Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

I'd quite like [creepywink] to go. Gives me the shudders that one. Or [PAsmile]

Yes, I think so amillion.

They weren't actually late to this party, as they deleted at least one post by this morning and replied to my reports (more than once) yesterday.

So they were watching, but don't know what to do.

I think sometimes they have to leave it to us to sort out. Because often regular mumsnetters (even if newbies think we are bullying) actually do sort things quite well.

For example, on this (and the other) thread, the op was given good advice. She was told what to do, she was advised to start another thread outside aibu, she was supported.

Then when she didn't listen, posters tried to lighten the mood by banter (because to be fair there wasn't much to say about canibalism apart from "don't do it").

It could have been left there. Much better for everyone.

But the op wanted to get a lot of attention so continued. Which is why it got a bit strange.

I've been reflecting... and actually, I can't work out whether this would be utterly childish of me, or is actually the message I am getting from Mumsnet, and the direction I should grow in, in order to be more healthy/whole.

I complain about the way the mocking affected me, and people tell me I am too sensitive (essentially).

So I ask myself, how can I be less sensitive?

The answer comes back to me (in my mind), that I only expect you all to care about my sensitivities because I actually do care and make the effort to avoid yours (I realise I spectacularly failed with my original thread, but that was due to stupidity and absolutely not malice). It genuinely devastates me when I realise I have hurt someone, and I do take on board what I can do to prevent that in the future.

However, perhaps I should stop thinking that way... simply be who I am, and not care whose sensitivities I step on... and then I won't care that you step on mine.

I would certainly generate a lot of anger/hate, but that I can actually handle.

Oh please don't do any more reflecting. Please. Just accept that the internet isn't necessarily a good thing for you, and use the fucking off switch.

It's there for a really good reason. Otherwise I will have to go and vote yes for the Hide a Poster button but I'd really prefer an Explode the Poster one.

And no MaryZ you're simply wrong. It was nothing to do with attention.

I genuinely got extremely upset, the same way a person dealing with a rape victim would have got upset about rape jokes.

I took it seriously, and some people weren't.

I really am over that part now. A lot of constructive feedback/action has come from this thread (in my opinion), and beliefs about wallowing/attention-seeking etc are simply unfounded... and probably projection on the part of those posters.

No Scarah I'm here to stay.

You keep telling me I have to like or lump you. Well you're going to have to like or lump me.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGH.

That was to your previous post to MaryZ. My response to yours is, you are exactly what I thought you were originally.

I think the number of people you're fooling now has shrunk to 2 or 3. The rest of us think you're an AC.

.... the implication being that other posters don't care about you?

You had tons of consistent advice on your first thread. Only when it was obvious you were not listening or taking it on board did the silliness start.

I think you'll find that people were very sensitive to the issue - it was your apparently deliberate imperviousness that provoked the responses that followed.

Stop trying to over-think it and accept that you were foolish yesterday. And please recognise that people did try and help you.

would this be an appropriate moment to tell you all about the two cannibals who sat down to eat a clown for tea? One said to the other ' does this taste funny to you?'

MNHQ doesn't have to do anything to its free website which nobody is under any obligation to use. It certainly doesn't have to dance to the tune of the Po. How unbelievably arrogant to think otherwise. HQ respond very considerately to polite requests from users, IME, but they are not obliged to entertain being bossed around by sour malcontents with an over-developed sense of entitlement.

I don't know what an AC is, and I'm not trying to fool anybody.

More projection probably on your part. But I'm finding you more cute as time goes on.

I thought that was what you were trying to avoid?
What you were trying to change?

BigBroom

I know I was foolish, and I do admit that.

Believe it or not, I am listening very carefully to all of you.

A lot of people really did try to help me (98% or more even I'd say).

My problem is that, whether or not you think it was justified, I felt extremely hurt.

If that hurt is down to a flaw in me, then I'm going to find that flaw and fix it if I can.

And if the flaw is being oversensitive, then I'm musing about how to correct it... hence the post a few posts up.

Ultra

Nobody is bossing or ordering MMHQ about.

I've made a simple request, for them to take onboard or reject as they please.

Maybe it is your desire to boss/order me about that is getting frustrated.

I wasn't referring to you, Halfway.

amillion

I'm sorry... I'm really not sure what you mean.

What was I trying to avoid?

UltraBof, I dont know if you were talking to Halfway or me.

MNHQ changes with the times,change with advances in technology, adapts to changes in the law, and can change its mind on its own policies any time it likes.
MN is not a static entity.

Ultra

I don't care if you were. I was referring to you.

Sorry op, my posts weren't to you, they were to amillion who I think is struggling a bit with all of this because she is too nice and wants to believe the best of everyone (sorry amillion, I thought the op had gone).

Personally I have had a luvverly evening. I have just watched the nicest Grand Designs and am feeling fluffy and loved [hsmile]

Ha! Woops, sorry Ultra

Slightly over-kill on the aggressive front from me now... its not a mode I usually get into, and have tried to avoid. Well I guess now I'm experimenting with it.