"pennymixup Sun 02-Dec-12 20:21:06
Fastidia blueberry my research was based on lots of blokes actually. You lot seem to live in the dark ages when men sat around while their women did all the housework... I don't know anyone like that now, family, friends etc
Don't buy the more housework, more sex myth really"
Sorry penny but I really disagree with your last sentence above. I think you need to take a wider view of the idea that men who do more housework have better and more frequent sex with their wives. It's about contributing more to a life you have built together and also respecting a partner enough to realise that she is not there to cook, clean, look after the kids (which is a full time job) and then give you the best shag of your life in bed too. It's about realising that you are not ENTITLED to sex, that both have to WANT sex. In a healthy relationship one partner does not get to contribute unequally to a relationship and only enjoy all the good bits: sex, affection, being pampered, dinner served up, clean house, well balanced kids...
I think other people on here who "spout the same old nonsense" when asking questions such as "does your DH help around the house?", "why is he not tired when you are?" are actually showing that it could just be a trivial issue such as the OP's DH not realising that she does so much around the house, outside etc, and he does not really have an equal share in such duties, and therefore she is tired, and does not have the energy for sex. And I speak from experience. I don't think that they are trying to make the OP's husband sound useless. A lot of men, yes, even in this day and age see certain tasks as only for women to do, and a lot of women are guilty of the same gender stereotypes.
And spoonyfucker I really liked your long post about making sex a priority being beneficial for your relationship. Hit the nail on the head for my relationship very much, but my DH has also had to take into account how I always did the lion's share of domestic work and childcare, after a 9-5 day at college, while he after a 9-5 day at work would just crash out the sofa energised for a night of sex!!! So, we've sorted out the issue of equal contributing to our household, and now we are working on focusing on each other more romantically. Sometimes, the housework just does not get done, and we will chill out with a glass of wine and off to bed for a night of romance instead of going to bed tired. Other times I have to say "Which one would you like to do - washing up or making the salad? Putting our daughter to bed or ...?" etc. Before it would be me doing everything, and then crashing out to bed tired and him disappointed with no affection or sex.
Obviously people can have much greater problems when it comes to their sex lives but in a normal, healthy relationship it's perfectly valid to as if the OP's husband contributes equally round the house. And I actually think that it is very positive that those were some of the first posts in response to the OP.