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Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
Bigwheel · 29/10/2012 10:48

If it was my friend the only advise I would give her would be to end the relationship fast and never make contact again. People are into werid things, but that's going to far!

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 10:49

Well I've opened a nice Chianti, Badgers Grin Wine

BadgersBottom · 29/10/2012 10:51

That's good worra because I've been eyeing up your rump for some time now and not in a 'sexy-time' way if you take my meaning!

Cheers! Wine

MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro · 29/10/2012 10:51

Your poor friend. I suspect she's upset because she's being forced to confront things in herself - a tendency to self-destruct, a vulnerability to manipulative bastards - that maybe she'd rather not, and that can be at best embarrassing, and at worst really troubling when you realise how much danger it can put you in.

I wonder if she told you because some subconscious part of her has a very strong and sound survival instinct indeed and wanted to be talked out of it.

It's possible other incidents with/traits of this guy are now occurring to her as other red flags, and she may be going to tell you more.

WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 10:52

Badgers when I said, "Look at my rump and eat your heart out" I didn't mean.....

Oh never mind! Wine

LadyEvilBeagle · 29/10/2012 11:01

It's also the logistics of it.
Would she just sit there while he cut bits of her and popped them in his mouth?
I mean, wouldn't it sting a bit?

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 11:03

Sorry OP - I've reported my own post.

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams · 29/10/2012 11:04

Worra and Badgers, it's not helping...

I don't know whether it's genuine but I'm taking it seriously in case it is. If you think it's a wind-up then report to HQ.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:05

BadgersBottom and WorraLiberty, I appreciate troll-hunting may be fun for you, but I can assure you it is no fun for me (and actually quite hurtful), and I am finding this situation anything but fun.

Please either try to help me or (in the nicest possible way), go get your jollies and self-congratulating hunting abilities elsewhere. It hurts.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 29/10/2012 11:05

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BadgersBottom · 29/10/2012 11:08

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BloodRedAlienReflux · 29/10/2012 11:10

Blimey, well assuming this is real, she needs to get the fuck away from this bloke. He's told her he only wants little bits, nothing that would hurt her, and she's thinking about it! so he's obviously played that just right, I mean, he's not going to come out and say" I want to fry and eat your liver and heart" is he? He is starting off trying to make the whole thing sound acceptable (like you can!?) How the hell does she know he would respect her wishes? He may lose all control in the situation. This is beyond weird and a bit kinky. This is bloody worrying,and if she was my mate, I'd tell her straight.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 11:13

The thing is we can't really help. All the replies saying 'leave him' won't make any difference.

QuickLookBusy · 29/10/2012 11:15

She needs help if she thinks this is anyway ok.

Seriously, if a friend of mine thought this was ok I'd so worried about them.

I'm not sure what I'd do to be honest!

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:16

Badgers, its my friend with the problem, and its me with the problem of trying to help her (not least because I do get plagued with my own self doubts).

I may be many things, but I am no troll. My posts here have only ever been heartfelt and sincere and with the intention of either helping others or seeking help for myself.

If you can't see that, and are determined to see deceit, then I suggest taking a look at yourself in the mirror and asking why that might be.

I'll repeat myself, please help me or hide the thread and go elsewhere, because your comments are only hurting. Theres only so many times I can tell you that before it becomes obvious you simply don't care, and are getting your own kicks out of causing misery.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 29/10/2012 11:16

Seriously, do people really need to be told by a load of Internet strangers that wanting to eat bits of people is not normal behaviour.

QuickLookBusy · 29/10/2012 11:17

Shit Grin

I missed 6 pages before posting.

Is it worth bothering to read I wonder.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:17

And Eds, I know you can't directly help her, but you are helping me.

Many of the suggestions here are ones I have taken on board (and actioned), and you have also given me the confidence to pursue trying to dissuade her, and some very good arguments against the ones she has raised.

So you have been (and are) helping. And to those who are doing so, I thank from the bottom of my heart.

OP posts:
LadyEvilBeagle · 29/10/2012 11:17

You said your friend is sat beside you OP.
Why don't you get her to post?
And ask her what bits of her she'd be happy for him to eat, and how it would be accomplished.
And would they share?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 29/10/2012 11:19

Have your friend email Dan Savage for advice, using her own words (not yours). he should be able to pick out red flags and suggest non-harmful ways of indulging such a thing... something like making a third nipple out of marzipan for him to eat.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 11:21

She is only sometimes sat beside me, other times she is popping out to smoke (almost chain smoking today), and other times she is pacing the room in distress while I try to calm her down.

She doesn't post directly, because quite frankly she is a one-key-at-a-time typer, whereas I can touch type very fast.

I also think she would find a lot of this too hurtful to read directly, and so is benefitting from my 'buffering' it for her so to speak.

I feel I am too busy defending myself at the moment to actually engage with those who are trying to help, which is both upsetting me more and making me seriously angry. I have reported the hunters to MN, and am just waiting for them to step in and help me.

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 29/10/2012 11:21

what have your own self doubts got to do with cannablism?

garlicbaguette · 29/10/2012 11:24

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Moominsarescary · 29/10/2012 11:24

So which pieces of her would she be happy for him to slice off and cook?