I have a crush, I think it's mutual. We're both married.

[idontwantthiscrush]

Namechanged as known on here in RL.

Looking for genuine practical advice here.

Started a new job 3 months ago and was instantly attracted to a colleague. I expected at the time that he felt the same. Over the past 3 months we have had to work closely together and the sexual tension is crazy. I cannot remember such intense physical attraction with such physical effects, in fact I think I have only had it with 2 or 3 guys In my life (dh is not one of them).

The last month with the work colleague has been the worst. Nothing has been said but I am pretty sure we both feel the same. It's ridiculous crazy chemistry and I just want to do things to him that I know I shouldn't want to.

We are both married and both have 2 young DCs.

So far I have handled this by being totally professional all the time, only going on work events which I really have to (I.e. not seeing him outside work) and when I have had to go I've driven so I wouldn't let any inhibititions go and end up flirting or suchlike. I am trying to invest my sexual and flirtatious energy into my marriage (which has become a bit stale) and also remember that this guy from work has a family, a wife, and probably farts and leaves his cups on top of the dishwasher just like mine does.

The problem is I cannot stop thinking about him. I DO NOT want to act on it. Well, I do in my sexual fantasies but its not a road I want to go down in RL AT ALL.

I've been telling myself for weeks just to get him out of my head and focus on the DCs and DH and how lucky I am with them. I feel like such a teenage fool being a married woman who fancies a colleague.

I know I sound like a muppet but I wondered if anyone has ever experienced this, and what you did to get rid of the crush/tension.

The obvious answer is to leave my job but I was looking for 8months for this job and opportunities in my industry are rare where I live. We can't pay the mortgage without my salary. I also can't work any less with this guy.

Even reading this back I am embarrassed by myself.

Actually, this thread has been really interesting:

just through talking about it, even on MN, is making Crush really go off the idea.

Anon and SoH: you talk about crossing the line and how much you both regret it.

But what was it like at the time? Was it great? Was it humdrum? Was it like you thought it was going to be?

So here's my take on sex in a long term relationship...

Sometimes its intimate and loving and tender and all about love making an other times I just want a good hard fuck. In the case of the latter it's not about intimacy - its about the amazing feeling I get from being shagged. And to be honest whilst of course I wouldn't want to be shagged by just anyone the only real benefit of it being dh on those days is that he knows how to turn me on.

Was that blunt enough?

When dh and I make love I don't imagine other guy but when we fuck sometimes I do. But then I bet it's not as unusual as you think for at least one partner to fantasise about someone else during sex.

abitwobbly you're right - this thread has made me see it for what it is and that is a GREAT thing.

By the way that is my take on sex in MY long term relationship - I know others will feel differently of course!

That's a good explanation of it idont, I feel exactly the same. Also a DIY job would definitely often involve fantasising about random hot men of my acquaintance, that's the beauty of the imagination: it's not real life...

springy I'd be surprised if your DH didn't fantasise about other women the odd time to be honest.

can't having a good hard fuck be about intimacy too? I don't see it's any different, intimacy-wise, to loving, smoochy whatever. It's all intimacy, surely? ie if you want it to be - though you can have a fuck and ignore the erm preciousness of the person you're having a good fuck with; basically use the person, like a wank. Or you're trusting a partner who loves you, trusting each other, to realise desires and fantasies together.

I guess we just see it differently springy

Ask your dh if he's EVER fantasised about anyone else during sex or wanking... I dare you

springy long-term relationships are different things for different people. It's not up to anyone to judge the parameters of someone else's relationship when it comes to sex or anything else.

Wanking is different. Its supposed to be your time. Fantasising, thinking of Kelly Brooke or Rosie Hunting-whiteley, or whomever floats your boat, is fine.
You're allowed to think of anyone you like.
When you are having sex/making love/F**king eachother as hard as you can, thats different, becasue you are WITH someone. You are SUPPOSED to be thinking of them.
I DID ask dh. He says that when he is with me, he has never thought of anyone else.
Is a total NO NO for him. I agree.

Go on then OP, ask your dh if he minds. I request that you do. Ask him. Tell him what you have been thinking about.
You think he won't mind? I beg to differ.

And, a good hard fuck is totally about intimacy.
I love a good hard f**k, Me !!

"springy I'd be surprised if your DH didn't fantasise about other women the odd time to be honest. "
Well, helltotheno, my dh says no. computer says no. so maybe springy is not quite so far off the mark.

You are SUPPOSED to be thinking of them.

You forgot to qualify that sentence with 'in my opinion'..... like I said, you can't really speak for the many and various people in many and various types of relationships.

Of course your DH said no Oblomov.

'in my opinion'.
Yep, in my opinion.
I think if you asked people, the consensus would be that they did mind.
When you have sex, do you not look into your husbands eyes? Is it not your husband that you see? If its not your husband, it could be anyone, right? Makes him a bit obsolete, no? Universal. Could be anyone?
I don't like that idea. I want it to be me, who the person wants to be with.
'In My humble opinion'.
You think that want is unusual, uncommon, minority?
I hope not.

Basically what hellto said!!

oblomov - with all due respect it isn't up to you to dictate the 'rules' for other people's sex lives. Each couple is different.... And besides if your dh is prepared to blow his load thinking of Kelly brook whilst having a wankthen clearly his fantasies are alive and well...

I feel a thread about a thread coming on

You think that want is unusual, uncommon, minority

See I don't give a rats whether it is or not y'know? Other people's relationships don't concern me unless they impact on my life. I also didn't say (and don't think anyone did) that I always fantasise about someone else during sex with my DH.

Just embrace what works for you and don't worry so much about what works for other people. I don't get why you're wound up about this

Op, I didn't dictate the rules.

Hellto, it appears it is you getting wound up, not me. I didn't say that you said "I always fantasise about ....". You are not reading my posts correctly.

Op, I didn't dictate the rules.

Rules? What rules? Does someone else dictate them?!

"And besides if your dh is prepared to blow his load thinking of Kelly brook"

I never said this. I never said :
"MY husband wanks over Kelly Brooke".
I never said anything of the sort.
Actually my husband does like Kelly Brooke. I think she is very beautiful too. so.....
I was refering to people generally, who want to fanatasise about someone, whoever it may be, whilst they are wanking, I consider this fine.
Where did I say MY DH does.

Can you find that quote?
No. You have misquoted me.

OP:
"oblomov - with all due respect it isn't up to you to dictate the 'rules' for other people's sex lives."

I was quoting Op, hellto.

Yes but when you said:

When you are having sex/making love/Fking eachother .....You are SUPPOSED to be thinking of them.

how was that not you dictating the rules for other people's relationships?

O.k. thats me told.
I thought that was normal. I didn't even realise it could be any other way. I thought that was the whole point of sex. Well, maybe not one night stands, but loving sex, in relationships.
I never knew any other way. I thought it was supposed to be like that.

What other way do other people do it, hellto?

Oblomov it isn't you told, you have an absolute right to have any feelings you like about sex in your own relationship.

I'll assume your question is rhetorical since I can't speak for everyone in the world, but it would be very naive of you to think that everyone does things the way you do, just because you think your way is the only way. I think it's fair enough that you were called out on that btw.

I don't feel called out on.
Please explain some of the other 'rules'/ways/beliefs/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, that you know of, so that I can compare. Please hellto.
In loving relationsships, you say that many people , unlike me, do not think that you are supposed to concentrate on the person taha you are actually with.
So what do other people do. What other ways are there, that you know of?

In loving relationsships, you say that many people , unlike me, do not think that you are supposed to concentrate on the person taha you are actually with.

No love, nobody said that :) I personally said that I am fully capable of fantasising (or not) about another person/people/sometimes including my DH, sometimes not, when I'm having sex with my DH.... and no there's nothing wrong with our relationship :)
There being nothing new under the sun an' all that, I'm guessing I'm not the only one who'd make a statement like the above.

Again, why so interested? It's not your relationship so why do you even care?

"Again, why so interested? It's not your relationship so why do you even care? "

Why are you saying that to Me? I thought that anyone was allowed to post on a thread.

You think that I care too much, about this? What makes you say that?