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Relationships

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Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:24

Because I genuinely don't know how 'normal' it may or may not be, although I can now see it is not at all.

I have these sorts of doubts because I have a long history of very strange relationships myself, and have come to accept all sorts of things as weird but acceptable within certain limits.

Including behaviours that may seem disgusting or dangerous. Its all a case of consent and appropriate boundaries (at least in my mind and experience).

I also have my own psychological issues (many of which I have overcome), and so it just gets to a point that I do not trust my own judgement, and then I seek the wisdom and opinions of others.

OP posts:
TheOneWithTheHair · 29/10/2012 11:25

I wouldn't be a buffer. She needs a shock. Let her see how shocking this is.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 11:25

There's just nothing more anyone can really say though, without engaging with the 'friend' directly.

We've told you it's not a good idea, you've told her - what else can we do?

Tanith · 29/10/2012 11:28

It is a sexual fetish, but not one I would be at all comfortable with.

They don't all go on to murder and consume their girlfriends, either.

Jean-Jacques Burnel of the Stranglers once said he was fascinated by cannibalism and was certain that one day he would practice it. To my knowledge, that day is yet to come Smile
He did write a song about it, though.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:28

Not much any more Eds, with the progress this thread has made.

My actual real life problem here is that she has raised some (in my opinion) good counterarguments against the points that have made headway with her.

If the hunters give me a chance to get my head together and engage with the actual problem again, I can elaborate. I'm trying not to get too upset myself, which would be the worst thing I could do right now.

OP posts:
EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 11:29

Halfway why don't you consider starting a thread in relationships about yuor own issues, and we can try and help you with those - it might be a better way to thrash out some of the things you're having trouble with.

Bear in mind that a relationship which includes certain less common elements might be Ok, but you shouldn't enter into it on the basis of 'why not' or 'this might be acceptable, I have no real objection' but rather on a premise that you are really into the person, and what they want to do with you - not just going along with it because they are super keen, when you really are a bit unsure or just not that bothered either way.

If a relationship is a great one, you will know - don't just put up with random men eanting to do random things for the sake of experience, or not looking like you're easily shocked.

You don't have to do this sort of stuff at all...most people don't bother.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:33

Thank you Eds, but I am actually honestly in a really good place myself these days. My terrible relationship patterns/issues are thankfully in the past, and I have a DH now who really tries to make me as happy as possible (and usually succeeds).

My history is messed up (and so are many of my friends I gained along the way), but I'm actually in a place of really good health/happiness myself now, and have learned to seek help when things are too much for me. Thank you for your help and concern.

OP posts:
NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 11:37

Let me get this straight. Both YOU and HER, think that him wanting to eat human flesh could possibly have to do with his Chinese heritage?

Are you fucking insane??

He is indulging in cannibal fantasies.

I am seriously worried that your friend is not freaked out by this. She should be.

How can she snog a person who dream of cooking and putting into his mouth a human steak from choice body part?

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 11:38

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Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:40

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LadyEvilBeagle · 29/10/2012 11:41

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Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:43

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BadgersBottom · 29/10/2012 11:44

All this bad language is proper hard to swallow

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 11:44

Has it ever occurred to your friends boyfriend that he can actually eat himself? That way he wont have to hurt anybody else!

Bogeyface · 29/10/2012 11:44

I agree with the PP that indulging a little bit of a fantasy doesnt stop the craving, its makes it worse.

I am certain that people who are into BDSM etc didnt go straight from vanilla sex to whips and chains. They will have introduced it a bit at a time (I'm assuming here, never having been into that!). If she helps him start on this road it will end in a very very bad place for her.

He needs help and she needs to get the fuck out and report this to the police if only so there is a record if he does do something seriously wrong in future.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 11:44

I'm gravy disappointed now OP

But seriously, you're the one who raised the issue of you not being truthful, you're also the one who mentioned trolling.

Not me.

I'd only made 2 posts when you came out with all that...and those posts weren't addressed to you.

But as you're asking is cannibalism too creepy to tolerate...my answer would be yes.

Feel better now?

mummytime · 29/10/2012 11:45

Okay my bottom line: if I find something weird then don't tolerate it, even if it is quite normal for some people. If it freaks me out I don't have to try it, hear about it or even think about it.

This is so far out there that even the most tolerant people on MN would say stay clear. However what ever it is, if you don't like it or the sound of it, then you don't have to put up with it.

Run away OPs friend. But OP you need to start learning boundaries.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 11:45

Don't lose the plot, OP. Ignore them.

LadyEvilBeagle · 29/10/2012 11:46

Now, now Op, toe the line.
Personal insults are against guidelines.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 11:46

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Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:48

I'm gone. More angry and upset/sobbing than I've been in a long time. That teaches me to pour my heart out to a bunch of strangers, hey.

Well I've learned that lesson well.

Not content to simply not help me, you have to derail my attempts to get help from those who would.

Yes, I use bad language when the situation warrants, and when the strength of my emotion calls for it. Fuck all of you who are laughing at me.

OP posts:
HRH008 · 29/10/2012 11:49

Lady and Worra, give it a rest.
Youre not funny, youre bullying and teasing the OP.
Posts reported.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 11:49

Ah very eloquent and dramatic in your sorrowful parting words...

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:49

I mention truthful and trolling because I am not stupid enough to not realise when people are thinking thats what I am (your early troll-hunting posts are obvious as hell).

I made the attempt to (obviously unsuccessfully) defuse that line of thinking before it took over my thread.

OP posts:
HRH008 · 29/10/2012 11:50

Damn, too late.