Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

I think if you start a thread saying "is it ok for my friends new b/f to cut bits off her and eat it as part of sex" you need to be able to face a bit of piss-taking.

I mean, really!

Because the answer has to be either "you are a loon" or "this is a joke" - there are no other options.

The OP on the thread in question was begging people to stop. It didn't seem to be diffusing things for her!

Humour is great for diffusing things in some contexts of course. But taking the piss out of the OP while calling troll, is not diffusing anything, it's mocking someone for your own entertainment.

It would be horrible to be on the receiving end of, don't you think?

I love you, Mary

I'm a bit confused by this whole thread tbh. I followed the entire thread yesterday and I do believe it was true BUT

Problem A: friend at risk frome cannibal vore freak.
Problem B: people made some jokes and puns about cannibals and generaly indulged in a bit of piss takery.

Surely problem B pales into comparison! Why is it even an issue [hhmm] wouldn't your friend being eaten be more upsetting than someone calling you Val McDermaid?

wouldn't your friend being eaten be more upsetting than someone calling you Val McDermaid?

This is a very pertinent question. I like it.

Strawhatpirate I imagine while problem A was the more important, problem B was the more immediate as unfolding right then, don't you think?

I'm really surprised both these threads are still here, they serve no one well and leave a bad taste

I don't think anyone directly took the piss out of the OP did they? They mocked the ludicrous idea that it would ever be ok to let your partner eat you a bit at a time. Because it is ludicrous. And she was begging people to stop talking about something she'd posted on an internet forum. You can't police people's reactions.

The piss-taking continued by several people after the OP begged people to stop. That's just low IMO.

Me too, SirSugar. I'm only here because I cannot face question 5 of my latest job application

We shall agree to disagree, aufaniae. This is also the nature of internet forums. Posters on MN have always used humour when faced with odd posts. It's one of the things I love about the place.

AFAIR someone made a crack about eating Worra's rump. There endeth the piss taking. Which wasn't piss taking of the op, t'was piss taking of the subject matter. Which no, you're right, isn't helpful; but then, she'd already had a bazillion people tell her 'no, that's not right' by then and didn't actually need to eek out the drama by solely responding to people who weren't prostrating themselves in shock and engaging directly with her. Then starting this thread when hers was locked.

And so it goes, go round again...

I find it interesting that I have had replies from mnhq saying they are keeping an eye and they have deleted one post on this thread so must be keeping an eye.

And yet lots of posts still stand which are, er, a tad disbelieving.

Personally I think SGB's post sums it up rather well and I'm glad to see it still there.

Glad you're here SirSugar. Perhaps you can ask OP 'what was you thinking? (when you chose AIBU to discuss cannibalism)'.

"You can't police people's reactions." Mumsnet do exactly that don't they?

My reaction to childish bullying is to point out that it's what it is, as it seems the people doing it have no idea nor care how they affect others.

It's about basic human decency IMO, I couldn't give a flying fuck whether this is RL or AIBU, other people deserve a bit of respect.

Taking the piss out of the idea was mocking the OP, it's inferred and I imagine not nice to be on the receiving end of. If it's all OK and not at all aimed at the OP, why was she getting upset? It's not up to anyone to say what reaction people should have to things you say, you have to look at the reality, which here is that if someone posts something, and then people take the piss, they will feel it's personal, no matter how much you protest it's aimed at the idea not the person. You're ignoring their feelings to pretend otherwise.

Cross posts, yes, we'll have to agree to disagree!

OP asks outrageous/beyond the boundries question re Friend

Shock and awe ensues

OP continues feeding/ turns thread upon herself

Black humour arrives in face of shocking content

Posters begin bunfight

multiple deletions/suspension/locked thread

New thread begins to further the experience

More of the same as above

'Thats entertainment folks' which can surely be the only reason the threads are still here?

I had decided to keep off this thread because imo all this drama and attention was exactly what the OP was craving - both on the last thread and this one... and I don't think attention seeking to that extreme is particularly healthy. People start falling out over it and the OP sits back and basks in the 'glow'...it looks pretty narcissistic to me.

But since my name seems to have come up, I just wanted to say thanks to Ivor for saying exactly what I wanted to say.

Or at least I would have said if I was posting on this thread.

But I'm not...so there!

I've only just come to this and have read very little of it; I thought it must be about relationships, because of where it was, despite looking sideways at the title the other day.

Sorry OP.

In answer to your initial posts - yes, this does sometimes happen on here. It's horrid. It also happens elsewhere on the net - the worst place I ever encountered it was on a very obscure forum where a lot of people were seemingly interested in astrology, but you could ask about relationships and so on.

I posted something relatively innocuous and got torn to PIECES by them. I didn't even understand what most of them were saying, the in jokes were so profuse. It was really hideous and very hard to get out of - however nice and sensible and apologetic my replies, it got worse and worse and I eventually left it as it was just a mauling.

MN has never been that bad, thankfully - but it does get bad. You get pile ons, you get bullying, now and then - you get a situation where one person gets ripped to pieces by a group and no one comes along to intervene, they just see it and back away slowly as it's almost unbelievable.

It can make you very upset IRL.

I don't know what you can do about it but I am proud of the way you stood up to what was happening and made your case. It had an impact on those of us willing to take you at face value, and probably no impact on those who are resistant to genuine distress and will never concede that they were hurtful.

That's their issues though, not yours.
Not sure what else to say and will shut up now till something occurs to me.

and just FYI, anyone presently using the word 'Po' is getting struck unremittingly off my christmas card list. You Have Been Warned.

like anyone cares

I had been wondering, wtf is "po"?

Oh God don't even ASK

Has anyone ever known MNHQ to lock a thread but not delete it?

Something that's not said often enough is that, while bullying is not nice, some people not only bring it on themselves but seek it out, because being a howling, ullulating, bucketheaded martyr is one of the ways they get their jollies.

Jesus, that's sent shivers down my spine, that has. Eulch.