it's a new dawn, it's a new day ..........it dating thread 36!

[lulubellaboozle]

Post away daters x

[watchoutforthatsnail]

i agree. its not really whittery stuff if its making you so upset, all the time.

We cant lie and say its great... its clearly not and is a situation where you clearly are not happy.

If you dont want to post, dont, it would be sad to see you go, but like juliette says, its not going to make it stop and you be ok with it.

I know its hard, and i would agree with juliette, maybe you arent quite ready to date again. We are all a work in progress, but you dont have to be or put yourself in a position where you feel upset. There is no shame in being single.

If im wholly honest, im only now really ready for a relationship. Its been just over 4 years since i split up with my ex husband. It takes a long time to heal, and even more so when the relationship has been abusive. there is no shame andnothing wrong with this, you know that.....

[JulietteMontague]

Western please don't stop posting, this is the place where we all post our whittly stuff. There is no point in us all saying its ok when we see you so unhappy, that will just perpetuate it. You not posting here won't make it ok either sweetheart.

[Scattylatte]

I'd to share this conversation I have had with a man from POF.
Him: hi, I've got some (clothed) pics of me to send have you an email address?
Me: yes - he sends a picture of himself with 5 totally stunning women.
Me: you look nice but can't really see as the picture is dominated by women
Him: does that make you feel jealous or inferior?
Me: neither
Him: the one in green is my ex. Seriously hot in many ways
Me: I'm not interested in your ex
Him: you are really boring. It's very hard to have a conversation with you. I give up.
Me: ok
Him: I assume your rudeness is down to bad manners.

Wtf?? I do laugh at the absolute incredulity of it all

[Scattylatte]

His last email was 'I think I dodged a nut job there'.
No dear...It was me who dodged the bullet!!

[grinchie]

nomore yay - updates, please maybe loo updates even?

scatty yikes. What a twat charmer.

[VelvetSpoon]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I understand why Western may want to take a break from posting.

I truly believe that everyone gives their advice on this thread with the best of intentions, there is much kindness and love here and that's why the thread has gone on for so long.

But sometimes you can have too much advice, so much so that you feel you can't see the wood for the trees. In all honesty this is why I am posting much less than I did. I don't think anyone's relationship (or whatever you can call it before it's a relationship) or behaviour can ever look good under intense scrutiny. Plus we all have different expectations and needs.

That said if something makes you unhappy, that's not normally a good sign. BUT equally (and Western I'm sorry if it appears I'm trying to talk for you, I know you don't need me too as you are more than eloquent) when you've been in an abusive relationship, it can a) be very hard to speak up about stuff (because you are used to keeping the peace, not rocking the boat etc - I still do this myself) and b) you may be more sensitive to, and upset by things that others wouldn't, overthink things and pick fault, because your experience is that relationships go wrong and end badly. I know because I've been there.

Western, in your position I would just have a little break, just to process everything without feeling that you have to make an immediate decision about it. You don't. Give some thought to what makes you happy, and unhappy, and whether these are simply niggles with LM which you can on balance ignore, or if they are more fundamental. Only you can know the answer to that. I wish you luck in whatever you decide, and hope at some point you will come back :)

[VelvetSpoon]

and just to add, NoMore, good luck for tonight. Hope all goes well. He will probably be nervous too :)

[watchoutforthatsnail]

well said velvet.

i think thats what i meant to say, just maybe in not such an eleoquent way.

[Yogagirl17]

Hello been reading & catching up with all the happenings on here, good & bad. Too much going on for me to just jump in and ad my 2p worth so am going back to lurking. I have a weekend of no kids, lots of films & Greys Anatomy to watch and nice chocolate. I'm happy.

[JulietteMontague]

Oh dear, apologies for the multiple posts - MN was down here for a while and each click has reposted.

Velvet and Western to clarify, my first post is not saying it is anyone's fault, or that somehow magically anyone is meant to just get on with it after an abusive relationship. I've also been there and if anything, its the opposite in that it takes a very long time to be in a position to recover to the degree where, for example, you can speak your mind without fear of the consequences.

nomore hope it goes well!

[Scrazy]

Velvet, great post.

OWW, yes have a break but come back and let us know how you are. We all hope it works out well for you. If it doesn't then a little bit of support from this forum can help get you through a few lonely nights. That's how I use it. I was in a 'relationship' for a year during 2012, well 3 years if you count the casual stuff but came back when it was ending.

Nomore, have a great night, I'm sure you will have lots to chat about and don't forget he is on the date too and needs to impress you equally.

[Nomorepain]

Eeeek in taxi and seriously nervous!!!!!

[lubeybooby]

Good luck Nomore!

[grinchie]

Anything from nomore?
I'm crossing everything for a bit of romance

[ike1]

dont look my way grinchie ...only more sledging and wine necking plus soup scoffing going on here...

[lubeybooby]

Scatty oh my god only just seen that conversation... missed it earlier.

What a complete weirdo/prat/many insults I could apply here

Bit early for an update from Nomore just yet (if it's going well that is... looks like it might be :o )

[grinchie]

Sledging? Wine? Soup? These are a few of my favourite things Ike it's just me and Jonathan Ross here (and I don't even like Jonathan Ross).

[ike1]

Yes .....life could be much worse....

[DaydreamDolly]

Dating sucks

[ike1]

oh dear Daydream ......wassup lovely.....have some wine/soup.

[DaydreamDolly]

Just disappointed. Great few dates, he seemed as into me as I to him, but today he's been rubbish. Hungover and living up to his Mr Slow nickname, after frenzied texting the last few days. And we had discussed the possibility of meeting up today for lunch or tonight, and he didn't mention either. So feel a bit deflated, think he's gone off the boil.
Thanks for the wine, needed

[KirstyWirsty]

Yes ike your ex could still be in it!!!

[ike1]

Well yes ...but they kind of still are....in slightly irritating/innocuous ways...I am not so twitch/bored. Thats cos I am seeing people and doing stuff..

[ike1]

Daydream... dunno what to say really....disappointing certainly...I am crap and irritable with a hangover tho...certainly would avoid a date with someone special...I would blow it!

[grinchie]

Dolly ask Ike for a go on her sledge too.

Dolly are you sure he wasn't just having an off day?
It's the sort of thing I could easily do: go on a date when I'm feeling ropey rather than cancel it, then get there and be tired/dull.
I'm sorry it didn't go so well.
Will you see him again?