Marriage breakup, an affair, what a mess :-(

[onlyjustgettingby]

My marriage broke up at the end of last year, after years of me being unhappy.

My husband had several affairs during our marriage and by the end I not only didnt fancy him any more, but I lost all respect for him, I met someone else which gave me the kick to leave last year (I didnt leave for the other person, I just knew that it was the end)

I met someone else in March this year, we clicked immediately and the sparks were literally flying all over the place. We have been seeing each other ever since and have fallen head over heals for each other.

I dont want to move in with anyone else, I dont want the kids to have another father figure (they have a Dad) I am happy keeping my relationship completely separate from the kids.

And this is where it gets dirty.. he has a wife and 3 kids. He has a nice life and he loves his kids, and he loves his wife too.

He doesnt want to leave and I dont want him to leave, but we seem to be falling for each other further and further.

I cant imagine life without him, I dont want to live without him in my life, I feel like he is my soulmate and I think that one day we will be together.

I know that what we are doing is very wrong and I know that I will get completely flamed, but I dont know what else to do.. I cant funtion without knowing that he is in my life somewhere. We have ended things several times because 'its the right thing to do' but then we miss each other so much that we always get drawn back together again.

I would really appreciate some advice. I know the usual, and what we 'should' be doing, but we have tried that and it doesnt work :-(

AnyFucker, my pleasure to do so.

Mincedpies if you seriously think that your behaviour has been anything less than creepy and malicious, you have a very disturbed mind. It wouldn't surprise me if you had form for this on Mumsnet so I hope they'll take action to keep you off the site. Ultimately I feel sorry for you that your life must be so impoverished that you would stoop this low, but this sort of sinister toxicity needs to be challenged.

If you wanted it to end you could make it happen. Don't pretend you aren't in control of yourself. You are making a choice to sleep with a married man.

Thanks sleigh.

I really don't have anything to hide. I agree that some people do say things on here they maybe wouldn't in real life, but I think that can be both a good and bad thing. It gives us freedom to reveal, but also to bully.

Sorry I don't want to hi jack the thread. I can totally get why some people would be utterly devastated by what mince has done, even if I am not one of them, and I think it's very sad Mince can't see that you don't fight bullying with even worse creepy bullying.

I am out now because I fear I may be goading a person who is not well. I suspect this thread is going to end up deleted anyway.

OP - reread your own post...

'And this is where it gets dirty, he has a wife and 3 kids, he has a nice life'

And I think you can't stand that. The only dirty bit is you, I'm afraid however much in love with yourself you are. You are his dirty secret but as far as your posts indicate, you seem to like it. Oh, how proud you must be.

I don't think either of them are well tbh. I don't know why mince is so hellbent on sticking her neck out for the OP. I could speculate but only she knows why.

I'm not even sure this wasn't just started to get everyone fighting. I mean, there's been no real point to this thread? Who would put themselves in the line of fire like that?

So, either not well or something not quite right. Either way I'm with Spero and I'm out.

I will follow the calm dignity of Spero and SirCliff and bow out. I hope the thread gets deleted, because something's not right.

I think the most messed up thing I read was the OP telling Abitwobbly that she was sorry for her pain (caused by her h's affair), whilst at the same time continuing to justify her own affair in similar circumstances .

You couldn't make it up.

What is a sock puppet?

No, the OP's posts have mostly been the standard delusions of the OW, with a bit of nastiness and goadiness thrown in as the scales fell from her eyes and the truth hit home. Same for the posts of her supporters - standard fare from people who've had affairs and blame the wrong people for them.

But the 'most messed up' thing about this thread is surely what one of those 'supporters' went on to do isn't it? I'm still quite shocked that there are people out there who are that sinister, creepy and vile. Sort of makes me want to shudder and have a hot bath to get rid of the taint of being on a thread like this........

I've reported Mince Pies unnecessary and frankly very odd post re.Spero.A certain poster with the same user name as MPie is frequently banned from another forum that I visit.I wonder if they're related.It's the one about the life of 'Everyday Country Folk'.

Been there, done that and got the T-shirt and it ended in tears as it probably will with yourself OP.

OP - I THINK YOU SHOULD SHOW THIS THREAD TO YOUR LOVER.

I would love to know his opinion. And after reading it, you probably wouldn't see him for dust.

Weird thread.

I prefer tracing people IP's and taking it from there.......

Oh FFS! So bloody sad.

You want to end it but can't? Tell you what, inform his wife! That'll do it.

Orm, I was quietly thinking about you throughout this thread. How are you?

Hi Fab - up and down, up and down. I might well drive dH crazy before I'm done but he's sticking with it.

And so he should! Tough if you go a bit crazy with him.

Mince pies, you might have been drunk when you pulled that stunt on Spero, and now regretting it in the rational light of day.

So how about apologising for the lapse in judgement, apologising to Spero for the disrespect, and promising not to do it again? That is how stuff gets resolved in the real world...

Yeah, what is a sock puppet?

I loved Spero's post knocking the whole 'women are helpless creatures and it is all the seducing man's fault' DELUSION. We are agents of our own lives, we are culpable.

A bit of classical education there, Spero! [impressed]

Onlyjust, the more you talk the more you describe your and his own split self, he is not the cause of your emotion, he only reflects yourself back to you. As you do to him. He should be owning and showing that side of himself, to his WIFE.

I really hope you manage to stop this before you get found out (and you WILL get found out), and I hope you do the hard work to retrieve your wholeness and your integrity.

I have only ever spoken to you in kindness. Good luck,

So now you are putting a woman through what you have, already been through. What a stupid inconsiderate woman you are. Not only have you lost respect for your ex dh; you have lost respect for yourself

My advice: seek counselling.

You are setting an appalling example for your children.

Check the date people

ZOMBIE

He really isnt treating me with any contempt at all, he simply isnt like that, he has never had affairs before and I know he wouldnt again if we were to end.

Look at you - the special one! Listen - no one is special, everyone's a cliche. Come down from LaLa land - all that 'ending it, but can't be apart" BS, and stop screwing someone else's husband. The pain you will both cause her when (not if - when) she finds out will be monumental and devastating. Have a heart and do the right thing.