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Original poster

How long were you together before you had children?

125 replies

emkana · 31/03/2006 20:01

Friend of mine has just announced she is pregnant and they have been together 18 months, of which the first six months they weren't together "properly" because she was still married and with her dh. Sad

I feel this is very soon and I worry if she is doing the right thing, but of course it's her choice.

Dh had been together over five years when I got pregnant, and I'm glad we had some childfree years together.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 31/03/2006 20:27

3 years from when started living together. Probably would have been sooner but it took us that long to sort our lives out a bit. I wanted a baby and was looking for the right person to start a family with. He knew this from the beginning.

lact8 · 31/03/2006 20:30

Hi, I was with DS1's father for 4 years before I got pregnant and it all fell apart by the time he was 2 Sad

I've been with DP for 3.5 years and we have DS 2.2yrs and 15 week old DD!!! Written down it all seems a bit rushed but in my defence I have known him for 9 years. There was always an attraction between us but the timing was never right. Thankfully I bit the bullet and asked him out and best thing I've ever done Smile

If your friend didn't know him before hand then may be a bit rushed. A friend of mine became pregnant straight away with someone she didn't know and they have stayed together for 9 years. But she's not happy and often says she's missed out on getting to know him and them being a couple without the responsibility of children.

Monkeybar · 31/03/2006 20:33

Married after 2.5 years together (moved in together after 3 weeks!!) got pg 3 months after getting married. Looking forward to number 2 if can persuade dh.

noddyholder · 31/03/2006 20:34

15 months and are still together 14 yrs on

shellybelly · 31/03/2006 20:36

dh and i met within 3 mths living together then 2 mths later i fell pregnant but unfortunately it was not to be, we were married within the year, that was 2003 and we now have a 9mth dd, whilst we didn't have a lot of time on our own we still had fun and still are Grin

tallmummy · 31/03/2006 20:37

Friends since 17. Not really officially together when got pg but now 7 years and 4ds later we finally tied the knot last year (aged 36)

skerriesmum · 31/03/2006 20:37

Together 7 years, married for 6 when ds came along. I'm glad we had those years for traveling and really getting to know each other.
I think the biggest factor though in not planning a family before then was house prices; neither of us fancied bringing up a baby in a one-bed flat and it was three years before we could get a mortgage in Dublin.

Hulababy · 31/03/2006 20:39

DD was born in 2002. We had been together for 12 years and married for 4 years.

mummygow · 31/03/2006 20:39

Had been with dh 5 years before we had children!!
Started Living together 2 years after we started "going out"

cece · 31/03/2006 20:39

13 years before we got married

15 years before dd was born.

we don't like to rush into things!

CHICagoMUM · 31/03/2006 20:40

Met dh when we were 19 (and started going out pretty much there and then) moved in together within weeks, engaged a few months later, married at 27, dd born when I was 29, ds,31.

Miaou · 31/03/2006 20:41

Together for 2 years, then got married, then another two years before I had dd1. Now been married 11+ years (together for 13+). Like others, very glad to have those two years child-free after we were married (we had lived together before that, but as part of a big studenty house so not quite the same as "setting up home"). Spent long weekends visiting country houses and going on walks and stuff, it was good to cement our relationship Smile

gillbean · 31/03/2006 20:41

Married for 7 years before DD's arrival. Love being parents but would not have missed our years 'together alone' for anything. Loads of holidays - we're into outdoorsy stuff so have been trekking in Africa and the Gobi desert, cycling in England and beyond, sailing and walking hundreds of remote mountainous miles. We won't be doing any of those for a while so glad we packed it all in during those 7 years!!

bran · 31/03/2006 20:43

Married for 14 years and living together for 3 years before that. We were both quite young though so we didn't even start trying until we were married about 4 years. I think I would prefer a little more time together than you friend has had, but I hope it works out well for her. Do either of them have children from previous relationships?

puff · 31/03/2006 20:44

Didn't live together before we married, but were seeing each other for 2 and a half years. I became pregnant with ds1 a couple of months after our wedding.

Cristina7 · 31/03/2006 20:44

We'd been married 5 years. It was the right time, I'd been ready for a couple of years maybe, but DH wasn't (he's 5 years younger than me).

CountessDracula · 31/03/2006 20:45

13 years

mcmum · 31/03/2006 21:13

6 years !!

Mercy · 31/03/2006 21:35

7 years before dd was born, too long imo Angry. I assume I don't need to explain.

nutcracker · 31/03/2006 21:36

I got pregnant 3mths after I met Xp.

ShaysMummy · 31/03/2006 21:37

3 years. was 4 months gone when got married (ooh er missus! Shock )
had our first anni in feb.

Chattyhan · 31/03/2006 21:45

We moved in together after 5 weeks. started trying for a baby after 3 months and ds 16m was born after we had known each other 15m. Our relationship is strong and we are so happy to be a family but the year has been tough. Having not had many childfree years i do think that it may have been nice, but wouldn't change it for the world. Smile

Piffle · 31/03/2006 21:52

Gosh ds was an improbable happening had known do for all of 5 minutes. But it all has panned out well.
Met new dp in Sept 2000, he then oved overseas for a year, we courted at weekends (by then I was 30 bio clock ticker)
We moved in together when he arrived back in UK Dec 2001
DD born Oct 2002
Still very very happy together a year is enough depending in the age an circs IMHO

eidsvold · 01/04/2006 08:32

met dh in feb 2001, got together july 2001, engaged aug 2001, married end oct 2001, fell pregnant 2 weeks later and had dd1 was born with down syndrome 38 weeks after we were married - aug 2002. Spent the next year seeing dd1 through 2 heart surgeries and rocky recovery. Then moved to the other side of the world in 2004, dd2 born 5 months later.

If you think travelling together shows the true side of someone - face what we faced during our first year married and if that sort of stress doesn't take its toll - you pretty much figure you can survive anything!!

Strangely - dh and i 'snuck' off to Aus to get married - very very close friends and family knew and that was it. When a colleague found out we had snuck off to get married - she was shocked - hadn't been together that long, had not been engaged that long etc... told me it would be tears before bedtime!! Well she and her partner are no longer together!!

Noriesmum · 01/04/2006 10:46

I met dh when i was 14 and he 16. Started going out 7 years ago. GOt married 2 years ago and had a baby 1 year ago.

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