Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

[lubeybooby]

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

Rarely do that...find phones excrutiating....

I am an odd bod tho...so pay no attention

Jaffa I dont find phone chats very helpful but I often skype before meeting someone.
Guess we all develop out own procedures via trial & error:)

I don't usually talk to dates beforehand on the phone. I find talking to someone I've never met quite uncomfortable so unless they're hugely chatty (rare in my exp) it just feels awkward. Plus I giggle a lot when I'm nervous and that's a lot more irritating over the phone than it is in RL.

I also don't think it's always a good guide as to how well you actually will get on when you meet. I went on a date a couple of years ago with a guy I'd spoken to several times on the phone, the date itself was rubbish, no spark of any kind. Whereas Cuthbert who I think I'd exchanged maybe 10 messages and 3 texts with pre-date, and who I thought was going to be boring as hell, was by far the best first date I've ever had.

Bant just to add, I think that's pretty rude of Shoegirl. If I was her, and my DC was ill, I would have waited a couple of minutes to tell you in person. I'd be doubtful it was so urgent she couldn't have waited to do so. Leave the ball very much in her court re next date.

A guy asked me to skype last night I said no. I skype family and always think I look horrible on it. I seem to look better on MSN webcam, maybe it's my mouth moving that I cannot stand to look at .

Ninah, I'm not holding my breath for this guy as it will be giving him a second chance but I'm trying to find distractions to get me over my recent break-up.

Bant, did Shoegirl tell you she was actually there. I think it's so rude, she could have come in quickly to tell you what has happened with her DC.

Snape, well done giving up the fags. I did it for almost 2 years but hence recent break-up have started again so have to give up again when I feel ready. Stupid me!

Bant, cross post with Velvet re Shoegirl.

I agree...cancelling like that is tantamount to standing you up!

So, since I told Spacetwunt I'd see him next weekend, I have had more messages from him than in the previous 2 days put together

Shame it's all a bit too late

In the meantime, I was thinking I really should delete my account. BUT I've had a message from someone who actually seems rather nice...then again I thought that about Spacetwunt! Shall I reply or not bother?

Reply, you never know ....

Yeah not far off my unforgiveable toilet disappearing act....it is not you Bant...most deffo her. I was telling Mr Natural about my awful behaviour today and even he, at the tender age of 29 was horrified at my disappearing...so there...she and I are rude people...not good.

Velv ....I am a true believer in keeping on keeping on until another obvious path reveals itself or things become too dangerous or unhealthy.x

...so yeah reply woman...

Velvet, reply to him.

Ike, I don't think I could escape out of the loo window and I've been on some dud dates, saying that not with anyone the repelled me so I'd never say never.

Bant your description of the women you really have a spark with kinda sums up what I've thought about men. They only seem to like women who don't put out so easily . It's the same old story. The men who pursue us are the ones we don't fancy. We don't put out for that reason.

did you do a runner via the window in the ladies Ike ??

I've never actually done a runner, although there were several occasions when I wanted to, one where i nearly did but I couldnt bring myself to be quite that rude

mind you, if someone has misrepresented themselves, you know, 10 years older than the profile pics...well I think they deserve to have a runner 'done' to them:o

I confess...I had already replied! and he has now replied back.

We shall see.

I haven't been on there before today since my date with STwunt (who amusingly is online so will see that I am too. His loss)

' They only seem to like women who don't put out so easily . It's the same old story. The men who pursue us are the ones we don't fancy. We don't put out for that reason.'

oh please not this anachronistic old chestnut again

Scrazy - it's not about putting out easily. As I said, I know in some situations I could probably seduce them into bed, or at least they'd let me think they were being seduced when that's what they were after anyway. But with some, that's all it's ever going to be. I like to think because I'm a good bloke I won't go down that route with someone who think's it's more than that - as in I won't jump into bed with someone who wants it to be the beginning of a relationship. Some men will do that, and that's where you end up getting hurt women wondering why he never called again.

IF there is a woman where there is that spark, and that connection, sexual and personality wise, and we end up in bed on the first date for whatever reason, then that doesn't make any difference to the fact the spark was there, and I'll pursue it on date 2 and 3 and more. But if there isn't that spark I just generally choose not to pursue it any further. And if there is a spark but we don't go to bed, I'll keep trying for more dates because she's great to spend time with and hopefully things will work.

There are times I've had first kisses and walked on air afterwards. There are times I've had first kisses and thought - hmm. what's on telly when I get home. It's indefinable apart from what I wrote earlier. Whether someone puts out or not doesn't mean there's a spark or not, it could just be the sexual attraction thing I mentioned earlier - it's not the same thing as the spark (for me), but it does have to be there for me to pursue more dates.

Bah. I shagged my exh within hours of meeting him - he married me, obviously.

Although when I was dating and looking for a relationship I would wait til after the 4th date. But only because I like to put back what internet dating takes away from meeting someone, and building up attraction, spark, anticipation, and not because I think it will particularly make any difference.

I am hoping to be shagging Mr Clever tonight though. I change my rules as and when it suits me and as I'm looking more for another FWB rather than a relationship and don't really give a toss at the moment about building any anticipation and rapport (apart from the dinner date first) then sod it.

Mercury, what I was saying is that bant said men would persue a woman who they perceive is out of their league and they are lucky to be in her company, rather than a quick lay. That is how I interpreted it anyway.

It's true ime that if I don't fancy someone they try really hard.

So to summarise:

If there is mutual sexual attraction - we might end up in bed. SharkGirl was like this, I could possibly have got her into bed but chose not to as I was a bit knackered and had just come out of something complex with the Artist.

If there is no mutual sexual attraction, it's just a 'meh' - either one way or both

If there is mutual sexual attraction and a Spark - the connection, things in common, something butterfly-like - then if we go to bed or not doesn't make a huge amount of difference to whether I want to see her again or not. I will want to.

If there isn't a mutual sexual attraction but she obviously is into me, then I get the choice about whether to try and get her into bed and get my end away or not. I personally choose not to, these days, as I know it's not really going anyway and I don't like upsetting people. Some other men will go for anything with a pulse and never call again. As will some women, although I think much less so. This last group is where men and women differ the most I think, but that's just my personal opinion. As is all of this post.

The difficulty is, reading whether someone wants to go to bed with you because of a real spark, or mutual sexual attraction which could grow into something, or a feigned spark just because he wants to, and he's never going to call again no matter what.

Oh god, I could never talk to someone on the phone before meeting, I really have to make myself answer when my friends ring.

Have had positive reply to photos (yay), so now have to find mutually agreeable time and place. How do people usually do this, do you list some times you can do, or do you leave it up to the other person? What's the general etiquette? GreekMan says he's never met anyone from OD before, so we're both novices... good or bad?

Scrazy - that 'out of my league' thing is personal to me, I can't speak for other men on that at all. I want someone who I feel lucky to be with, and who hopefully reciprocates. Others may want women who are into rubber and chains in the same way. We're all different.

...no not the actual loo window ...we went to a warehouse art exhibition and I did go to the loo...I was really upset about failing an exam and this thought just popped into my head ...I dont want to be here...I dont HAVE to be here..and I just got in my car and left ..texted him on the way to my car to apologise. A terrible thing to do to someone...sorry Mountain Man. x

So to sum up, it's not easy to tell when you first have sex with someone whether it's because of a genuine spark or just sexual attraction or perish the thought too much wine .

Sparks can ignite or flicker out so best to only sleep with someone if you really want to and take a leap of faith.