Concerned about attempted silencing/derailing of issues (via hunting/mocking)

[Halfway]

I posted a thread in AIBU yesterday (perhaps foolishly), which thankfully did turn out to be very helpful, but also turned out to be extremely hurtful. And while overall, I gained a great deal of benefit/clarity/insight from it, I also spent a great deal of the day in tears and/or raging, and feeling generally crap about myself.

The post was about a friend, which led a lot of people to think I musn't be that emotionally invested, because it wasn't about me.

However, I was emotionally invested because I felt like I was watching my friend potentially walk into a very, very dangerous situation (which could end up in her hurt or even dead), and worse, I had the realisation that I could not stop her, but could only try to, and may very well fail.

In the context of that worry, these are the specific things I am complaining about:

a) sustained piss-taking/mocking (which not only humiliate/hurt me, but distracted and derailed the thread, with others jumping on board)

b) failure/refusal to stop the piss-taking/mocking when asked nicely to, and despite my making it clear that I was finding it painful

LET ME MAKE IT VERY CLEAR - I have nothing against genuine concerns, disagreements, and even disbelief of my thread, or specifics in my posts if these things are stated outright (not passive-aggressively buried in in-jokes), and if the posters simply make their position clear and report to MNHQ.

There is a valid need for this kind of watchdog activity, and I am in no way trying to stop that.

But the mocking, especially the sustained mocking by some posters, and 'ha ha' twisting of my dilemma into a funny joke conversation... well that hurt. That really hurt. And I've been seriously hurt in the past (raped, beaten to broken bones), so am no hand-wringing wallflower. It was triggering.

I think that behaviour is wrong, and I think it is going to hurt a lot more people other than me. Perhaps it is already hurting people who have severe issues of their own, and feel they cannot post because they will be laughed at.

Anyway, I'm concerned about it, deeply concerned, and still a bit disturbed myself (although much emotionally cooler).

I'm also not sure how this fits into "Relationships", so apologies if it seems weird here, but I seem to be inviting more suspicion by posting in AIBU, so here it is, and I'm grateful to anyone willing to listen.

hopkin

I'm so very, very sorry for your experience. I don't think my tragic experiences give me any kind of license either.

I'm not trying to dictate, I just want to protect myself. I would not have hidden anything except the 'haha, isn't this funny' posts, because it was not funny to me, and hurtful to try and relate to people thinking of it that way.

Which is why I'm less about stopping other people posting, and more about protecting myself from seeing it (via hide poster button ideally).

I don't want to just hide the whole thread because there was useful advice that I was able to process at the time, and desperately needed.

Well I'm a newbie and I've never heard of penandink helpful

OP I've read all 12 pages and I'm still not sure what you want tbh

I'm going to bow out of this too.

Usually I do so with some sort of platitude but I can't be arsed with this.

Whether this is genuine or not it will go on for miles saying a whole load of nothing.

Newby is your word for me, and one I don't mind accepting if thats what you were determined to call me... and you seemed to be.

I said myself, I have been a poster for many months (under a few namechanges, and given the reason why), and have been a lurker for far longer.

sunflowers

I am quite happy to accept the label 'stupid' in some regards, just not all. Like most human beings, I am a bit of a weird mixture of smart/stupid.
I'm also happy to accept I may be far stupider than you... I have no idea how smart you are.

I did forget about my friend, because I became incapable of suppressing my emotion, and then yes I did get self-absorbed.

I don't know what you are trying to imply by 'seeing the light' once I lose an audience. I have no desperate need for an audience other than those who are here to legitimately try and help me.

If you don't want to. Please just report and take your time elsewhere.

That's a good question Anya. Does anyone know what the op wants at this stage?

Because I've tried to be helpful, I've tried bracing, I've tried supportive, I've tried handing out grips.

And I have no idea what this thread or the other one were meant to achieve [baffled]

Scarah if thats addressed at me (the advanced search thing), I don't think I've ever advanced searched you.

But yes, I do know how to use it, and I occasionally do... often when I'm trying to figure out whether a poster is well-meaning and sometimes doles out harsh advice, or just a nasty piece of work who insults everybody for kicks.

me too, walter. I've been following both threads. as long as the friend gets support to dump her messed up bf, and the OP gets support to address her issues, then that's a good result for this case, imo. this particular thread has run its course.

MaryZ

Actually, at this point I don't need anything, I've got the clarity and my plan of action.

I'm only hanging around to address your concerns because I can see you still have them.

If you don't any more, or if you have made up your mind that I have malicious intent (I don't), then I will never convince you, and you may as well go.

Thank you for the time you have invested, because it has helped, whether you believe it or not.

ummmm just rewinding a teeny bit to impress upon OP, and all posters ackershally:

The internet is NOT anonymous and private, it's just not; an easy trap to fall into, thinking one is chatting with mates on here for example, forgetting that info freely strewed round the boards can be harvested by someone quite simply.

here endeth the lesson

I said myself, I have been a poster for many months (under a few namechanges, and given the reason why), and have been a lurker for far longer.

So surely you must know how AIBU must work?

TBH, I do think you are just attention seeking now...

and at Grim.

See what I did there?

*Anya

I already said why I made the mistake regarding AIBU. I do know how it works. I acted out of emotion and impulse, and have no complaint about any of the feedback I got in that thread except the 'haha isn't this funny' stuff... because quite frankly, it wasn't.

Scarah

I know its not always about me. I don't know why you keep saying that. I already know I can get self-absorbed. I admit that.

I get self-absorbed sometimes because I lived many years with no one else giving a shit about me, and so I had to learn to. Sometimes I take it too far and forget about others. I know that, and I don't like it about myself.

IME the option of hiding a poster just makes the problematic thread incomprehensible. You might as well just hide the thread. Or find a site that caters to your specific requirements.

And Anya, I am happy for this thread to end.

I literally am just hanging around to try and alleviate legitimate concerns raised about my thread now, because otherwise its going to be a case of "Oh, OP has disappeared now, how convenient", which I have also seen many times.

Christ knows I've tried to stay off this thread. And now I'm wondering - why the frig should I? You keep going on and on and on about the hideous attacks on you yesterday waaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaah - STOP IT NOW. Those piss taking posts and banter between posters were just that. I certainly had no intention of relentlessly attacking you or whatever emotive bollocks you're calling it today. You posted the single most outrageous thing I've ever seen on a forum (barring a mistaken foray onto Brawl Hall some years ago! ) and I took the piss a bit. I didn't mean to 'attack' you - I don't know you and it can stay that way but Oh. My. God. - the mileage you're getting out of those few comments and the later ones by other posters is fucking awesome! And as for the onsiders rallying you on with cries of 'bullies' etc - they're no better than you to be honest. You're making something of all this - and I'm fucked if I know what. But as I said on your previous thread - calling what happened on the original thread bullying is to totally devalue the word and the experience suffered by so many. As you very well know you got an apology from me via PM in answer to your PM. I'm almost tempted to retract it having seen what you've done here.
Pack it in now - you've had your fun. Enough already.

Oh and lastly - kudos to Scarah, Ivor, Mary and others for the wise words they have spoken to you.

hop

I have already addressed both those points in this thread, and laid out thoroughly why certainly in my case, it wouldn't have worked/helped.

Finding a site that caters to specific requirements? My requirement was feedback from people who think in as healthy/majority way as possible, because those are the people I want to understand and think like.

I literally am just hanging around to try and alleviate legitimate concerns raised about my thread now, because otherwise its going to be a case of "Oh, OP has disappeared now, how convenient", which I have also seen many times.

So what? Why do you care? Walk away and name change. It'll be forgotten in a fortnight.

Its all too slick.

Finding a site that caters to specific requirements? My requirement was feedback from people who think in as healthy/majority way as possible, because those are the people I want to understand and think like

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT. To most NORMAL people, your subject matter was so absurd that it evoked a humorous response - and you are pissed off about it.
What is it that you actually want?

But you do not know how 'healthy' poster are on here, I know I wasn't asked about my mental state when I signed up.

Attention it would seem hop. Lots and lots of attention.