Marriage breakup, an affair, what a mess :-(

[onlyjustgettingby]

My marriage broke up at the end of last year, after years of me being unhappy.

My husband had several affairs during our marriage and by the end I not only didnt fancy him any more, but I lost all respect for him, I met someone else which gave me the kick to leave last year (I didnt leave for the other person, I just knew that it was the end)

I met someone else in March this year, we clicked immediately and the sparks were literally flying all over the place. We have been seeing each other ever since and have fallen head over heals for each other.

I dont want to move in with anyone else, I dont want the kids to have another father figure (they have a Dad) I am happy keeping my relationship completely separate from the kids.

And this is where it gets dirty.. he has a wife and 3 kids. He has a nice life and he loves his kids, and he loves his wife too.

He doesnt want to leave and I dont want him to leave, but we seem to be falling for each other further and further.

I cant imagine life without him, I dont want to live without him in my life, I feel like he is my soulmate and I think that one day we will be together.

I know that what we are doing is very wrong and I know that I will get completely flamed, but I dont know what else to do.. I cant funtion without knowing that he is in my life somewhere. We have ended things several times because 'its the right thing to do' but then we miss each other so much that we always get drawn back together again.

I would really appreciate some advice. I know the usual, and what we 'should' be doing, but we have tried that and it doesnt work :-(

Then don't. You do it your way, let others do it theirs.

I apologise for that line AF

Accepted

Thanks AF :)

clipped, if you have seen any of my other posts, you may have noticed I am usually to be found very much on the "side" of the woman in many different situations

have been accused of being a "man hater" lots of times and accused of double standards where criticism of the menz is concerned

I am struggling here though

Op has posted about her take on the situation. I could never condone it. What the man is doing is reprehensible but he isn't posting here, he is secondary to the main story of the OP

to take away any of her culpability is wrong, bearing in mind all of her posts make it quite clear she knows exactly what she is doing and trying to convince herself she doesn't really care

I think she does, but wants some bad guys to rail against, hence her posting for a pasting

she knew how the thread would go, and could now be further justifying her unjustifiable choices because she got a hard time here

equally, she could be having a rethink

I doubt any rethink would have happened, however, if she got only sympathy and rationalisations on her behalf

I hope it's the latter, for her sake

"Sounded to me like she thinks she is having her cake and eating it.
HE IS HAVING ALL THE CAKE and I think everyone was just letting her know."

:o

Totally

Now im pissed off again.

'smacking her round the head is not the way to go' eh?

Maybe you need to have a look at your own posting style before attacking the abrasiveness of others.

So that is funny then? We know what HE is doing.

Spero, have you looked me up?

if so im damn honoured. Ive never looked anyone up.

Looked you up where? Sorry to disappoint, but no I haven't.

You clearly have an agenda and you are angry and hurt about it, for which I am sorry, but you are not winning hearts and minds in way you go about it.

Oh Clipped (sorry, just can't go to bed on an argument!)
Don't be pissed - What did you read the poster to be asking?

I don't believe this is the same situation as yours by the way - as I do genuinely believe that some people in relationships do fall in love with other people but usually if it IS love, then they will find or make a way to be together with as little hurt as possible, not just carry on regardless.

Harsh is as harsh does.

Eh? O well, it's late. But if you are finding that you are becoming cross and upset by this kind of thing, it is probably worth stepping away.

Is that at me Clipped?

If so then I think I have said the same as many others. As I've said - we could all go next door for a bit if we so wanted but we choose not to.

Im neither hurt nor angry, no axe to grind really. I believe in falable humans and mistakes that help you learn. I don't do the harsh judgy thing because people in glass houses should never throw stones and people in supposed married bliss may not be in it next week.

Down with this kind of thing !

oh go eat a mince pie

Yes, you are right.

The OP knows how it feels and now she is doing to someone else what was done to her.

Hopefully, she will be happy whatever she (and they) choose to do

And clipped, you would have an excellent point if she had posted on the I am so unhappy and ashamed please talk gently to me thread. But she didn't. And judging from the responses she dredged up an enormous amount of pain for all ofnthose who have been on the sharp end of betrayal.

And yet on she went with the goading replies. If she is hurting, I am genuinely sorry for her. But not my fault, not my responsibility.

I had two mince pies today. < licks lips >

The only person she hurt by doing this was herself

I don't accept that for a moment. Read some of the posts. Genuine pain, anger and misery. Which she kept stoking.

I had christmas cake(well it was a tesco sort of version that i've been eating all year) with butter in the middle.. very very bad