Cliches, arse ennui, new year hangovers and glancing at the sweet trolley. Dating thread 34!

[lubeybooby]

New thread time! Great timing with it being new years day...

Most of you know what to do... off you go!

Just in case you don't... just chit chat all your dating related stuff here. If you are new, just jump right in to the blethering. More the merrier!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! :o

Bant - so the son is with the ex then? Who presumably isn't capable of looking after his child for an hour or two? What an incredible co-incidence this phone call from the ex came through precisely as she was due to meet you.

Not that there aren't SOME genuine co-incidences....

Should be on profile now

Hi can I rejoin thread ?
Had a date last night with a nice man but slightly dull.Most interesting part of his life is that he does pottery but on questioning has kiln and wheel in shed for past 6 yrs.No travels to talk over,works as an engineer.No real spark between us.
So after all that why do I take it personally when he has messaged to say he enjoyed my company but doesnt want a 2nd meeting ?
I dont understand why that would affect me when i wasnt attracted to him anyway.

Ah jaffa. I dunno, it would nice to be wanted I suppose even though you didn't want another date.

It doesn't seem to affect me at all when there's a mutual lack of spark though it's just a shrug, onto the next thing. Having said that though, my mutual lack of spark dates, neither of us ever actually said 'thanks but no thanks' it was just no contact at all. and thank christ for that! Maybe I'd have felt differently seeing it in black and white.

Lubey - WOW! Dress is amazing.

Bant - sounds like you've got loads of interest. I agree with the people who've said the ball's in her court now.

it's hard on the self esteeem, OD, jaffa
and harder on it to be rejected by a dullard than a beau imo -

avoid men with sheds jaffa

a better pic of the actual <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&sa=N&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1344&bih=588&tbm=isch&tbnid=o4F71Wbdijg1sM:&imgrefurl=www.onewedding.co.uk/bridesmaid-dress/phase-eight-bridesmaid/blue-luella-dress/&docid=yOEuvUUczT5vfM&imgurl=www.onewedding.co.uk/media/products/10869/10869-mz.jpg&w=700&h=980&ei=mJnpUL30MoGY1AXx9IGoAw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=4&vpy=77&dur=1167&hovh=266&hovw=190&tx=82&ty=151&sig=105707183564216907307&page=1&tbnh=111&tbnw=79&start=0&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:88" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">dress

Oh thank you, Lubey, I'm a dress addict, if you looked in my wardrobe you'd think I had endless need for frocks.

jaffa it could be because there wasn't a spark. I've been offended, or at least irritated when someone who I really didn't fancy texted me first to say 'thanks but no thanks' - I wish I'd got in first. A spark pretty much always has to be mutual, and if you obviously weren't into him he's probably going to get in first with the 'tbnt' message to save himself from being rejected. Just move on. It would have been worse if he was sending you sonnets and you had to tell him to go away, surely?

Voice- she could have told the ex she was on a date, it could actually have been urgent, but most likely it was cold feet or she saw me and just decided 'no'. Kind of annoying but not much I can do.

Maybe if I hadn't lost the beard... :)

Ah another one to add to my list of men to avoid,men with sheds !!!!.Together with men who dump by text then message to say they want bacon sarnies and suspenders wtf.

That's a fabulous dress, Lubey, very asset-emphasising !

ah don't listen to me jaffa I'm still single!
how common would people say 'the spark' is?

ninah - I think it's different for different people. I have never had 'that spark'. of my three LTRS, they were all slow burning, people I'd known and been friends with for a while and something developed. never a thunderbolt moment. the last time I dated someone for a few dates, there was attraction, but no great all-encompassing spark

I've only felt the spark on 2 internet dates out of about 20. So it's quite rare I reckon.

One of the sparks was over 2 years ago and it didn't get passed a second date as I inadvertently ended up spending the night with him and getting wrecked in the process on wine .

We have kept in touch a couple of times since and I saw him online recently. Turns out he is just out of a relationship, same as me so I might have suggested a catch up over coffee. I will take it much slower if it comes off, this time and be on my guard but he was nice.

mm I reckon it's fairly rare, too
I have talked myself into relationships but not had the spark v often

scrazy that sounds an exciting prospect!

Bant ...we all know you've got 'it' lovely!!! Never met this guy before in my life, and no deffo referring to his cock! It was all very 'knowing' though and funny ....anyway he is unlikely to get into my iron clad knick knacks anyhoo so I dont care!

Hi ninah - it depends what you mean by the 'spark' - there is sexual attraction, which is more common than what I think of as the spark, which is like a kismet thing. Fancying someone, especially when there is booze involved, probably happens to me about 1 in 3 dates, maybe 1 in 4.

Being somewhat cynical about it, and being a bloke (and knowing I might get flamed here) - knowing I could probably get them into bed if I really tried happens about one in 2 dates. But one night stands bore me to be honest, I'm not just out for a quickie so it's a passing point of interest unless there is a lot more. Sexual attraction and knowing I could get them into bed for a one time thing isn't necessarily the same thing. One is really wanting to get them into bed, the other is just knowing I could.

Then there is being mates with someone, getting on well with them enough to think - yeah, I'd really like to hang around with you again but I don't want to go to bed with you.

The spark, however, is the feeling - why oh why didnt I meet you earlier? Having stuff in common, bouncing thoughts off each other, finishing each others jokes and stuff like that, plus the sexual attraction - the Amazing Vanishing Historian felt like the Spark. For me the Spark is more than knowing I could, or wanting I could, it's wanting to, but not knowing if I could because she's a bit too special for me, maybe. Wanting to be with someone and being honoured to be with her, plus the connection. So the Kismet/Spark thing is the Mates, plus the Sexual Attraction, plus maybe something else indefinable - knowing how lucky I am to be here with this person.

That's just me of course. But I've had a couple of beers now as I'm narked with ShoeGirl.

Amazing dress! Dress of Rrrrrr!

bant if she saw you (sans beard) & thought, 'ugh, no' then she's a coward and horribly shallow and it's a welcome relief that you didn't have to spend any time at all in her company. If her child was ill, she can do the running.

Spent a lovely afternoon knitting squares for Woolley hugs, and knocking the shit out of the 12 days of kindle courtesy of in-laws and their Xmas present of an amazon gift voucher. Selections include a bunch of quirky novels, a bunch of pop-scoence, some hitchens & a realists guide to romance how to get a grip

Just popped out for a walk with DS2 to the local garage, chatting about what we're going to do this year; I'm going to stay off the cigs, will do 20 minutes of Zumba at least here times a week with ds2, cut down on the ridiculous amount of booze I've been using as a bit of a crutch/pain management device with regard to voldemort and move-the-fuck on. I've had a wallow. That's fine, it's a new year and it's best to make the changes in me I would like to make, cigarettes have gone (but the Xmas constant snacking and boozing has given me a bit of a gut) so time to tweak the other bits.

Can we please please please have 'IronClad Knick-Knacks' in the next thread title?

I wonder if i meet up with people too quickly. This guy I didnt even talk to him on the phone. Guess life is so busy at moment and I had got to that stage of what the hell lets just meet and get it over with.
Probably didnt come over too well on the date,bit stressed out .
Do most of you have phone chats before meeting up ?

...actually, I'm going to finish this half packet of wine gums first. And the thorntons mint selection that I've hidden under my bed. then I'm going to be amazingly fabulous

I wouldn't do myself justice on the phone. I would panic and embarrass myself. Interested to see if most people do though...

I haven't spoken to Mr Clever on the phone jaffa. But then I'm a pretty good judge now of whether I'll fancy someone and get on with them or not... as a dating veteran and dealing with people a lot for work too by email and in person. I used to always talk first in the early days.