A Sex Question......

[moonblushtomato]

DH has a bee in his bonnet (or underpants) that we are not having enough sex. Just wondered what the going rate is these days?
We are in on our early 40s, have been married for nearly 8 years and have 3DCs aged 15, 6 and 4.
btw we are averaging about once a week which I'm quite happy with.

[sllloooomee]

some times it is annoying because i was having a lovely sleep but then i have to get up to clean up after!! depends, he doesnt caress or nuzzle me he usually just pulls my bottoms down and rubs some lube on me ( i suffer from vaginal dryness) and then has sex with me. so i sometimes wake when he pulls down my pants if it cold, or when he is penetrating me.

[GhostShip]

Oh god :(

[GhostShip]

Slloooome don't you realise how wrong that is? Its sex without consent. He is using your sleeping body as a sex toy.

[AnyFucker]

That is sex without consent. Or, to give it it's legal definition, rape.

[sllloooomee]

it is not rape! i dont mind, just can be irritating when i then have to get up to clean up after.

[AnyFucker]

I think you will find, by definition, it is rape.

I understand you don't want to think your husband is raping you, but he is.

I suggest you buy him a Blow Up Doll with orifices for him to wank into for Xmas. Then you can get some kip.

[nellyjelly]

Once a week..... My DH would count himself lucky!

[Newshoesplease]

Yes, bless him. It's adorable really- like a horny mutt. How romantic.

[AnyFucker]

You are on a wind up. No-one is that stupid, surely.

[Newshoesplease]

Agreed af

[GhostShip]

slooomeee - please start respecting yourself. His 'needs' are not so great that he has to rape you. And yes, it is rape as you cannot consent as you are unconcious. It doesn't matter if you consent after. You need to do so before. This is not right and it isn't normal.

It makes me so sad because my ex did it to me, and at the time I thought it was normal and okay. It isn't.

[GhostShip]

I think its a windup but didn't want to say

[sllloooomee]

i have always found you to be very rude anyfucker. why are you calling me stupid? this is how my marriage works. he gets very jealous and upset at the thought of me with previous partners, and having sex with me, sort of helps him remember i am his.

[AnyFucker]

Reported to HQ and not engaging any further.

[sllloooomee]

i guess that consent is implied because it has been ok every other time he has done it.

i suppose if after the first time i had told him that i didnt want him to do it then he would not do it again.

[sllloooomee]

i am a regular on here! why had you reported me? because you dont like how my marriage works?

[GhostShip]

Me and AnyFucker have had our disagreements but I wouldn't say she is rude, she's just straight forward :)

[GhostShip]

Sillooome - please please just have a think about it

[sllloooomee]

how is calling me stupid NOT rude?

[GhostShip]

how is what he is doing not rape?

Perception maybe.

[Newshoesplease]

You're happy for someone to penetrate you while you're asleep, but you take great offence at getting called "stupid" on an Internet forum? I would take a step back and reevaluate some aspects of your life.

[sllloooomee]

it is not just someone, he is my husband!

[GhostShip]

Being your husband does not give him the right to do that.

[Whiteworm]

Seriously men are a joke. My DP complains we dont have sex. But he asks me if I fancy it in the same way he would ask me if I want a cup of tea. When I say you need to put more effort in (like when we first got together) he might get a better response. He says what is the point you'd only say no. Well then it is a viscious circle.
We average once every 3 months ( I work FT and we have a toddler and I run the house and on anti deps, which kill a sex drive) It goes in one ear and out the other. I wish I could get through that the more effort couples put in the more they would get out of it...ie more sex.

My DP used to make me feel like the sexiest most beautiful girl alive...7 years ago. Now sex is somehow is all about him and his needs. It isn't just me, I have spoken to close friends over a bottle of wine and it is not uncommon.

There is one thing where I do see his frustration though...In the past he has asked if I fancy it (yeah as romantic as that) and I say no, I need to have a bath, or no I have just had a bath. He doesn't get that at all.

I wish men would realise with women it starts in their head not between their legs. The couples with the best sex lives make an effort with each other. I have a friend who has been married ten years and they have it loads. Her husband idolises her and they have defined roles. However it hasn't always been that way especially when their kids were babies and pre-shcool age.

I love my DP but in a lot of ways he has yet to grow up. He thinks a snog means sex is on the agenda. Maybe I would want sex if he made me feel special (i have very low self esteem). I live in hope!! :)