Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

If MN changes to suit the more delicate, I'm off.

No Scarah, you're all accusing Zilly of NCing JUST to call specific people a bully.

She hasn't done that, she's mainly talking about sticking to talk guidelines.

So now mumsnet have confirmed that zillyzilly NCed a couple of days ago, sonot specifically to be in disguise on this thread, are you all going to say sorry to her for accusing her of doing this?

Scarah

I think I'm an individual with an opinion, and a voice just as loud as yours.

If you don't like reading about my opinion here, then how about you go elsewhere... or you know, press the 'hide thread' button.

Its up to Mumsnet whether they think my opinion (and others) is worth considering. And they obviously do.

No auf I didn't make it up, I posted an opinion, which I am entitled to do.

Why do you think it's ok for you to say someone is a bully, or a fantasist, or a liar, but nobody is allowed to say anything about you.

You are a massive hypocrite and you can just get out of my face.

afraid by recalling it and she said,I said you're keeping gripe going
we are adults things get said,you may or may not agree with.
be mature enough not to traipse gripes around mn.if need resolution tell mnhq

Because Halfway I am happy with it the way it is now. I don't need, or want it to change. Most of Mumsnet feels the same way.

You do.

So you should find somewhere that you do like. I am utterly baffled as to why you think it should a) change, and b) why on earth you stay.

I was on the other thread, gave you the benefit of the doubt and posted a serious response or two to the thread. Not all of what happened on the thread was simply due to the unkindness of certain posters. Some was also down to your posting style, and your continued refusal to take advice about the subject-matter and where to put the thread.

To be honest, I think that thread and this evince a certain amount of special pleading by you, OP. You owe other posters just as much (or as little) responsibility to use restraint, and insight as they owe you. I think that's very important to bear in mind

Me too Were, the lunatics really are trying to take over the asylum. Family time now, I think.

Yes tricks but I'm really not here.

eldritch that is what I tried to say, incredibly badly, about a billion years ago. Ta.

I am still unclear of MNHQ's position on all of this.

On the original thread, they closed it 25 hours after it first started.
That is late to the party by anyone's standards!!!

Not sure when they first started deleting.
Also, they say they closed it after gazillions of reports overnight.
Did hardly anyone report it before that?

tbh, MNHQ, I get a bit fed up of you apologising about being "a bit late to the party".
Can you try and sort yourselves out sooner in future please, as some posters get emotionally hurt by your repeated delays.

I realise that everyone is different, and some people get emotionally hurt sooner than others, but I do think you have a duty of care to stop regularly turning up late.

I should really stop reading this, but a suggestion for MNHQ, why not hide a post from a poster as soon as they report it? At least until it has been reviewed.

This might need to be a ticky box to stop people loosing threads when they report something they want to be involved in when reporting it for thread title change/move board etc.

No lunatics aren't taking over the asylum.

They are just daring to ask wtf people feel it's ok to continue to break talk guidelines.

Yesterday's thread shows numerous deletions which MNHQ said were due to troll hunting and derailing. There seems nothing wrong in asking people why they do it.

mn has no duty if care.given there's no implicit oe explicit contract
mn isn't a professional delivering care,mn is unregulated website for mop
the responsibility primarily lies with individual to regulate self, and mnhq intervene too

Scarah

Someone (maybe you) made an analogy about McDonalds.

If I didn't like fast food, would I go to McDonalds and complain about the fast food?

The answer is no, I wouldn't.

Here is my analogy of the situation.

I love Mcdonalds, and I love their fast food. Maybe one day I think it would be nice if Mcdonalds had one or two healthier options as well (like salad).

So I write a request and send it to their head office. Thats all.

Its up to them if they think its worth changing or not.

Agree with you amillionyears

You'd have thought they would their beady eyes all over this thread today.

It's very weird.

I can't believe the way some of you are talking to Helen/HQ.

This thread is full of horrors. I'm hiding this now- it's been like some awful car wreck.

Scarah you said that you'd seen me calling bully on lots of threads. That's not an opinion, that's something you're presenting as a fact.

You then said that you thought it was as if I trawled the boards, looking for people to call bully on. That's opinion sure, but it's based on your previous "fact".

The reality is that what you said was false. (As you now know, searching on my name comes up with me calling bully once om another thread).

If I had been caught out making this kind of mistake I would have apologised. However you have added insult to injury by refusing to take it back and by going on about it.

And you're still bringing it up! If you don't want me to respond to you, then it's simple, just stop bringing the subject up! After we have these exchanges I drop it. Why don't you too, this time? It really is getting boring!

People can say what they like about me. But if it's not true I'm going to defend myself!

ginha I've accepted my responsibility for inadvertently hurting others with that thread.

I've made the point repeatedly in this thread that I unreservedly apologise for that, and have taken on board what I need to do differently to stop that happening again.

I apologised to a few people in pms. And I apologised to anyone who raised their hurt here on this thread, including you.

Many of you also seem to think I am targetting you for posts in that thread.

If you didn't post a joke laughing about it repeatedly after I asked you not to, then I'm not targetting you, or your posting style.

if people are going to get in froth about mn duty of care,I can mention Donoghue v Stevenson [1932] my fave case. slug in ginger bottle case
there's a plaque,and many people know Donoghue v Stevenson [1932]

scottishmummy, I think you are wrong. MNHQ have to abide by rules and regulations of this country like anyone else.
They also, presumably, have a contract with the internet service provider.
I dont know how it all works exactly, but from what I understand,if MNHQ were to upset the ISP sufficiently , or the ISP got enough complaints about them, the ISP can pull the plug on them.

Not saying MNHQ are remotely anywhere near this, but yes they do have sertain "duties of care" to be able to carry on running the site, and I would hope also from a moral or ethical point of view.

I cannot see how Mumsnet could possibly be unregulated.
No tiny tiny business in this country is unregulated.

No idea what mop is.

Helen, could I just ask - as you seem to be sort of about - if you could clarify for people that I'm not some other persona of whoever this 'Lesley' bird was/is?

I'd really appreciate it - as someone said, like the way you clarified that Halfway isn't anything sinister.

I'm still feeling rattled that anyone thought I was a known troll.

Thanks. (obv if you need to go and verify/look up stuff then I understand, that takes time etc) (but I've always used the same email since 2007)(and I wouldn't know how to work a smartphone if I was stuck in a prison cell with one for 20 years)