Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

Yes, I said I had ages ago. Keep up garlic :)

Halfway I'm not responding to what you just wrote, because I can't.

I had Quorn spag bol. It was pretty dull, despite a beef-flavoured stock cube (or possibly because of it.) Did you know Quorn's made from a fungus which is almost identical in composition to toenails?

Whooo

Its certainly open for exploiting. People laughing at situations like mine are the thin end of the wedge.

I would stop making myself look worse and worse if I were you.

Actually, people who are suffering do have a bit of a duty of care to themselves. (unless they are officially 'vulnerable' in which case whoever is looking after them needs to keep an eye on their internet access).

If Person A is (I am using an entirely hypothetical example here) distressed because s/he was harmed by someone who was recognisably a member of a particular section of society - let's say golfers - and therefore finds golf or any mention of it distressing, s/he would surely be percieved as asking for trouble if s/he joined any kind of general forum in order to wail and howl about how horrible golfers are, and had the screaming shits at any mention of golf or golfers whatsoever.

Ah, thanks, Gin [hwink]

Shouldn't be here still but popped in to say SGB I think I love you! :)

And rape victims actually exist in real life...

Oh go and boil your head.

That was to halfbaked.

You know, once upon a time people didn't think there was any such thing as rape in certain contexts.

Marital rape? Didn't exist.

Date rape? Didn't exist.

Can you imagine how friends trying to help those people would have felt if they'd come on Mumsnet in that context and been laughed at, because they obviously didn't exist.

I don't care that you think I, and my issues, don't exist. I do, and they do.

Laughing at it is disgusting.

Actually, here's one from my big book of chat-up-counters. If a bloke ever said, 'Baby, I wanna eat a piece of you' I would suggest sticking finger up nose, hooking a big green one and proffering it. Then laughing at him and calling him a lightweight should he decline.

The golf analogy doesn't hold up for this simple reason.

Using your analogy...

I love golf. I love going golfing. The local golf course happens to be a big boys club, and no females have joined yet.

I join up, and they are obviously not used to a female presence, and so continue to make jokes that they have been finding funny since the club was started.

When I complain, they tell me that this is how it is, this is how its always been, and I should go elsewhere.

No sorry. I won't. I still want to play golf. I just think certain behaviour from a minority here is unacceptable, and should be challenged, and properly dealt with.

MMHQ obviously think its worth considering what to do about themselves.

Halfway you brought your friends situation to everybody's attention on here, why would you make public something so troubling, strange and alarming when the obvious answer was tell the nutter [him I should make clear] to fuck off and report him to the police.

You are whining.

Are the Police involved yet?

Please MNHQ, make it stop

I see zilly's left the thread.
But that's fine 'cos halfway is back

Also, to those people who seem to think I accept ZERO responsibility for how I felt yesterday.

Thats simply not the case, and I don't know how many times I can say it. I've pointed out a gazillion times that I know I should have done things differently, and gone about things in a different way, and given very specific examples as to how I will do things differently.

Thats not going to stop me pointing out other people's behaviour I found disturbing.

Well it is halloween.

Are you still supporting your friend or is your one woman crusade on here taking up all of your time?

Repeat questions... all those answers have been given thoroughly in this thread (why I came here, why AIBU, police etc.)

If you cared, you'd have read it and you'd know by now. So I don't believe your intentions are genuine. And I'm done unless any other genuine points/posts come up.

Have a good night all.

Actually, calling the police was shitty advice. The police cannot act on something someone is supposed to have said. Hearsay isn't evidence.

Well, unless friendburgers turned up somewhere, I suppose.

Now echo and usual, it was this sort of behaviour that got us into this trouble in the first place.
Kindly desist

I wonder if we can convince a couple of posters to post at the exact same time...I'm not making accusations, just wondering if they could...

I'm waiting with baited breath, walter.

But, and call me slow if you like; I still don't understand why you thought that posting such a weird and disturbing subject in AIBU near to halloween during half-term was a good idea.

Why in Mr Kipling's name didn't you stick somewhere APPROPRIATE?
What, did you think was going to happen? YOU are entirely responsible for subjecting your friend to the responses to that thread because of where YOU decided to stick it. I'm really not worried about you, but if your friend exists you have done her no favours at all.

I've read through the ensuing carnage on both threads and I still don't get it.