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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!

363 replies

CrispyHedgehog · 24/09/2012 16:50

help!!!!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/09/2012 20:17

With the exception of the police and rape crisis counsellors/workers, I'd share your reservations about telling anyone in rl because even if you are not 'looked at differently' you will feel as if you are iyswim.

Given time that feeling wll pass and you may feel able to confide in close friends/relatives should conversation turn to the subject in connection with a news topic or similar.

I understand your wobble about going back to the first pub but I'd have to do it to satisfy my curiousity and also to reclaim my right to go where I want without fear. After completing my mission I'd be unlikely to go there again for any social purpose but I'd be damned if I allowed anyone who'd subjected me to sexual assault to cause me to avoid a place because he may be there or for any other reason.

If the same barman's on duty, or any of the clientele you saw are there tonight, I'd spin a yarn about having been there with a recent acquaintance of a friend of a friend, of whom I have little knowledge other than what he'd told me, the other night and as it appeared that the 'regulars' looked at him askance I wondered if there was some reason he attracted attention that I should know about before deciding whether to see him again.

I'd make it humorous/lighthearted (even though my heart would no doubt be pounding fit to bust) and say maybe I've been watching too many cop shows or he had a large zit that escaped my attention or some such.

Possessing good manners has led to many women finding themselves in situations they could have avoided had they opted for seemingly impolite behaviour over any consideration of social nicety.

The tried and trusted trip to the loo and exit out of another door is one that shouldn't be rejected out of hand on the grounds of rudeness, but more socially acceptable is the trip to said loo followed by emerging ostensibly talking on the mobile, ending the pretend call before reaching the seat/table, and apologising profusely for having to curtail the evening due to brother/other male relative having unexpectedly arrived from Paris/LA/Timbuctoo and being on their way to my home from nearest regional airport - said standing up while draining glass (where applicable) and picking up one's coat before departing to call a cab/jump on a bus 'thank you so much, it's been a pleasure to meet you but I couldn't possibly accept your offer of a lift/escort home - do please stay and have another'.

Btw, the reason why you are concerned about 'ruining his life' if you reveal his identity/make a complaint to the police, is that you recognise the enormity of what he's done but you are still attempting to persuade yourself that what he inflicted on you is little more than him misreading your 'no's' and 'don't's' and that he was unaware that what he did to you is rape.

This is very far from being the case, Crispy. His earlier 'ooh you gonna make me wait eh?' clearly shows that he knows the boundaries of acceptable/customary first 'date' behaviour and he deliberately crossed them because that's what he does - every time he has opportunity to do so.

The tour he made of your house without so much as a by your leave was to assure himself that no-one else was at home and also served to mark his territory in much the same way as a tomcat sprays his scent.

If you should have any lingering doubts, reflect on the fact that it's inconceivable that a man who may be called to attend victims of sexual assault has not received training in this field and he is more than aware than most of the various circumstances in which these assaults are carried out.

Start getting righteously angry, Crispy, and get yourself to that pub tonight - make it the first step to recovering your equilibrium.

NB This isn't 'why he did it'; this is the 'he did it because he exploits the trust his unwitting victims place in him due to his employment and he was able to take advantage of your well-mannered upbringing'.

CrispyHedgehog · 30/09/2012 12:19

I didn't make it to the pub in the end, friend who was coming with me was too hungover from the night before. I will get there, just to close it off in my mind I think, I'm a bit old fashioned tho (thanks again mum) in that 'naice' girls don't go into places unaccompanied, ffs I won't even go into a cafe by myself.

It's very weird.. it's becoming almost like it happened to someone else and not me. I don't know how to explain it but it's like something very distant now, apart from when things pop into my head fleetingly... Haven't heard from him since weds night either.

OP posts:
OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 30/09/2012 12:36

Would your friend go with you another night? I would try to go sooner rather than later so that you've more chance of them remembering. I'm glad he hasn't been in touch, the vile bastard.

izzyizin · 30/09/2012 13:44

Shock can cause us to rapidly distance ourselves from a traumatic event by giving the experience an 'otherworldy' quality which can make it seem as if it happened in a parallel universe or to someone else. It's a protective mechanism which enables us to go about our usual routines apparently unscathed.

This is fine while it lasts but, as it rarely lasts, seemingly unrelated occurences can trigger flashbacks in which the full horror is repeatedly relived.

My concern is that, apart from your GP, you haven't spoken to anyone in RL who can help you minimise/avoid post-traumatic stress by enabling you to explore, process, and resolve your feelings now rather than run the risk of being unexpectedly forced to do so at some future date, Crispy,

FWIW, I'm a very naice gal but if I had to wait for someone to accompany me to places I want to visit, it's likely that I wouldn't venture far from home Smile

izzyizin · 30/09/2012 14:15

repeatedly relived not 'relieved' - if only!

Lueji · 30/09/2012 14:45

I go everywhere by myself and can actually enjoy it, but TBH I'd also have asked a friend to go with me to that pub.
Just in case he was there again.

And I agree with izzy. Be angry with him, do not feel that you have done anything wrong or that you will ruin his life. If you go to the police, it will be his wrongdoing and not yours.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2012 15:29

Just checking in with you crispy, after a few days of no internet

Please don't blame yourself. He has done you wrong, don't compound that by taking any responsibility for that away from him

btw, did you have a drink in that pub where you were getting funny looks ? Do you think he may have been spotted "interfering" with your drink in any way ?

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 30/09/2012 16:40

Christ, AF, I'd like to think bar staff would do or say something if they saw such a thing.

The OP does remember what happened though, doesn't she? It doesn't sound as though she was given rophynol at any rate.

AnyFucker · 30/09/2012 17:00

You would hope the bar staff would say something, but there are a lot of idiots in this world who "don't like to interfere"

Anyway, 'twas just a thought. Not necessarily Rohypnol. I was thinking a "double when she asked for a single" kinda thing. Or a sedative to make her a bit more "pliable". The guy has access to shedloads of that shit. It happens.

Hope you are ok, crispy. Sorry to speculate as if you weren't here. Not sure I am being helpful so will shut up now and just send you a (((hug)))

CrispyHedgehog · 30/09/2012 17:02

I do go out and about, just wouldn't go into a pub/restaurant etc by myself. Didn't get to the pub last night, I'm thinking now to go tomorrow night, because I know it will be quiet in there like last week and chances of the same people being there will be better.

I'm not angry at all.. I never am. I think that's a lot of my trouble. I get mildly grumpy at times, but never really angry - about anything. I think that goes back to my upbringing too. Christ this thread is dredging up all kinds of stuff isn't it?

I don't think he put anything in my drinks, but I do suspect he bought me doubles rather than singles. I wasn't drunk, but felt the effect more than I should have done for the amount I had to drink, if that makes sense? I remember everything pretty clearly I think.. everything that matters anyway :(

OP posts:
CrispyHedgehog · 30/09/2012 17:04

AF you thought the same as me, doubles rather than singles!
Glad to see you back.. and hugs are always welcome x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/09/2012 17:09

it's an old trick, the doubles instead of singles Sad (but the old ones are still just as effective)

izzyizin · 30/09/2012 17:32

What happened to you will dredge up all sorts, Crispy.

He's not the type to use rophynol or other substances to overcome his victims. He wouldn't be above passing doubles off as singles but it wouldn't serve his purpose to have his victims semi-comatose or throwing up all over him - plus he gets enough of that at work.

If you can't bring yourself to get angry at the fact that this man deliberately set out to sexually violate you, you'll have to rely on your niceness to prompt you to put yourself first and foremost.

DreamingofSummer · 01/10/2012 10:58

Crispy

How are you today? Thinking of you and sending cyber hugs and best wishes

CrispyHedgehog · 01/10/2012 11:31

I'm ok I think thanks summer

Can't stop bloody eating tho

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 01/10/2012 13:52

Dear Crispy, just a quick line to say hello, thinking of you and wishing you well xx

CrispyHedgehog · 01/10/2012 17:24

Thanks Pasty.. I've just had a quiet day really. I tried googling him to see if anything interesting came up but nothing much there tbh.. a fb page that he doesn't seem to use is all really.

Got a lovely friend bringing me dinner later so I'll have company tonight :)

OP posts:
tzella · 01/10/2012 17:56

he said he used to live in my area, and that pub used to be his local several years ago

Something occurred to me; perhaps he had a reputation in your area and that pub? Perhaps the barmen and regulars were looking askance as they knew something about him or had heard rumours?

One might also think that if anyone had ever made a complaint of rape about him before but nothing came of it (unreliable witness, no evidence, the usual) then this helps build a case against him....

Christ, I can hardly type here Sad I'm so sorry this happened to you. Reading this last week and it happening 'in real time' Sad Hope you have a good time with your friend Smile

CrispyHedgehog · 02/10/2012 15:58

I feel sick

I've told teh police

OP posts:
cleef15 · 02/10/2012 16:05

That is really brave. I'm going to say well done too as I think that is the right thing to do in this case. X

foofooyeah · 02/10/2012 16:06

Well done Crispy, that must have taken enormous courage. I am so sorry you are going through this.

PeppermintPasty · 02/10/2012 16:09

Well good for you. That was brave. Have you got your mate with you/coming round later.

We're here for offloading purposes whenever needed Smile

izzyizin · 02/10/2012 16:12

Extra (((hugs))) honey - I wish I was with you in rl to hold your hold and tell you how immensely brave you've been.

Of course you feel sick, honey - that's shock, trauma, fear, doubt, and whole gamut of other emotions coming out and your reaction is entirely natural.

Needless to say, I'm immensely relieved to know that you found the courage to tell the police, Crispy - well done you.

May I ask what tipped the balance? What decided you to do take the right action for yourself and for others?

CrispyHedgehog · 02/10/2012 16:12

it ws a random copper who came to the door for somthing else
he'sgoing to hand it over to someone whos specially trained
im really scared of the shitstorm thats going to result but its done now

OP posts:
LIttleMissTickles · 02/10/2012 16:12

Crispy, I've been lurking and sending quietly supportive vibes, but want you to know that I'm another one thinking of you, admiring your courage, and wishing you emotional healing. X

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