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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've just called the police on him.. need some support

142 replies

durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:27

I've namechanged as I am probably identifiable under my usual name and I am worried that he may know that I post under it here.

He hit me tonight after the a ridiculous argument. Now he has been arrested.

The police tell me he will probably be released tomorrow. I am really worried what will happen next.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 16/12/2012 00:28

I'm here. I don't know how it happens either, but if you could use company and someone to chat to, I can hand hold.

Are you hurt?

hhhhhhh · 16/12/2012 00:29

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usualsuspect3 · 16/12/2012 00:29

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hhhhhhh · 16/12/2012 00:30

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Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:33

I don't know how woman's aid can help me. I feel like I just need emotional support right now. I don't know what resources are out there/if I need any.

He hit me in the face, but nothing that needs medical treatment.

It's not the first time that this has happened. I have a 2 yo dd who witnessed the beginning of the argument (but thankfully not him hitting me). She was saying 'calm down'. I know she deserves so much better.

OP posts:
Slainte · 16/12/2012 00:33

No practical advice to offer but wanted to say well done for phoning the police.

rhondajean · 16/12/2012 00:35

You have been very brave.

I would imagine women's aid would be able to tell you what the process is. They also offer support and assistance if you need it.

usualsuspect3 · 16/12/2012 00:35

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Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:38

I'll look up their number. I just don't know what they could do for me.

I have spoken to a friend about this.

I'm really worried about what will happen when they release him tomorrow morning. I can just imagine him being in the cells getting angrier and angrier right now. He never thought that I would call the police.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 16/12/2012 00:41

Can you go to your friends, or can they come to you?

It's possible if he is charged that a condition of his bail might be not to come near you, I think.

hhhhhhh · 16/12/2012 00:41

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suburbophobe · 16/12/2012 00:42

A 2-year-old daughter who is saying Calm Down is very wise indeed. Is this the first time she has witnessed this??

But very sad if she is "being the adult" in this. She is vulnerable. You know what you need to do.

Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:49

She is very clever. She has also seen incidents in the past yes. I know how that makes me sound as a mum but I just keep on thinking that this isn't really him, that he will become better. We were in counselling. He just has this terrible temper. He has never hurt her though and is a very good dad.

I had to call the police because I couldn't leave him with her.

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 16/12/2012 00:50

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Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:51

I tried calling womans aid but it just rang then invited me to leave a message for them to call me back. I don't know what will be happening and when so I will try to call them back later.

OP posts:
Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:53

He is good to her. She really loves him and is very much a daddy's girl. He plays with her and I do feel like he is better with her than me. I had PND and really struggled initially with bonding.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 16/12/2012 00:53

Sweetheart, you will get lots of good advice and help on here, but for now I think you will be too tired and shocked to deal with much.

Priorities for now:

1 get some rl support
2 get some rest

Can you manage those two things?

Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:56

Rhonda my friend has just called me to say she is on her way. I will try to get some rest after she has got here. Right now I just have too many things worrying me to be able to sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
durtletove · 16/12/2012 00:57

Ok she's here now. I'll be back tomorow. Thank you all.

OP posts:
hhhhhhh · 16/12/2012 00:58

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usualsuspect3 · 16/12/2012 00:59

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rhondajean · 16/12/2012 00:59

Glad you have someone there and hope you can sleep. Ill see how you are tomorrow xx

hhhhhhh · 16/12/2012 00:59

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Bossybritches22 · 16/12/2012 01:13

Hope you manage some rest OP , we;re all here for you you have your RL friend there.

If you want to see more about what WA do here is there link with lots of advice but get in touch with them asap for a personal plan of what they can do.

the link

Bogeyface · 16/12/2012 01:25

You dont have to let him in. Pack a bag for him and have it ready for your friend to hand over to him or drop off at the police station.

Do not let him back into your home.

And as a pp said, a good father doesnt hit their childs mother. I had severe PND with DD2, that didnt make me a crap mother then or a crap mother now

THinking of you xxx