I've done a bad thing

[winnietheplop]

I've namechanged. If you do recognise my posting style please do not out me as their are people that I know on here in RL.

My relationship with DH hasn't been happy for years. We no longer have anything in common and I haven't loved him in a long time.

Against all advice on here and from friends, I have stayed in the relationship because of the children and tbh, because it's easier.

I recently went on a rare night out and ended up kissing a friend.
I feel awful that I behaved in that way.
DH doesn't know and I don't know whether to tell him.

At the moment he's being fantastic by supporting me through my studies. But he deserves to be more than childcare. My children deserve more and I deserve more.

I'm being selfish.

I feel relieved but frustrated. it seems to be going round in circles which I suppose is normal as I've had a lot longer to get used to it than him.
he came in from work last night and said he loved me and kissed me so I had to be quite blunt and just say that i no longer love him.

lots more tears.

he seems to be most worried about money.

I don't really want to tell the dc until he's got somewhere to go.

I feel like a bitch. but I also know I'm doing the right thing.

got heaps of coursework this week and no idea how I'm going to get my head around it.

How are you getting on?

Winnie, there are some difficukt days ahead but they will pass and you all be fine. Is part of the process and he is naturally worried about money as he doesn't know how will things pan out, especially if he is expecting to be the one who needs to move out.

There may be some more crying on either side, there will be the mourning of tge routines and of all those plans you both once had but you both need to let go in the next months.

As for the children... Keep the situation to yourselves untill you have a clear idea of how their life will be after the split ( in terms of where will they live, when and where will they see the other parent, etc). Children need estability, and to know what will happen, if they are given a clear ide of what to expect, they will find it easier to adapt to the new circumstances.

Winnie - I know how hard that was for you, well done. (I missed your update over the weekend). How have the past few days been?

telling the dc was awful they were screaming and completely heart broken.
i felt awful, my instinct was to change my mind but i didn't (rightly or wrongly, i still don't know).
that was a couple of days ago, they're being very clingy to their dad (no one wants to know me at the moment but that's ok). they've got a bit used to the idea now, it's in walking distance so they can go whenever they want.
dh asks me every day if i really mean it and do i really want to do this. he got angry yesterday, not violent just frustrated i think.
i'm seeing the finance lady today.
the landlady said that it was ok to have keep the contract with just my name if i could find a way to pay the rent.

i feel so bloody lonely .

i've got loads of uni work but can't concentrate.

Oh lovey, it's crap isn't it :(

You have done the right thing - this next bit is going to be tough to get through, but you will get through it and life will be much better. You will be able to build a new life, new friends, new experiences etc and you wont be lonely anymore - truely.

I know it's one of those phrases that people either love or hate, but I personally find it useful - 'this too shall pass'.

Sounds awful.
Proud that you have been able to do what I only daydream of.
Your life is going to be better - hang in there.

thankyou both.
lost it today and 'ran away' to sob in private for a few hours. dh came in with 6 huge bunches of flowers and a bag, he said 'ilove you and i'm not giving up'. i told him to fuck off and walked out. he's in complete denial about it all.

i phoned his future landlady just to check that he is going and she said it'll be 2 weeks.

the meeting yesterday went well although because im a student im not entitled to much help. the youngest is 6 as well which doesn't help.

think im going to have to keep going till the money runs out.

winnietheplop - I'm a single parent student at uni, I get housing benefit and have enough to live on. I get a Special Support Grant and Parents Allowance - (although I don't get any child maintenance at all)

Things are very difficult right now, as for the flowers....does he think all the flowers in the world will change the way you feel?

You've come this far, just see this bit through as awful as it feels, the kids will be alright and you'll all be happier at some point in the future. Let that be your focus.

thanks, i can't remember why i 'm not entitled to housing benefit (well i am but £6 a week). how did you find out about special support grant?

thankyou aswell to all the people that have pm'd me

There was a section on the main loans form asking do you want to apply for special support grant, and parents allowance. I ticked yes and they sent extra forms for these, I think. You're probably not entitled to housing benefit at the moment because of his earnings?

Anyway, appreciate it's too much to take in at the mo, but don't let the financial stuff put you off making descisions, you will have enough to live on as a single parent student, that I'm sure of.

But how are you and how are things going with your dh?

things are strained but luckily atm were hardly in the house at the same time.