A Sex Question......

[moonblushtomato]

DH has a bee in his bonnet (or underpants) that we are not having enough sex. Just wondered what the going rate is these days?
We are in on our early 40s, have been married for nearly 8 years and have 3DCs aged 15, 6 and 4.
btw we are averaging about once a week which I'm quite happy with.

no but i let him do it because it helps him feel closer to me. thank you for being sweet GhostShip, unlike some. He has been very wonderful to me, my saviour almost! he is my life and i love him, so allowing him to have sex me when he wants is no big deal.

"Not having enough sex"? Enough for who, him? Or not enough because he thinks everyone else is doing it twice nightly?

And bollocks to "going rate." You should have the sex you want, not the sex you think you should be having because of the perceived idea that you think everyone else is having more. What others do has nothing to do with your own sex life. It doesn't change it.

Sllloooomee - the fact that what you have said is so that people think you must be a troll must tell you something surely?

Please just think about what is being said, please. He puts lube on you and shoves his cock up you... and he's treating you differently to a rubber doll how?

Your posts have made me feel sick and very very sorry for you

siloome I just want you to know you're worth more than some man who is using you when youre sleeping for sex. It makes me sad it really does. I hope he treats you well in every other aspect.

What JustFabulous said is true. It can also be quality over quantity....

And please don't think you 'owe' him sex. It doesn't work like that x

"allowing him to have sex whenever he wants"

What about what you want?

It concerns me that your husband gets himself so angry thinking about you with previous partners that he feels the need to "mark you as his property" whilst you are sleeping.

I find it very hard to believe you think it's ok, but if this is actually a wind up, it's in very very poor taste, considering women on this forum have had, sadly, the experience of being raped by their partner in the middle of the night.

sllloooomee - I have had teary eyes and a shocked face from many sad things I have read on MN but your posts have done both in equal measures.

Your husband doesn't have the right to ever have sex with you actually and certainly not without express permission from you. What he is doing is disgusting and the equivalent of a dog pissing up a wall to marks its territory.

You have put up with him taking advantage of you in the past but you can tell him now, tonight, it stops and he must not ever do it again.

I had sex before I met my DH. He doesn't feel the need to reclaim me everytime he remembers I have slept with someone else. Most man don't.

men, not man.

ghostships, he does treat me very well. He is the kindest most lovely man ever, he loves me and looks after me.

no I don't think I owe him sex. But he enjoys it and i enjoy him enjoying himself.

going to leave this thread now, it is quite upsetting to think that some you, however well meaning, think that my lovely DH is raping me.

thank you most of you for being nice.

I think men "need" sex more than women or at least that is what we are led to believe. That we have to be attractive etc. Men are more visually stimulated. Just look at the young girls trying to bag footballers.

I have gone along with sex to make DP happy before, so have a lot of women. I have a friend who says her DP is a nightmare if he hasn't had sex and so she will make a big effort dressing up for him and afterwards he treats her like a princess for days. So she gives him what he wants and gets what she wants in return. I dont agree with that but it works for them.

I have also woken up to find DP attempting to have sex with me. He was asleep to a degree and not remembered. So I don't class it as rape. If I had shouted no he would have stopped. But I just shrug him off and he goes back to sleep none the wiser.

Men really don't need sex more than women in the very general sense you stated it. Seriously. It was a ploy to get into your pants!

Sllloooomee, my heart is beating faster because I feel so anxious for you. I'm not going to assume you are anything but telling the truth.
You're not stupid, but the other posters are right, this is rape. It may not be rape in a way you recognise but that doesn't change the facts.

It's abhorrent to me that he behaves this way with so little respect for you. Sex is about intimacy, love and pleasure. Not just his but yours too, it should be a shared experience, not just him taking ownership of you.

Have you talked to friends in RL about this? It may help you to get some perspective.

Jesus, this thread is disturbing.

How can anyone enjoy having sex with a sleeping/unresponsive partner? Sorry sllooomee, but what your DH is doing isn't an act of love, it's an act of power/control.

Six to eight times a year.

Feels like plenty.

This thread has made me anxious too :(

Cannot believe some of the stuff I read on here at times. Let's just hope it is a troll and not actually true.

why have MN deleted the post? It wasn't a personal attack or a troll?

I imagine the post was deleted because it was perpetuating rape myths, and inciting others to do so

Ah right, sorry didn't think of that.

Just hope this thread has made the poor lady think a bit

I reported that first post from her. mNHQ decided to delete it.

I hope so too, if the poster is real. I am more inclined to thinking it is a poster of the MRA persuasion, but perhaps that would make me feel better than accepting there is a real woman out there who thinks like that

Have seen a few posts along these lines lately. Pretty odd.