I've done a bad thing

[winnietheplop]

I've namechanged. If you do recognise my posting style please do not out me as their are people that I know on here in RL.

My relationship with DH hasn't been happy for years. We no longer have anything in common and I haven't loved him in a long time.

Against all advice on here and from friends, I have stayed in the relationship because of the children and tbh, because it's easier.

I recently went on a rare night out and ended up kissing a friend.
I feel awful that I behaved in that way.
DH doesn't know and I don't know whether to tell him.

At the moment he's being fantastic by supporting me through my studies. But he deserves to be more than childcare. My children deserve more and I deserve more.

I'm being selfish.

Don't tell him about the kiss, it will only make him feel worse and it doesn't serve any purpose. It is a symptom not a cause.

I don't think you need to get away, I think you just need to get on with getting the practicalities sorted out.

Stay strong
x

It was definitely the best decision. Am so much more relaxed and no longer on edge.

quick update- went to CAB today. very helpful.
will try to get back online later.
thanks again lovely people.

I think you would have to leave without the children if he really does so much of the childcare.

Sorry have now read thread, Good Luck OP.

that's ok posie. did you change your mind after reading, out of interest?

No. I think you have to make yourself happy and finely balance the children not thinking that you are abandoning them, I don't envy you. You may look back and think this is the best decision you've ever made.

After talking to the CAB lady today, that is how i feel.
i cried but felt relief. scared about the dc but no regret about wanting to leave him.
After years and years of rubbish and unhappiness, it feels like the worlds longest break up is about to come to an end.

dh is here atm so can't stay on mn but he's going out later so i can say more about what cab said etc.

Wow, very very brave. xx

please do update us, winnie

I think it will be very helpful for other women who find themselves in a similar situation

Winnie, best of luck. Rest re assured that dealing with the consequences of your decision, won't be as difficult as taking the decission itself.
Now that is decided, and that you know there is no getting back, and that you know the kiss the other day is not significant between you and the other man, don't tell him about it, it is better to part in relative good terms than leaving him thinking you have left him for another man (you know that thereisno other man but he will find it difficult to believe if you mention about the kiss)

right so..........cab were very helpful.
I asked about what will happen to dc- as in i want them to stay with me.
finances- how will i cope financially. private renting- can i stay? (not bothered where I live as long as with dc but feel it would be better for dc to be in their house and schools etc).
she pointed me in the direction of lots of info, mostly on website but also leaflets and things about legal support which I'm unsure on.
she said something that would make many on mn say (in a nice way of course!) 'I told you so'. that it sounds like there is financial and emotional abuse. I agree and have been told it often enough on here over the years but when you're living it, it is normal, not abuse.
Can't think what I've left out.

I've got lots of reading to do and now just need to sort out what I'm going to say and when.

Thankyou so much all of you!

oh and all the stuff on there website- i've looked lots before over the years but it wasn't until i had someone actually going through it with me that it made sense to my circumstances.

anyfucker- you're another who's tried to help me in allsorts of ways over the years. I've always half listened but done nothing. it did go in!

I know. I am feeling rather proud of you. Keep going.

Well done :)

Can you feel the weight lifting off of your shoulders??

Don't you think he deserves to be happy with someone who loves him? It's selfish to stay in a relationship with someone you don't love because it suits you.

Sorry thread has moved on.

OP. Wow, you have taken the first step to happiness, completely delighted for you.

And I'm sure AF must know who you are and her complete support makes me think you're a goodun!

Keep up the good work!

If there is abuse you may want to make concrete plans before you tell your H, I've a feeling he'll get nasty very quick.

Yes, make concrete plans and don't tell him until you are ready, meaning financially ready, to move on. There is no much point in telling him now if you have to stay living with each other for months to come, it will make the situation worse at home and even ruin your determination to leave.

I've been following this Winnie and just wanted to pop in again and offer you some more support and encouragement. Well done you.

there's no violence. more financial/ emotional abuse.

i managed to tell my mum that im leaving him today, not about the kiss. she said it's been a long time coming and will support me as and when i need her 100 %.

Well I did it. DH asked me what was wrong (I was sat upstairs reading) so I told him, not about the kiss.
Their were tears but it was also almost as though he had expected it although he said he was happy with how things are between us which I seriously doubt.
He's gone to work but will be back later so I'm expecting that it'll be harder once he's had time to think about it.

Winnie! Wow. How do you feel?

Let us know what happens next. Well done.