Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

So is trolling, sadly.

can i just say that some people do need reassurance on matters that they feel they cannot trust themlselves on - sometimes its something mundane - sometimes its not.

it doesnt make it not real.

Hear, hear, Vicar. This board is crammed full of people asking what posters would do/think/say/feel about very personal situations. If they all got told to piss off and find a specialist forum, I'd get more work done there'd be tumbleweed all over Relationships.

people who are abused react psychologically in very different ways to that which most people would expect or understand. i have no doubt the op did not expect the reaction she got. but its easier to piss take and call troll - too far out to understand.
its not that bigger leap really, from one aspect of abuse to another. its easier to recoil in horror and disbelieve someone that the alternative.
AIBU was not the place for this.

Well said Vicar

Troll hunting is against Talk Guidelines. Actually.

The point about Talk Guidelines is that they exist to protect ordinary members from the kind of thing which has happened all over this thread, and the original one. The Guidelines do need to be enforced, though, otherwise they are nothing but a farce.

How come yesterdays thread is the only one I know that gets to be locked, but not deleted.
I think MNHQ may be in on it all.

I don't find some of those things extremely horrifying any more unless I stop to think about it, because I am almost completely jaded to them, because of my own life experiences.

OP, if your boundaries and understanding of what is normal are so very fucked up, then you have no right to offer relationship advice to anyone.

Certainly not someone contemplating cannibalism.

And least of all when by your own admission there was an appreciable risk that you might have supported her in this sickness.

Seriously. Stop talking to your friends about their relationships. At all. Just stop.

You want her to learn to be more tolerant? Fuck me.

Well now I've read through 17 pages I must point out the bleeding obvious:
OP - your hide a poster idea wouldn't have worked. You would have had to read each response to realise they were "mocking" then hid them. You would only have been "protected" from subsequent mocking posts from those posters, it wouldn't have protected you from seeing the mocking until you were "strong enough to face it"

Secondly, it's unlikely that a forum in which you can't even quote has the functionality to hide posters and unhide them.

I love the idea of MNHQ being "in on it". They are a norty, norty lot over at MNHQ - biscuits, gin AND the occasional human arm. Who knew?

I think MNHQ ARE in on it. Hot bed of cannibalism and underworld shenanigans, is MN Towers.

I am weeping at Serentity's point that you'd have to have read the mocking posts in order to hide 'em. Where were you yesterday? We could have given up and had an early bath .

"This board is crammed full of people asking what posters would do/think/say/feel about very personal situations. If they all got told to piss off and find a specialist forum, I'd get more work done there'd be tumbleweed all over Relationships."

This thread is in relationships. OP's earlier sexual cannibalism thread started out in AIBU. Relationships would be the specialist forum (if she stayed on MN), and wouldn't be tumbleweed.

OP may however, given what she has said about her reactions, be better off on a moderated site, or one which validated users. That's not the same as telling everyone to piss off. It's individual advice to someone who, despite her experience on MN over the months, is actually looking for a safe space; something that MN as open site can never be.

Well noone else said it and the OP seems to think she's solved he woes with her "idea"

I made a conscious decision not to engage in case OP is a proper, bonefide crazy who causes all sorts of online/RL stalker problems for Those who mock her. I've seen it happen, oh yes

Trolling is against Talk Guidelines. Actually

Where on earth are mnhq? Have they given up on us all in the hope that we will all eat ourselves?

I mean, I even mentioned Mitmoo by name.

Eating people is never cool I like the mockery. It is rarely aimed at an individual. Posters pick up on a comedy thread and run with it, ime. I have long suspected that MNHQ are behind everything.

I was one of the mockers. It was just a couple of puns that I exchanged with another poster.
It was silly childish humor but quite funny.
I also reported you early on OP, as the good Mumsnetter I am, as I didn't believe your story.Anyway they were deleted, as were your personal attacks so wrong on both sides.

"I get why the thread was derailed and locked. I think its wrong, and I think theres something that can be done about it."

There will always be arguments for/against censorship. I started reading your AIBU thread, but left it after a page or so.

I'm of the opinion that MNHQ locked the thread partly to protect you, OP. It works both ways.

LadyEvilBeagle I doubt you intend to be mean, or think you're bullying people. But it is exactly the kind of "childish" humour that you, Worra and others were engaging in which can feel like bullying to someone on the receiving end, especially when lots of people are doing it. It was particularly those posts which I found to be unacceptable tbh.

Please imagine for a minute that the OP is not a troll. How do you think you would feel if you posted something here and got a load of people saying you were making it up and then they took the piss out of you?

I understand that trolls are a threat to our forum, so report if you smell a rat. The piss-taking is not part of protecting our forum, it's simply you lot making fun at someone else's expense.

It might be fun for you, but IMO it's exactly like the stuff the bully girls in my school did. They were constantly making fun of people for their own amusement. How is this any different?

See, however infallible you think you are, in general if you go round taking the piss out of "trolls", eventually you will get it wrong and take the piss out of someone who is genuine and possibly really quite vulnerable. I really wouldn't want to be that person (the bully) would you?

Also, mumsnet bans this stuff. What makes you think you're so special that the rules don't apply to you?

MN 'bans' troll hunting (well, they delete comments if that's what you mean). They don't ban taking the piss.
Or it'd be all Tumbleweed and Po around here.

Piss taking is often used on MN to diffuse things when they start getting heated. I, personally, think it deflects personal attacks towards the OP. I've seen it do so on many threads. People stop booting the OP and join in with the puns/new direction. It seems to offer a safe exit, iyswim.

People have always eaten people.
What else is there to eat?
If the good Lord had meant us not to eat people
He wouldn't have made us of meat.

LEB and Worra aren't bullies.

They weren't even taking the piss out of the op, they were taking the piss out of the subject matter.

When the op stated that she was upset Worra stated then and there that she had made 2 (2!) remarks, neither of which were addressed to the op and neither of which contained any personal remarks about her.

There are a couple of people on here who do make unpleasant remarks at times and definitely goad on occasion. LEB and Worra have never done this to my knowledge, and they weren't doing it then.

Also, expressing disbelief at i) the subject matter ii) the Op asking for advice about whether it is 'ok' to eat someone is different to calling troll. Both of these things have happened on this thread too and no one's yelling 'bully' at those who've done it here. Saying 'I can't believe this is real' is a natural reaction to such an appalling question and is not the same as, 'I don't believe you; be gone back under your bridge'.