Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

And I don't know why people seem to think I think something really big happened yesterday???

It was big for me, but I am under no illusion that it was big for you, and actually think some of you think I am nothing more than a bit of shit on your shoe.

I don't mind if you think that. I know its not true.

For one who struggles so to assimilate information and therefore respond appropriately quickly, you certainly seem to be fielding critical posts quickly enough.

Enough for me, I don't intend to feed you (pun intended) any more.

I'm bored with this non-drama already.

Exactly,sunflowersfollowthesun

I don't mind if you think that.

LOL. Ok.

Sugarice

I obviously come across to you that way. But I've stated what my motivation here now is. So if you're determined to think its attention I want... then simply don't give it to me.

I've posted about my friend, and where things are at now with her in this thread. I don't believe you actually care.

And actually, yes I do think most of you who remain are just trying to be horrible.

If there are any other actual concerns, then I'll address them. Otherwise yes, the thread has run its course.

I dunno, Badgers.

Someone, somewhere might be making a movie. We don't know.

Sorry but I think that was one of the most ridiculous AIBU's I've ever seen (and that's saying something!). I'm not sure what sort of reaction you expected really.

And the fact that you've now started another attention-seeking thread all about you and your feelings...well, that says a lot about your motivations in posting in the first place, and is not going to convince anyone that the original thread was genuine.

And I don't know why people seem to think I think something really big happened yesterday

Because you repeatedly refer to "what happened yesterday" in that overly dramatic way of yours.

I'm out. Enjoy the rest of it.

Halfway, you keep saying you're happy for this thread to end and that you've got what you needed from it. So, stop posting on it and let it die a natural death. You don't owe anyone any further answers to what you perceive to be their ongoing concerns about your motivation. Many of us perceive your insistence on continuing a futile dialogue as attention seeking.

I do assimilate information quickly when it is detached from emotion, which is the critical point here if you actually care about understanding.

I'm very calm, and the situation is not desperate.

halfway have you been offline long enough to tend to your baby tonight?

The problem I have with the treatment of the OP by the troll hunters is that they're so sure they're right, and lay into people on the basis that they're trool and so free game. But even if their trolldars are pretty good, they're bound to get it wrong eventually. And then they'll be responsible for treating already vulnerable people pretty fucking badly.

I assume many of the posts on mumsnet are made up - even the mundane ones. I imagine there are many lonely people who make all sorts of stuff up just to talk to people, not just trolls who want to shock. We have no way of knowing if any thread is for real, unless you know the poster personally. And just because someone's been posting for ages doesn't mean they're telling the truth!

As far as I can tell, the main objection people have to the OP is that it's very extreme. But it's not out of the realms of human experience. People with cannibal tendencies do exist. Are mumsnetters immune from meeting them? Often when people troll-hunt it's because the content is too weird for them to accept. But some pretty weird shit does go on out there!

Also, what exactly is going on here? Are posters simply pointing out "I think this sounds odd, be careful not to reveal too many personal details people"? No, it's far from that. What happened in that thread was bullying. It's just like the pathetic bunch of girls at my secondary school who thought they were just so clever because they spent their time publicly putting other people down, and making their own snide in jokes. (No, it wasn't directed at me particularly before any of you start with the amateur-psychology.)
That's bullying, plain and simple. Anyone who claims it's not is deluded IMO.

Iam

I think you're right... I'm assuming their intentions are genuine, and that I can actually foster some understanding between us.

And it seems their intentions are not what they state, and in fact they are still trying to 'hunt' me, meaning they will never accept I am a real person with genuine intentions no matter what I say. So there is no point to staying here.

Thank you very much for that post. I think I needed it.

The OP may be for real or not, none of us can know. But more importantly IMO, is the fact that she could be telling the truth, we have no evidence otherwise. If people get drummed off mumsnet because they post experiences which are out of the realms of "normal" experience, then some very vulnerable people will basically be told to go fuck themselves and be denied the support that the rest of us get here. And for what purpose, just so the troll-hunters can have a bit of fun? A crying shame IMO.

For me it's not about whether any individual poster is for real, it's the principle of it. If you troll hunt you will get it wrong eventually and could cause a lot of harm. If you can't give people the benefit of the doubt, then why not hide the thread? Using other people's misery as a playspace to make yourself look witty is really low IMO. And many of the reasons the trollhunters give for their "evidence" is just so shaky. They're like a fucking lynch mob. One of the reasons we have laws and a justice system is to protect innocent people from bloodthirsty vigilante mobs who are so sure they're right.

And anyway, if they are a troll they must love the shit it stirs up, with all of us fighting each other! You're feeding trolls by calling troll in the first place IMO! Why not just report?

Lastly I couldn't give a monkey's ass if it's AIBU. Robust discussion, great. Swearing, great. Savage picking apart of a poster - that's just low. I don't care what the forum is, underneath it we're people talking to each other. Other people deserve to be treated with a certain level of respect, no matter what the forum is. Anyone who doesn't understand this has had an empathy bypass as far as I'm concerned.

Seriously, if you were genuinely concerned that a friend of yours was literally 'heading to her death' right at this moment as you're typing, would you really be so concerned about the best way to lobby MNHQ for a 'hide poster' button. Really?

Come on, you've had your fun. I think it's time to give it up now.

This thread is more interesting than the telly right now!

"I assume many of the posts on mumsnet are made up"

Well that's where you and I differ.

I assume that the vast, vast majority of posts on mumsnet are, in essence, true or at least based on the truth. And the vast majority of posters are looking for support and help.

Posters who deliberately post made-up attention seeking threads do a lot of damage to the site, because they make people think the way you do, and that damages the usefulness of the site as a support site, which is what it was originally set up as.

And, aufaniae, what makes you think any of us haven't reported?

I have, more than once. And am again.

If you don't mind about trolls, then you are very misguided and naive. Because trolls damage forums, they emotionally drain people, they cause a lot more harm than a few of us having a bit of a bargy on a thread.

Saying troll-hunters are bullies who do a lot of damage is ignoring the fact that trolling does more damage, and it is longer lasting.

Not, of course, that I'm implying that the op is a troll .

I am just commenting on your posts as you seem to be getting a bit involved with the op here, and you might get upset the day you discover that some op has been trolling about something that you really care about. So it is wise to be aware.

Mary I give people the benefit of the doubt. If someone asks for help and advice I give it if I think i can be of use.

If I think they're a troll I might report them. (Although more often than not I'll simply ignore them. We're not short of troll hunters here!)

Taking the piss out of people because other posters can't believe their experience could possibly be true, is much more damaging to mumsnet as a support site than broadly giving people the benefit of the doubt!

FFS - even the language you use is ridiculous OP.

Like, if you don't get your magic button you'll be all self-sacrificing and soldier on without it. Never quite sure if you're strong enough because your life is SO terrible.

I don't mean to mock or make less of your problems but seriously you need to give it a rest. And yes I can stop posting on this thread but this is how you're going to be everytime you post unless you get over yourself!

Yes, I know there are trolls who are very damaging. I've heard of the destructiveness of that horse-related one for example (won't give her the satisfaction of mentioning her name, this is googlable after all!)

But this OP was reported many times, mumsnet can't see any evidence behind the scenes that she's not who she said she was. A poster who's well known to be a serving police officer came on the thread and said that she thought the OP was for real. But still people persist in the piss-taking.

That is also very damaging IMO.

"Anyone who would be "seriously harmed" by a lack of support on a massive, non-specialist website is serisouly harmed already anyway. "

Some people are "seriously harmed" already. Some people are very vulnerable. That's my point. Kicking already vulnerable people when they're down could do them a lot of damage. If you can't see that, you have an empathy bypass IMO.

And it's not a "lack of support" as in silence, is it? It's active piss-taking and bullying that we're talking about.