Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

zilly hadn't posted at all until she posted yesterday. And it was the only thread she was posting on.

And yes auf was extremely rude and called me names. I'd quite like it to all stand though, as I think it shows her up to be a massive hypocrite. If you don't mind.

Thank you.

I'm now being pursued in the same way that Lesley33 was; and that was a shameful episode in MN history.

And so is Auf.

oh do one would you?

I'm in shed loads of pain (as usual) ds2 is teething and ds1 has tonsillitis. I have just realised that hanging out on MN is not improving my mood today. So I am going to contemplate the recycling.

You aren't being pursued.

People are asking why you would specifically name-change to call people bullies. That is anonymous bullying in itself.

If you feel this strongly on the issue, have the courage of your convictions and post under your usual name.

And, by the way, the reason Lesley got into trouble was that she sockpuppeted all over the board, including on quiche threads, she lied about who she was/wasn't and then went on Facebook to cause even more trouble.

She wasn't bullied - she upset a lot of people.

Also Halfway, I think you need to appreciate that this board has run very successfully for a very long time. Why should it change, just to meet the criteria of a very few, not necessarily reasonably offended posters?

Most posters like it just the way it is. I'm very firmly of the 'if you don't like it, find somewhere different that you do like'. You wouldn't keep going back to McDonalds if you hated fast food, would you? Or would you?

(Felt like overdramatising my exit, despite it having fuck all to do with the thread)

Scarah's Slutty brownies anyone

ginhag :o

Why don't you all go and find something more mature and productive to do?

People are posting on other thread that their children are dying of cancer and they get a tenth of the interest this thread has generated.

Just to stick up for Zilly here, as people seem to be accusing her of pretty awful things, if you actually look at her posts, the majority do not mention bullying at all. She asked yesterday why people were troll hunting when it is against talk guidelines. That is not bullying, it is not po, it is just asking why people aren't following the rules.

When she does start to talk about bullying it's in response to a pretty horrible post by someone stating that some people "not only seek it out (bullying) but bring it on themselves".

So she clearly didn't NC to accuse people of bullying (some people's are clearly a lit bit too paranoid)

Read the posts before accusing people of things.

AND SYRIA

DON'T FORGET SYRIA

HelenMumsnet

Sorry, just reskimmed and saw the other concern (which is that people might simply hide instead of reporting).

How about when an individual presses the 'hide poster' button, a little pop-up reminder asks them if the post is also worth reporting?

Just an idea, as you can probably tell, I feel very strongly about this, and am obviously not alone.

No of course not Quick. She just very conveniently happened to appear, out of thin air, on the one thread.

Of course she didn't nc just to do that. Why on earth would anyone think so? [hhmm]

That was quite strange. I'm glad I've left the thread.

Not alone at all, Halfway.

Scarah

You liking it the way it is is your prerogative.

Some of us don't like a few things about it, and have legitimate feedback to give Mumsnet about it.

Its up to them what they ultimately do with it. But if individuals never tried to influence wider powers (governments, laws, and yes - internet forums etc.), then nothing would ever change.

And sometimes things need to.

Scarah, why do you keep bringing that up?

For the umpteenth time, I called you a fantasist as you made stuff up about me, and refused to retract it when I called you on it. I think that's fair enough!

Why on earth are you still going on about it?!

I'd also rather it stands, as anyone who reads it will see that you were making shit up about me, and then trying to use it against me.

How's about Halfway that you find a forum that already has a Hide the Poster button. And you try there? Why the fuck do you think a huge successful forum should change just because you want it to?

Who the hell do you think you are to strut about ordering people about and telling them how to behave? If you and others don't like it piss off somewhere else.

Otherwise I might bite someone. [hangry]

is someone a wickle bit jealous as she has no friends and has to spend her time reading cliquey threads in OTBT, rather than taking part in them herself? boo hoo poor ickle MNer.