got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!

[CrispyHedgehog]

help!!!!

'hold your hold'? hold your hand..

Well done Crispy...holds hand and sends hugs x

Any "shit storm" is all of his own making, he is a rapist, he chose to rape you, none of this was your fault, he made it all happen, he deserves whatever comes his way.

You haven't made a statement yet? I'm guessing the copper who came to the door was one who gave you the confidence to raise topic with him... seems to me that another force it at play here and it's a force for good that will ensure no harm comes to you.

There's not going to be any shitstorm, Crispy. You're going to make a statement to the police and they're going to do their job and, as I said earlier, that is likely to be the end of it insofar as the 'legal' side of things is concerned but you will be empowered by the knowledge that you had the courage to stand up and be counted in the hope that, by doing so, you may spare other equally unsuspecting women the ordeal you endured.

oh god... its going to be bad isn't it :/

Oh crispy, it may be hard for you but its not going to be bad. You are doing the right thing and you have done nothing wrong: you are the person who has been horribly wronged and its him who should be worried.

Keep us posted we are with you all the way

Why's it going to be bad? All that's required of you is to tell the truth.

Obviously it won't be particularly pleasant to tell the police about the way in which you were sexually assaulted as you will be required to give an account of what he said/did prior to penetration, but you need to hold on to the fact that you're not being asked to recount what happened to you from any voyeuristic motivation but merely to establish the facts so that they can determine what action to take.

Please don't worry unduly, Crispy. You'll be treated with sensitivity and I suspect that after you've given your statement, you'll feel a sense of relief that it is 'over' and that you can move on knowng that you've done all you can to stop this man from continuing to abuse his position.

Crispy So proud of you for having the courage to tell the police. Well done you!

All that you need to do is tell the truth and let the consequences happen for the lowlife that raped you. You've done nothing wrong.

Stay strong and know that there are people here supporting you.

Well done, Crispy.....echoing the above, you should be so proud of yourself for having taken this step. I really hope that you feel better once you've let yourself tell someone 'external' what happened.

I don't know if this option will be open to you but when I reported what happened to me, I did a really brief statement and then went in a few days later and did a video statement instead of having someone write it down. I found that maybe a bit easier because it is relatively quick, and also gives you a chance to tell your story as you remember it without being prompted. The only questions they asked me were really wierd details that I wouldn't have thought to state (how much exactly I spent was one I remember) - but nothing uncomfortable or disturbing.

I really hope whoever you are assigned now from the police will support you with sensitivity. You are VERY BRAVE and don't forget that!

I'm just so scared of the fallout

it's a huge thing to accuse someone of isn't it?

fuck fuck fuck

the police haven't called me back yet

Crispy, well done and I hope the next steps go smoothly. So pleased you felt able to report him. We are all behind you.

yes, but WHAT HE DID is a huge thing. It is on his head Crispy. Don't doubt yourself.

Crispy,

We believe you. We believe in you.

Sending you as much love as I can fit in this message.

x

It would be a huge thing to accuse an innocent man of rape, Crispy, but he isn't innocent - you said no but he wouldn't take no for an answer and he raped you.

As for the 'fallout', I think you may be under some misapprehension as to the way in which the police operate in these matters as he's unlikely to be suspended or lose his job on the strength of an allegation that's been made against him.

What you may be seeing as 'fallout' may never happen, Crispy, and please remember what I told you earlier - your anonymity is protected and you are under no obligation to reveal to anyone else what you tell the police.

Have you been able to confide in a friend, Crispy? Do you have anyone with you now that you can offload to?

Hopefully, the police officer who called at your home today will make contact with officers who are trained to investigate sexual assaults but, depending on their caseload, it may be a few days before they are able to take your statement.

You may find it helpful to draw up a list of any points that you especially feel you should tell the police. No doubt you'll have your own idea of what those should be but, in case they're not immediately to the forefront of your mind, I'd like to suggest that the following should be on your list:

1. Sending you his 'schedule' for the next few weeks prior to your date which you thought unusual but appeared to indicate that he was an honest upfront type of guy
2. The 'odd' looks you received while in the pub where you met him
3. His comment to the effect that 'you intend to make me wait' when you told him you weren't up for sex on a first date
4. The 'tour' he made of your home
5. His abrupt change of manner after he'd forced you to have sex with him
6. His text the next day which caused you to doubt that what he'd done to you was as bad as you knew it to be at the time
7. The fear you felt when you heard an ambulance siren and your fear that he may take it upon himself to come to your home unexpectedly

If you don't have anyone you'd like to be with you when you give your statement, don't worry, honey. It's probable you'll be assigned a female officer to hold your hand, as it were, and you will be given all the reassurance you need to give your account. If you don't want to give your account to a male police officer, don't be afraid to ask for only women to be present when you give your statement.

Please rest assured that you'll be believed without question. The police have seen and heard it all before and in giving a statement you won't be doing anything that hasn't been done by many thousands of women before you.

Take heart - everyone who's read your thread will be sending you strength; you can and you will do this and you will feel infinitely better for it.

Izzy that seems to me to be such a very helpful post.
Crispy I absolutely salute you. You are stronger than you realise. Xx

crispy, I can only echo izzy (again)

in her last post she summarised only what you have told us in readiness for you making a statement

it is immensely helpful and will help you clarify your thoughts

write down what she wrote, and use it as a template to add in any more thoughts of your own and red flags you have realised in retrospect

be prepared, and it will ease your mind

you are doing a brave thing, and like someone else said yes, this is a huge thing but he did a huge thing to you

I'm alone.

The sapphire police rang and took some details. They're going to run background checks on him without him knowing to see if any other complaints have been against him. They'll take a proper statement from me tomorrow.

She was very honest that it will probably be my word against his, especially if it looks like I was compliant on cctv.

Thanks sooo much all of you. I'm doing this partly because of all of you and partly for me.

I'm just terrified of what's ahead.

I don't get the cctv thing (unless you have cctv in your house where the deed took place)

Just because a woman is seen enjoying a drink, a chat, a flirt, a snog, a grope etc etc with a bloke in a public place, does not make her up for non-consensual sex with him later on

I do so hope that Crispy feels the same way, MS.

Given the complexity of the subject I wasn't able to make them any shorter, but I've been concerned that the long responses I've given on this thread may have made it appear if I've been hogging it.

I'm immensely relieved to learn that Crispy's made the decision to report her horrendous experience to the police of her own volition rather than at the urging of others - especially as my intended further response on the subject of why he did it would have inevitably ended with an appeal to that effect.

From everything Crispy has said, there's no question in my mind that this man knew full well what he was doing and that what he did was to carry out an intention he formed when he first encountered Crispy.

While it may be comforting in certain ways, it can be particularly hard to come to terms with being the victim of a man whose only intent was to have sex regardless of consent to the act because knowing that one's personality has been negated is effectively another violation of one's self.

I'm really proud of you for telling the police, crispy. It must have been a really hard thing to do.

I do Izzy... I'm finding the information you share immensely helpful - please don't stop. Not just for me, but also for other women who might read but not have posted about their experiences.. it might nudge them into speaking out too.

It was a fluke that police came to my house today, for a completely unrelated reason and my first thought was how did they know??? and I just blurted it out.

So far they've been pretty gentle with me I think.. not too much detail, just enough for them to get a picture of what happened.

AF they said they're going to check the cctv in both pubs we went into and the reason for it being bad if I looked compliant is because then he could argue that I was a willing participant and footage could be used to back him up.

The thng is, I really think he doesn't realise that he did anything wrong. The way he tried to pull me back afterward when I got up to leave the room, in the morning asking why I hadn't come back to bed.. fuck sake he even put the tv on, had breakfast and a shower before he left in the morning The whole time I was just willing him to leave, barely spoke to him. It was horrible.. amost worse than the night before

Am not doubting what was said to you, crispy. It just pisses me off that women are seen as being in a permanent state of consent, just for having a drink with a bloke.

It needs to change < grrr >

He spent the night in your home and in your bed? Did he have sex with you in your bed or in another part of your home? Did you ask him to leave after he'd had sex with you?

These are questions the police are likely to ask you but I'm not trying to interrogate you. If you didn't ask him to leave after he'd had sex with you, is there any reason why you didn't ask him to go?