Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

Badger

I appreciated your apology and responded to it.

I'm not here to get sympathy, I wanted to make something constructive out of the whole thing and I have done.

I've got a lot of useful feedback here about what I should have done differently.

I've hopefully addressed at least some of the concerns people had, and had an opportunity to apologise to some of the ones I accidentally hurt.

Its not a useless wallowing exercise (although you seem to think it is), thats not where my mind is at all.

I'm entirely focused on what constructive feedback people have given me, what I'm going to do differently in future, what I think is worth asking MMHQ for, and trying to apologise to anyone who has come here expressing hurt/shock.

I just have to point out that an OP's own thread usually is all about them!

And that it's impossible to make the whole world understand you, even if there were any benefit to it. Which there isn't.

You are no more important on this forum than any one of us.

Get over yourselves or find another forum.

yourself*

walter

Then don't give it to me and go elsewhere. Its not my motivation.

Whooooosualsuspect

Where have I ever said I am more important than anyone else on this forum?

I have repeatedly said I have no wish to stop any of you from posting the way you seem to enjoy posting.

I just want to have a way of accessing advice here whilst filtering out the more harmful/hurtful stuff at the time. A 'hide poster' button would do that, and wouldn't effect you in any way. So whats the problem?

You aint going to get a hide poster option anytime soon, so maybe find a forum that has one.

Let me make it clear again.

I'm happy for this thread to end.

I have everything I need from it (the useful feedback, and knowledge of what to do in the future).

I literally am just here to deal with anything you might want from me, in terms of processing what happened yesterday.

Why do I care? Because I do care. I care about people and how you feel, and I feel responsible for the way in which I caused hurt/shock/outrage (that I utterly didn't mean to). And if I can help you understand why I did that, and that I am very sorry... then I'll stick around and do it.

Thats all. If you don't want any further information from me, then please do just go. I'm not holding you here.

The problem is that if you want to hide what is being said by half the people here then this is not the forum for you. You do not have the right to be here demanding changes to any damned thing. It's not YOUR forum. The best way to avoid having the piss ripped out of you is to refrain from posting threads about, you know, is it ok for people to snack on one another for a little light refreshment.

You want a hide poster option, maybe I don't.

Are your needs greater than mine then?

Whooooosualsuspect That doesn't mean I can't ask for it. And I intend to do so.

What MMHQ do with the request is up to them... I'm entirely aware they may ignore it. I'm still going to ask.

No my needs aren't greater than yours. But your needs are your prerogative. I can't stop you from expressing them to MMHQ, so go ahead.

What will you do if they ignore it?

Look OP - what happened yesterday was just what happens sometimes. It was a reaction to your outrageous post. It's happened before and it will happen again and here's the bit you need to get your head around - Nobody's going to make a Hollywood movie about it. Nobody. Ever. You have overreacted enormously and continue to do so. In the grand scheme of things, actually, fuck all 'happened' yesterday.

Maybe MN is not the place for you

Badger

I really am starting to repeat myself now... so maybe everything that can be addressed here has been, and I think actually I am just going to go.

I don't want to hide half of what everyone is saying. I just wanted to hide the 'haha isn't it funny' comments, which would have left a TON of useful advice behind that I could have taken on board without getting so wound up.

I would have gone back and read even the mocking bits later, but at that time it was too much for me to take on board because I was trying to focus on what to do about my friend, not on how amusing some people were evidently finding the whole situation.

Scarah you did mention PenandInk first! I assumed it was rhyming slang for stinks, but p'raps it was an autocorrect moment?

We will be talking about some other MN drama next week, don't kid yourself that you are anything special.

Whoops, massively delayed post that is completely irrelevant. Ignore please!

walter

If they ignore it, I'll be sad, because it means I'm never going to be able to pace the advice I get in anyway... and its always all or nothing.
I say pace because I would always fully intend to read everything, but sometimes I just can't handle all of it, but would like to take on board some of it for the time being.

But I'll stay here, and I'll press on.

Whooooosualsuspect

I don't think I am anything special. I think thats you projecting now. Why don't you just go somewhere else and prove yourself right.

Badgers

I'm cool with you. I really am. You were one of the very few who seemed to recognise I actually was hurting and tried to alleviate that. And for that I was/am very grateful.

So please don't think I am trying to attack you here (in case you are). I'm not.

Why don't you go somewhere else that suits you better?

I don't want to hide half of what everyone is saying. I just wanted to hide the 'haha isn't it funny' comments, which would have left a TON of useful advice behind that I could have taken on board without getting so wound up.

If people posting on a forum that you have chosen to sign up to gets you "so wound up," you need to either dereg or just step away from the internet altogether for a while. I speak from experience. You won't do it though. If you're for real, you'll likely carry on exposing yourself to something that you know to be harmful for quite a while yet. Then it'll come to a head, there'll be a crisis, and you'll learn the hard way.