I have a crush, I think it's mutual. We're both married.

[idontwantthiscrush]

Namechanged as known on here in RL.

Looking for genuine practical advice here.

Started a new job 3 months ago and was instantly attracted to a colleague. I expected at the time that he felt the same. Over the past 3 months we have had to work closely together and the sexual tension is crazy. I cannot remember such intense physical attraction with such physical effects, in fact I think I have only had it with 2 or 3 guys In my life (dh is not one of them).

The last month with the work colleague has been the worst. Nothing has been said but I am pretty sure we both feel the same. It's ridiculous crazy chemistry and I just want to do things to him that I know I shouldn't want to.

We are both married and both have 2 young DCs.

So far I have handled this by being totally professional all the time, only going on work events which I really have to (I.e. not seeing him outside work) and when I have had to go I've driven so I wouldn't let any inhibititions go and end up flirting or suchlike. I am trying to invest my sexual and flirtatious energy into my marriage (which has become a bit stale) and also remember that this guy from work has a family, a wife, and probably farts and leaves his cups on top of the dishwasher just like mine does.

The problem is I cannot stop thinking about him. I DO NOT want to act on it. Well, I do in my sexual fantasies but its not a road I want to go down in RL AT ALL.

I've been telling myself for weeks just to get him out of my head and focus on the DCs and DH and how lucky I am with them. I feel like such a teenage fool being a married woman who fancies a colleague.

I know I sound like a muppet but I wondered if anyone has ever experienced this, and what you did to get rid of the crush/tension.

The obvious answer is to leave my job but I was looking for 8months for this job and opportunities in my industry are rare where I live. We can't pay the mortgage without my salary. I also can't work any less with this guy.

Even reading this back I am embarrassed by myself.

I had a similar experience with a lady at work. She flirted all the time and I fancied her a lot. Anyway I wanted to be friends but to be honest I wanted more. I asked her out as a friend and she declined. I am glad and it went away. I basically had to avoid her for weeks before the attraction went away. She basically ignores me now and that suits me fine. I dont think she ever liked me and I heard from another mutual friend that she flirts all the time with men and women. I had to dig hard with my friend to get the information as she didnt want to admit that this person was a serial flirt. The reason I fancied the lady was probably because my own relationship needed attention. I would say Move on if you can and avoid the person as much as possible.

zombie thread crashed by strange person

oops, sorry rebean, I was looking at the Joakim person when I said "strange"

you don't look that strange, but you have resurrected a dead thread

Hi, it seems like you have a fairly good relationship with your DH, though as some have pointed out, we often wonder if we married 'the ONE'. Anyway, you can't turn back time, and with the DCs and the mortgage, is it worth risking it all? However, I do believe everyone has the right to be happy...

Like you say, the chemistry is sizzling those loins, and who can blame you; we are humans with verrry primal instincts. It really seems like this urge to get dirrty with him is the prime goal that will finally make you happy. Unmet needs lead to unhappiness.

If you think he feels the same way, you may both need to talk and decide what you want to do. Either get a room to get it out of your system and enjoy some really hot sex (yes, sex should be fun, society puts too many chains of guilt on it), or just leave it as a fantasy and keep itching that scratch (crotch?!) that you know WON'T go away. Either way, you both need to keep your home lives separate, your dirty little little secret, if you like...The chemistry should remain, too.

I'm in the same situation, same mundane job we have to do, same kids, and (I'm guessing on their part) a partner who is 'too real'. The lust has long gone, and worse still, the chem wasn't great to begin with. The crush at work? The chats became flirts, a spark passed between us creating a chemistry making us feel 'alive' again. You very rarely get that and I suppose that's why it's hard to let go. Your heart is searching for something.

Since then it's become a 'play'. We chat without making our feelings known, never mention our partners, make eyes at each other, drift past each other hoping to be noticed... body language 101. I don't know where it will lead, but the itch doesn't go away. Yes, there are fantasies of rabid sex in hotel bathrooms and wet dreams, but I'm hoping that if it does 'get real', we'll both be able to keep the 'home front' separate. Nobody needs to know our business, not least society.

Just as a footnote to my last post, with regards to my crush, I've got no interest in queuing in the supermarket, taking the bins out, dropping their kids to school or any of that crap which we have to do in our home lives already. Instead, it's like a personal treat of enjoying each other, getting attention and affection that we both crave, 'a little me time' while being back in time for tea.

I have been there :( it all started from a dream, I had no sexual feelings before then but suddenly saw him in a different light and couldn't get him out of my head, didn't help that my dh was being a twat at the time.
There was lots of flirting on both sides he was single I'm married and have 2 children.
Nothing ever happened but I would come home and cry and pick arguments with my dh
I know what you mean about sexual tension and spark and also I've never had that with my dh.
In the end I gave up my job I only worked part time but I had been there for 12 years. After I left I would still go and see him then kick myself after but I have now found out that he has left so more than likely I will never see him again.
I can only say if you want your marriage to work then you can't act on your feelings and also you have to think of his family. Its not easy even now after 2 years I still think about him and hate myself for it.

Bugger I see this is an old post but made me think about things again.

I started where you did - a friendship, then mutual interests, then the chemistry on all levels, emotions all over the place, feeling out of control. We're both married with kids (him for 20 years and me for 30). Unbelievable passion, which we both know can go nowhere.

Can I ask what happened in your case? Did it end and, if so, how? Your posts truly hit so close to home for me, and your comments are honest and to-the-point (very helpful, thanks).

Zombie thread

Mouse, best to start your own thread. X

Bugger !! Just read almodt bloody whole of this thread without looking at any of the dates..

Anyway .. I do think a mild flirtation and being attracted to another person is noting to worry about... certainly not worth changing jobs for. Go easy on yourself.

I've just read it too. I wonder how the OP is doing and how the other posters are who were brave enough to post their experiences. I often ponder this about zombie threads.

I might be a bit late for this thread, but wondered - betternamechange - has your situation resolved itself? I've had a very similar experience - married, in love with colleague at work. But it's a good job. Been in this situation for a few years hoping that my feelings would die. But they haven't and now I've decided to leave. It will take a while but now feel more able to cope with the situation. Two things I've realised; a) my marriage and kids are more important b) and, interestingly, the job I thought I loved is taking up too much time and stress, and I am ready to move on. I had to be ready though, so it feels that what I'm moving onto is better than what I am leaving behind. I'm fearful of regret but yearning for peace of mind..any thoughts on this appreciated.

I am married.. OMG!! I had 2 do D math 17 yrs.. Wen my H & I got married our sex life was amazing.. B4 M & after.. Suddenly, he was working odd hours & I decided 2 call him @ work.. He wasn't there.. Fast forward 4 years later.. I found evidence of another female around his birthday.. @ D time, I had an inclination of whom it may B.. She was old wit money.. I didn't care.. I didn't care until.. I got herpes from my husband.. Then I blew up.. Th@ was 2005.. I told him he wud never touch me again.. Around 2007, I felt so sexually frustrated.. I had no choice but 2 break my own rule.. I wasn't satisfied.. Sex was not D same.. So... I decided we needed 2 rebuild.. MyH is 16 my senior.. I did everything imaginable, no anal.. Nothing.. @ 1 point, he cudnt breath anymore.. Fast 4ward Spring 2015.. THIS INDIVIDUAL & I HAVE been working 2gether 4 @ least 9 years @ this point.. I never noticed him.. Ever.. Then 1 day, I realize he's smelling me. Watching me. Walking by my office, waiving.. So.. I freaked out.. I decided 2 leave it on a back burner.. Were officers.. N a courthouse. I transported females to his crtrm, he'd stand Bhind me. I never gave it a 2nd thought. Then, th@s wen I realized, he was smelling my perfume.. I was aggravated @ 1st.. I was upset, actually, Bcuz he knew I am married.. I was offended.. As time went by.. I noticed anytime a fight broke out, or I was n a bind @ work, he was D 1st 1 there.. So, I left it alone.. Im still trying 2 work on my marriage, but I'm so dissatisfied.. I love my husband, I adore him.. However, he is OCD, SLEEPING WIT D ENEMY, type.. He never hurt me physically, ever.. EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY HOWEVER WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY.. I Bcame so sick. I got high blood pressure, diabetes from emotional eating.. I eventually over came all of it.. I was BGINGING 2 feel better.. BUT, he was still there.. Ever so sweet, not a mean bone N his body.. Just his gaze.. So... I finally worked up D courage 2 talk 2 him.. He was concerned, worried & wanted 2 kno wh@ was going on. Wen I told him it was difficult 4 me 2 face him & talk about it, he freaked out.. We wud text, but eventually he told me he was already divorced & getting married again.. So.. I just ignored him after th@ & never talked 2 him again. Now.. Wen I'm walking down D hallway 2ward him, there R times th@ I don't even kno he's there & he's just watching me.. Everytime I turn a corner, he's around it. Sometimes he shows off on our radios(walkie-talkies).. Y???? This week.. I work Xraying bags, baggage & no 1 helps.. HE NEVER WORKS N TH@ AREA. EVER. I DONT KNOW IF HE VOLUNTEERED OR WAS ORDERED 2 GO.. He came by me 2 help me... I looked @ him & told him. I do this everyday.. U don't have 2 help.. no 1 else helps.. If I don't catch something, don't worry.. Ppl searching R gunna have 2 ask them 2 step back out. Double work 4 them, I don't care.. HE smiled, SORTA GIGGLED & HE just kept helping me.. Wh@ does this man want???? IM MARRIED, IM DEPRIVED!!!! IM DESPERATE!! IT TAKES EVERY CELL N MY BODY NOT 2 BLOW UP!! Im scared, I feel alone.. I had 2 have a hysterectomy @ 42 due 2 health.. My kids R older. I have 3 grandchildren.. This MAN has 4 kids from his 1st marriage. He married a single woman, last year, no kids th@s 34.. He has 2 B well over 45.. Near 50.. I thought it strange, but hey mayB he wants more kids??? NO CLUE.. SHUD I CONTINUE 2 IGNORE THIS PERSON?? OR SHUD I JUST TURN AROUND 1 DAY & JUST LET IT OUT 1 DAY???

It's hard to read your post with all the text speak and general butchery of the English language.

But I would say ignore.

You might be better starting a new thread of your own if you want advice.

And please use paragraphs.

Sorry.. I just needed, desperate advice.. I'm mostly using my cell for this to keep private, so I'm used to chopping up the English language. .

Sorry, if I confused you..

Is this better??

I understand you say ignore.. Let me ask you?? How??

We use our body language everyday.. I think I was oblivious at first, because I was focused on my marriage and our sex life..

However, that has been extreenly hard now.. My H doesn’t have any health issues. . Except his weight.. No heart problems or diabetes..

We went to the doctor together to see if maybe he could benefit from viagra or cialicis for our sexual benefit, however our doctor didn't even suggest it..

Pretty much said to him, my H.. Lose weight.. In the meantime our sex life continues to decline & I'm utterly frustrated.. My husband doesn't show signs of frustration at all!!!

This is a ZOMBIE thread.

You can try starting a new one to get more advice.

Oh God,ladies please help me with some advice here,I'm going crazy with my feelings and thoughts.I'm 47 yrs old,being married for 29,have 3 grown children,5 grandkids.I thought i was happy n in love with my husband but 6 months ago i started having feelings for a 38 yr old married guy i work with.I know we both feel the same by the way he looks at me,talks to me,touches my arm,walks by me really close,sings some very pretty songs over my shoulder.i talked about what i feel to some coworkers and they say i'm in love.I'm always thinking of him,first thing on my mind every morning,last thing on my mind .wake up during the night and think about him.feeling sad or happy i think about him,wanting to share those feelings with him.when i'm "with" my husband its him i'm thinking about.so many other things going on.but with what i wrote what do you guys think is going on with me.please help me,with all this confusion going on in my head and my heart

I am feeling for you as I am an a weird situation myself. I fancy a married woman she knows and we almost fell out when I told her. We are good friends now but I know my manager likes her we all work in the same place and while she was out doing her job he phoned her just for a chat ? A manager shouldn't do that for one she can't do her job properly. She has told me a few people she likes and he's one of them. Now all I see is them getting together it really hurts. I hope you stay married and it's just a crush for you. As I do for the girl I like. X

Why dont you think of your husband feeling like it about someone at his work and about another women having sex with her husband and thinking about yours. And think about what hapoened if that moved on and where you and your children would be.

I can't stop thinking about my receptionist. We both have kids. We are both married.

We have gotten to a very flirtatious exchange. I really want to be with her more. She's in my thoughts constantly. We have even started texting one another.

Her husband works in the same building.

I am unhappy with marriage ( not kids). She's a very awesome mom, but attracted to me. I know this.

Where to go????!