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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is this too creepy to tolerate? [WARNING: extreme subject matter]

447 replies

Halfway · 29/10/2012 08:39

I'm posting on behalf of my best friend (for real, she is sat beside me but is not familiar with Mumsnet).

She has recently begun dating a new guy (for a couple months), whom she has known for over ten years as a friend, albeit mostly long distance as he works and lives long periods abroad. He is also Chinese (only relevant because I am genuinely unsure as to whether there are any cultural differences that might make his confession less bizarre than it sounds to me).

He has confessed to her that his ultimate fantasy about intimacy involves eating someone (albeit only ever with their consent).

He says he has never actually eaten part of anyone, but fantasizes about finding someone who would consent to giving him small pieces of flesh (that would not overly harm the person), that he could cook and perhaps even share with them.

Now, she tells me all this in a very relaxed (almost flippant) way, and I can't help but sit here and inwardly think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

She tells me that in her opinion it is no worse than people who fantasize about whipping/strangling each other, and that although it is freaky, the important thing is that he has no wish to do anything without someone else's wholehearted participation.

So now I am uncertain as to whether I really am being a bit intolerant (and judgemental), or if there is something about this particular fantasy that is just too dangerous (and creepy) to tolerate.

Mumsnet jury opinions needed! Many thanks.

OP posts:
EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 12:07

Worra, I understand your doubts but you've gone too far. It isn't a free for all to be abhorrent.

BadgersBottom · 29/10/2012 12:08

Did you honestly think that nobody was going to question any of this? Did you? Then I'm afraid you're not living in the real world. And if everyone had to fall to pieces every single time they were questioned/not agreed with/disbelieved/whatever on a thread then we'd pretty much all be gibbering wrecks. Really - if this is the worst thing that ever happens to you then count yourself lucky. It wasn't even YOUR problem in the first place was it? Why are you investing so much over-emotion in it? I agree with worra - Relationships is where you need to be.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 12:11

Some people are vulnerable to online 'ribbing'. I've left MN for months after similar in the past.

Just because it's oversensitive of us/OP, doesn't mean you should stick the boot in as hard as you can once you're aware of this.

Not everyone is as tough as you, it's kinder to allow for that, you don't have to prove you're above it. Just accept she is feeling attacked and leave her alone.

AKissIsNotAContract · 29/10/2012 12:12

OP I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt, post this on
Www.informedconsent.co.uk and see what people into fetish make of it.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 12:12

No, I did think people might question it. I know it can seem far out (as can a lot of my own history).

I expected the odd troll-hunt post,which is why I was quick to jump on them when I saw them and ask the people involved nicely to stop before it took over.

I'm not "falling to pieces" because of any questioning, and am more than happy to answer people's genuine doubts/questions if they actually engage with me and do not simply sit back and poke fun at me.

Its by far not the worst thing that has ever happened to me (I can count beatings and rape amongst those), but it touches all the raw nerves that make me feel helpless and my pleas to stop ignored/devalued.

Thats why it hurts, because you simply don't care about hurting me, or at least willing to take the risk to do so, so that your ego isn't bruised by falling for a troll. Well good for you, you haven't. You're just making a real person feel like shit.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/10/2012 12:13

Oh ffs this is the last thing I'll say about this thread.

A few of us entered into mild piss taking as one does when someone on an internet forum asks if it's ok to eat people.

Then the amateur dramatics started and misuse of the word bullying by some posters.

Then the OP rushes a Tsunami of drip feeding in between these posts and suddenly it's all about her being hurt (in italics) and not about her friend at all.

Good luck in Relationships.

LadyEvilBeagle · 29/10/2012 12:14

Actually, in Op's initial post, she did ask if she may be being a bit intolerant, as if this is harmless fetish.
So she is wondering if chopping bits of your partner is somewhere in the realms of normality in that context.
And Op, you didn't answer my question. How will the bits of flesh be extracted?

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 12:14

Well that real person has stood up to it and told them how it made you feel, and that will make a difference.

Well done OP.

NotQuintAtAllOhNo · 29/10/2012 12:16

It is not your friend with this relationship, is it. It is you?

You are the one asked to give up a piece of yourself for butchering. You feel that your soul is so butchered, why not also your body then?

Sad

Post in relationship about your issues, and seek some help. Do you think asking your gp for counselling might help?

Halfway · 29/10/2012 12:16

"Amateur dramatics?" Please do just go.

OP posts:
CrackerJackShack · 29/10/2012 12:17

OP, the link Akissisnotacontract posted looks like it might be a better site to get information on this. I suggest you post there and see what they think. I'm willing to bet they won't think its ok either though.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 12:18

And no, its not me.

It really is my friend, who is a very, very damaged soul. And I am one of the few people she turns to.

My DH is as vanilla as they come (which has been a breath of fresh air for me), and wouldn't hurt me or allow me to hurt myself even if I asked him to.

OP posts:
RebeccaMumsnet · 29/10/2012 12:19

What's happening here!
We are going to suspend this thread while we take a look.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 12:19

To those of you who are trying to help me, thank you for sticking with me despite the derailing going on (and I'm sorry for my own participation in that).

Give me a few moments (collecting myself, getting mind back on track). I'll go back and respond to the questions being asked by those who are genuine.

OP posts:
Strawhatpirate · 29/10/2012 14:29

Is it really that unbelievable though? There are loads of websites about guro and vorephilia so there must be people visiting them. Those people must go afk at some point so its only logical really that someone would have an encounter with them at some point.

ShirleyRots · 29/10/2012 14:33

Well, THAT was interesting! The whole suspension of the thread thing. OOOOOO!

RebeccaMumsnet · 29/10/2012 14:35

Hi all,

Many thanks for all of the reports about this thread.

We have been through and removed the troll hunting posts and personal attacks now.

Can we please remind you all of our Talk guidelines and Troll policy. Please do take the time to have a read of them.

We have no reason to believe that the OP is trolling on this occasion, having said that we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Halfway · 29/10/2012 14:37

Thank you MNHQ, and for those who are big enough to admit inwardly that they made a mistake, it is already forgiven and forgotten. But it did hurt while it was happening, and I honestly hope some self-reflecting will stop the same "ribbing" from happening to another poster when they ask for it to stop.

OP posts:
ShirleyRots · 29/10/2012 14:38

Rebecca. When did you start suspending threads?

I really, REALLY love that.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 29/10/2012 14:41

Thread suspension is the way to go, HQ people Smile

ScrambledSmegsEvilTwin · 29/10/2012 14:42

Well, that was the first time I've ever seen a suspended thread! Brilliant!

EdsRedeemingQualities · 29/10/2012 14:45

I hope you are alright OP x

ScrambledSmegsEvilTwin · 29/10/2012 14:49

OP, do you want to talk about this anymore? Or maybe you rather step back and gather your thoughts, discuss with your friend etc.

Might also be a good idea to ask MNHQ to have this thread moved to Relationships, as AIBU can get a bit robust?

BloodRedAlienReflux · 29/10/2012 14:50

ooooooo thread suspension?!

Halfway · 29/10/2012 14:52

Thanks Eds, yes I am thanks. Smile

I feel a bit embarassed about reacting so emotionally. I am over-sensitive in certain areas yes. What upset me wasn't the teasing, it was the failure to stop when I asked them nicely to.

Having said that, I'm keen to draw a line under it and move on. I'm sure they didn't actually mean to cause any harm, and have inflicted pain through carelessness rather than maliciousness. It is forgiven, and I hope it sparks some self-reflection.

I have taken the time to cool down and cuddle my baby. I have also pm'ed a few people about some things I cannot post here, and am feeling better for the warmth of their support.

There are a few things I would like to ask more about, but for the time being I am just "taking a chill pill" so to speak, and focusing on getting grounded again.

I'm very glad that my friend has opened up enough to talk to me about this (she closes down at the drop of a hat), and feel that at least I can now protect her in the larger ways. She has already agreed that she will not be going on holiday with him, so thank god for that.

OP posts:
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