Is this normal ?

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

For him to tell me he's going to smother me ..
I do know it's not normal in a way but do people put up with it because it's 'their' normal and that's just how my life is?
Some people wil have non of this going on for them so to them it's a big NO that's wrong, others maybe it happens , there told he's going to kill them?
I have no idea if I'm making any sense ?

[izzyizin]

Final para should read: You've had every chance to expose this man and every support and encouragement to keep him out of the lives of yourself and the dc. Can you not see him for the monster he is?

[garlicnutty]

Hi, Waiting. How are things?

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

Hi garlicnutty I still have no dd2,
He's told my solicitor today he wants me to go back to him.

I did ring police to get dd2 but had issues with the court order, I have to do this I just talked to my mate she said my dc will end up with one parent him in jail or me not here I have to protect my dc.

[garlicnutty]

God, I feel for you.

He can tell his solicitor he wants Beyonce to move in with him, he's old enough to find out he can't get everything he wants!

I'm sorry I don't understand about the court order ...?
Your mate's right. It's a damn sight better for your DC to end up with you as their parent and him in jail, where he belongs. Glad you've got friends rooting for you.

[itsallinmyhead]

If a man threatened to kill me I would be inclined to take the threat seriously.

Is he depressed? Has he threatened to take his own life?

There is a connection between suicidal & homicidal tendencies.

Please seek specialist support from your local Women's Aid, even if it's just to talk.

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

Ok I got dd2 back,

It was ok collecting them, kind of
I felt worried and scared, he looked at me like I'm gonna pay

I wanted to go back a bit today I didn't xx

[garlicnutty]

She's back???!!! Oh, well done! :) :) :) :)

Extremely glad you didn't go back! Don't!

Did you have someone with you when you went? Are the police/SS up to speed?

I've got to go to bed ... Hoping to hear of a lovely, cosy weekend with your DC :)
All the best, keep your friends around you. xx

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

Thankyou garlic

I'm feeling all over the place
So I have seen that a refuge isn't the option I'm learning to stand up to him, It's hard.

Today he smiled and that's all I thought about,
Fixated on someone that's no good for me or my dc.

[izzyizin]

How did you come to see him today?

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

He dropped dd1 off to me.

[Offred]

Brilliant!

[izzyizin]

When he smiles remember the way he looked at you yesterday like you were 'going to pay' because you know that, when he flashes his shark's teeth, he is not far off from making you pay again.

[Offred]

Smiling at you like that is part of making you pay, it is drawing you in.

[garlicnutty]

Sweetheart, you've done so well! Give yourself a hi-five

I'm telling you what you know: he's trained you to feel like that when he smiles. I'd bet that, in the past, he's made you work for that smile. A rare and special thing, is it? For you, anyway. I used to crave my ex's smile; I'd do all sorts of damaging, humiliating things to get it. He smiled a heck of a lot more at other people and, bless me, I hang on every detail of what they did, hoping I'd learn how to get the smiles they got from my husband. He knew it, the fucker. Now and again, I caught him smirking to himself as he watched me gazing anxiously at his full-beam treatment of some other woman. Rationing his fucking smiles to keep me hanging off him. It's not nice, is it?

So ... YAY! You resisted :) Another step towards getting yourself back; another link in the chain severed. You are heroic. Well done.

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

I have just sat here feeling really shit it's been a tough week and when your down and someone knocks the wind out your sails, I thought what how stupid I was posting about him smiling at me, and it has been on my mind all day, I defiantly understand now why it has, he will smile and laugh with everyone else but me, I am trying to think of a time he did? Or what I did to get one? I'm not sure I can sex I think he did, I think I understand things and then there's so much more I don't, and then I analyse more and try and un pick it some more.

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

I didnt see this when I lived with him.

[garlicnutty]

A bit of distance gives you clearer vision, doesn't it.

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

Yes it does, but I don't think I'd of realised that.

[izzyizin]

When he smiles at you it means he's pleased with himself or pleased at the thought of what he's going to do to you.

You played into his hands a week ago by letting your dd stay over for one night. From that one night he was able to keep her at his home, and keep her off school,, until yesterday evening without being to account in any way.

You've done more than most to reinforce his view that he's above the law and last week has been further proof to him that he's invincible.

Today's smile signified his pleasure at having got one over on you yet again but I suspect it also signifies his intent to rub your nose in it in the very near future. If he runs true to form - which he invariably has done to date - he'll attempt to physically assault you again soon.

[garlicnutty]

Scary. I imagine he knows about the hanging on for the smile, too, and used it to try and make you weak (lucky your're not, hey?!)

And you've got both DD1 and DD2 home with you now? Fabulous :) Go you!

I have GOT to keep off Mumsnet for a week, Waiting, it's eating my life I'll be thinking of you, and will catch up soon. Saty on your thread, and keep seeing things as they really are! (It hurts sometimes, but really is worth it for the clarity.) xxx

[garlicnutty]

*Saty? Stay!

[izzyizin]

Dd1 and ds 1 currently live with the psychopath their father, garlic, who is in the process of corrupting poisoning dd2's mind against waiting.

What he can't get one way, he will stop at nothing to get another way.

[Waitingforthestormtopass]

There are no kind men in the world that don't want to Hurt you.

Non that don't poison your mind , twist your thoughts, keep you locked inside,

Make you dance, outside world don't grasp your trance,
Your windowed world your prison with no bars.

Non that don't scar you so deep, don't feed from your sole,
There are no kind men in this world.

[izzyizin]

That isn't true, Waiting, but, if it were, you have opportunity to change that state of affairs by raising your male dc to be kind and considerate men who are respectful of women.

[garlicnutty]

You can see my Mumsnet detox isn't going that well

How are you, Waiting? Did you write the verse you posted?
^Make you dance, outside world don't grasp your trance,
Your windowed world your prison with no bars.^

Very good description of feeling locked in Stockholm Syndrome. What a horrid thing to do to someone else. It's not true that all men are crazed power freaks. I've got to say I believed this for a very long time. Am relieved to have got out of that invisible prison, and discovered nice decent men all over the outside!