me on POF, a few months ago. I didn't let him see my pic as I thought he wasn't my type, his photo was OK but occupation etc and he said something slightly odd so I stopped contact.

Soon as I got on the bus I recognised him and he was hot!!! Bit young for me, but a very pleasant person. I would have gone out with him if I had known, Just saying you can never tell! Of course, I couldn't exactly say anything.

Told mrcouncilman about the things banging and crashing and he came over

Just spent a lovely hour talking and then kissing - this one I really like

Voice it must have been some other man then.

I'm vair free with my favours

MsC so let me get this straight. You concoct tell him the story about your having zombies in the dining room and MrC comes to your rescue. You are good

Juliette - I feel left out now

backonline that was me talking about seeing someone for a while, falling for them but still no sex... then finding out that for one of many reasons the sex isn't going to work between you.

The one who wouldn't admit it warned me he had trouble with new situations sex wise but would be fine soon. I said ok no worries we'll take it easy. We tried over several more dates (ten) to have sex and nope, wasn't working (we did other things of course in my attempt to take the pressure off him)

A few more dates and it really wasn't a 'new' situation he was in any more. By this time I'd been seeing him about five months total and attempting to have sex for three of those months. I tried to talk to him to say maybe this problem had progressed into something more long term and he insisted it hadn't. So I suggested that getting some initial help (viagra/levitra/cialis) might help get his confidence back if he was sure that was what it was... he refused.

Well that was extraordinarily patient for me as I really liked him and had done my best to remove all pressure and help with confidence but that was just enough when he denied it and refused.

Anyway backonline I didn't mean to make you worried about your first night with the new chap... as I said at the time I'm sure I just had a very unusual run of rotten luck in that department. I'm sure you'll have a great time. Have fun!

Middy No, I slept with him simply because I wanted to, regardless of how he chooses to behave now. It's not something that I have done before, as I was in a relationship with STBXH at a relatively young age and can't really call on my 'experiences' as a young woman before that time. I know I need to work on my self-esteem, it is poor, although I come across as quite confident in RL.

Re Mr Full On being genuine, reading what I have written makes me think what has he actually done for me to think he isn't? And are these insecurities just coming from me? And why am I analysing it all so much given that it's two dates, so should I just get a grip?

Can't believe you're 11 pages into the new thread already?!

Well I cancelled my Saturday date which would have been my first one in nearly 18 months. The guy was sweet but he mentioned his ex all the time, literally, her name came up in every conversation we had. Final straw was when making arrangements for Saturday, we had a bit of to-ing and fro-ing about where best to meet, then he came up with a good idea (museum), and after I agreed he messaged back to say, "Ooh I hope my ex isn't there, she goes to the museum a lot. Lol!"

That was it for me, I knew more about her than I knew about him, so I said I'd had second thoughts as his constant references to her made me think he was still emotionally attached. He was very nice, denied it, however he didn't answer one point I made, which was that it sounded as though they had separated more recently than a year ago, which was what he said.

Other messages have been few and far between. I've had one guy (whom I didn't really fancy but was trying not to be picky) turn from whimsical to teasing to snide, sending messages with convoluted/smartarse digs at me, then 'apologising', then doing it again (I've ignored all of them but they just keep coming...)

Guy posing in a suit in a shopping mall messaged to say that my profile was too long "but" I have an attractive face, in a 'I'll do you if I have to, I guess' kind of tone.

Other than that just lots of really short guys!

Tamoo - it'll pick up, I'm sure. Good call on Mr-Still-Into-His-Ex though. If he's like that now, he'd probably end up 'oh Susan didn't butter toast like that, susan doesn't like that kind of wine, Susan didn't make sex noises like that.. etc' - not going to end well.

On an unrelated note, I'd heard vaguely somewhere that when your subscription on Match was coming to an end, they would suddenly coincidentally send you lots of very attractive matches who they'd somehow forgotten about before in a cynical attempt to get you to resubscribe. This doesn't seem to be the case -

I've cancelled my subscription as there's not much point while I'm trying to get the new job/flat/country/learning a language sorted out, and pickings are thin on Match in Budapest - but they keep sending me match-mails of women who are just frankly scary-looking.

I looked briefly on POF for women in Budapest onine in the last week - there are 9. 3 are attractive-ish. Bugger. Guess I'll have to do the Real life thing for someone to show me around the city..

tamoo good decision regarding the ex thing. Sounded like he just wanted someone to talk to about his ex which is terribly unattractive.
As for the others, man in the suit sounded like a total tosser. So you should be grateful for his crumbs. why don't you just fuck off? Would be a suitable reply.
And the weird apologising/insulting messaging is just weird.

You are not alone in suffering from the delights of the emotionally incontinent.

I was messaged yesterday by a man who has a very good education, head of an RnD department and had a nice picture of him on a business trip. I assumed maybe, just maybe he would have some emotional wherewithal. Nope. We casually arranged to meet for a drink on the 10th feb and since then he has bombarded me with messages about venues, xxx, etc. The last one was 'your room or mine?' WTF??

Fireman - sent him a friendly neutral text about my day and how was his. Nice text with a question about how often I see my son replied. I answered his text. He then text asking if I was ok as he didn't think I seemed happy on text? What? I replied I was happy. He replied he was going to stop texting before he blows it. Why can't we just have a normal conversation?

Scatty I admire your tenacity wrt the fireman but are you sure it's really worth it? He sounds exhausting, and that's just the texting part.

Businessman twat doesn't surprise me, I've posted before about how 'successful' men seem to think they're already in by virtue of their professional/money-making qualities, eg the bloke who brought an overnight bag to our first date, I also had a GP once announce at our first coffee meeting that he was deleting his profile when he got home because he wanted to see how things panned out with me - didn't even ask if I wanted to see him again (I didn't), just assumed I would be because he'd be defined as 'a good catch'. I'm sure it's another entitlement thing.

Not dating related but had a bad day yesterday. Dcs both talking about how much they miss the old house, friends etc. god, so do I. I want to go back. Not really but Im a bit "homesick" even though we've been here eighteen months now. Old house was beautiful, detached period house in a little village, huge garden, good friends nearby, very flexible hours at work. Now we are in horrible 60s semi with no carpets and nasty neighbours, my working day is a lot longer, no money spare to do house up or let dcs have treats. Have had to tell them that yet again i cant afford to take them abroad over summer. Theyve never been further than wales. Feel like I've let the children down and made lots of wrong decisions.

Eldest also told me that ex did something I don't know about and threatened her if she ever told. I said he wouldn't know. She said, yes he would as I'd have to do something about it. She wont tell me. Oh god.

FM does sound exhausting, but I'm not a fan of trying to have "conversations" over text.

Businessmen aren't my type at all, but I had one date with someone who was a bit international businessy. I found it really off putting. He kept mentioning his secretary etc and of course finding a time to meet had to require him to update me on his flight schedule for the next couple of weeks. There was a distinct whiff of bullshit exaggeration, and if it was an attempt to impress me then he was clearly crap at reading people.

Western that's horrible, especially that your ex actually threatened her?! I've had ex come up with dodgy ideas and a 'don't tell your mother' attitude but that's one step beyond.

Re. businessmen, I actively avoid all the 'work hard play hard/I like the finer things in life/I'm so lucky' type profiles, far too much material focus.

oww your children are loved dearly by you and they are safe because you are keeping them safe. You are doing such an amazing job. Maybe your DD will talk to you in time. They will be ok without a big holiday.

Fireman is mildly exhausting. I don't feel like I want to phone him though as I feel like I'm intruding. He says he isn't used to texting. And round in circles we go...if we get to it, I'm giving him 3 more dates to wise up a bit. Then that's it. I've given him enough elastic.

oww that's horrible, poor wee soul. Is the maybe another 'trusted adult' she could tell, so she isn't breaking a soecific promise not to tell you? Then if it's significant enough that someone has to act on it, the other person can act. That's a huge thing for a small person to carry around.

The nameless one messaged me a lovely one liner late one night, tha he is smiling at the prospect of a 'cosy cup of tea' with me. :) just realised he lives 10 minutes from where I grew up, which is only 20 minutes by train from where I am now. I am considering practicalities, that's never a good sign when one is trying to maintain a veneer of nonchalance.

Fireman does sound a bit like hard work - but LM is hard work in a way too but worth it. I'm sure I am hard work sometimes too. I think giving him a bit more time is sensible. Maybe he'll settle down a bit.

On living somewhere lovely and then living somewhere un-lovely...

We had an amazing top half of a converted Victorian mansion in a tiny little village on the coast about an hours drive form Glasgow. I loved it. Garden with a cherry tree, views towards sheep-studded hills from one giant bay window, views over the sea from the other. Two public rooms, three bedrooms, giant kitchen. Study. XP was unhappy, it was 'too far' fromGlasgow and his friends, the commute was too difficult, the heating was ancient (central heating, coal fire powered) Eventually I agreed to move back to Glasgow. We sold the house barely scraping, one we had paid off debts, including those solely in his name and rented a tiny pokey wimpy home back in Glasgow, while we looked for somewhere to buy....and that's when I found out he'd been having an affair with a woman living 20 miles from Glasgow in the opposite direction and the 'difficult' commute was the one to her bed.

I'm actually (still) more upset about the house than him dicking around on me and giving me the STD. :)

But. I can't change that, we now live somewhere nice again, the kids are all fab, with a few problems. We're happy enough...so look at where you are now as a transitional stop off. You and DCs have each other. you are doing the very best you can under very difficult circumstances and while a holiday would be nice (oh! It really would!) it's only something extra. :)

The kindness of some people on this thread is amazing. You know who you are. Thank you.