With the exception of the police and rape crisis counsellors/workers, I'd share your reservations about telling anyone in rl because even if you are not 'looked at differently' you will feel as if you are iyswim.
Given time that feeling wll pass and you may feel able to confide in close friends/relatives should conversation turn to the subject in connection with a news topic or similar.
I understand your wobble about going back to the first pub but I'd have to do it to satisfy my curiousity and also to reclaim my right to go where I want without fear. After completing my mission I'd be unlikely to go there again for any social purpose but I'd be damned if I allowed anyone who'd subjected me to sexual assault to cause me to avoid a place because he may be there or for any other reason.
If the same barman's on duty, or any of the clientele you saw are there tonight, I'd spin a yarn about having been there with a recent acquaintance of a friend of a friend, of whom I have little knowledge other than what he'd told me, the other night and as it appeared that the 'regulars' looked at him askance I wondered if there was some reason he attracted attention that I should know about before deciding whether to see him again.
I'd make it humorous/lighthearted (even though my heart would no doubt be pounding fit to bust) and say maybe I've been watching too many cop shows or he had a large zit that escaped my attention or some such.
Possessing good manners has led to many women finding themselves in situations they could have avoided had they opted for seemingly impolite behaviour over any consideration of social nicety.
The tried and trusted trip to the loo and exit out of another door is one that shouldn't be rejected out of hand on the grounds of rudeness, but more socially acceptable is the trip to said loo followed by emerging ostensibly talking on the mobile, ending the pretend call before reaching the seat/table, and apologising profusely for having to curtail the evening due to brother/other male relative having unexpectedly arrived from Paris/LA/Timbuctoo and being on their way to my home from nearest regional airport - said standing up while draining glass (where applicable) and picking up one's coat before departing to call a cab/jump on a bus 'thank you so much, it's been a pleasure to meet you but I couldn't possibly accept your offer of a lift/escort home - do please stay and have another'.
Btw, the reason why you are concerned about 'ruining his life' if you reveal his identity/make a complaint to the police, is that you recognise the enormity of what he's done but you are still attempting to persuade yourself that what he inflicted on you is little more than him misreading your 'no's' and 'don't's' and that he was unaware that what he did to you is rape.
This is very far from being the case, Crispy. His earlier 'ooh you gonna make me wait eh?' clearly shows that he knows the boundaries of acceptable/customary first 'date' behaviour and he deliberately crossed them because that's what he does - every time he has opportunity to do so.
The tour he made of your house without so much as a by your leave was to assure himself that no-one else was at home and also served to mark his territory in much the same way as a tomcat sprays his scent.
If you should have any lingering doubts, reflect on the fact that it's inconceivable that a man who may be called to attend victims of sexual assault has not received training in this field and he is more than aware than most of the various circumstances in which these assaults are carried out.
Start getting righteously angry, Crispy, and get yourself to that pub tonight - make it the first step to recovering your equilibrium.
NB This isn't 'why he did it'; this is the 'he did it because he exploits the trust his unwitting victims place in him due to his employment and he was able to take advantage of your well-mannered upbringing'.