Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

Sponge, my lovely. I agree with snape. I know you know your are amazing etc... I think that at the momment you dont believe it though.
It's sort of become a downwards spiral at the momment, where you cant seem to do anything to make it ok, even though you are trying.
As snape has suggested is a good idea, get Back to ' you' feel better..

The man is a fool, sadly noone of us will know why, but draw a line under it.

Maybe he felt uncomfortable with being in a much worse financial position than me

Quite likely, but men don't usually admit to that.

I noticed ex was happiest when I worked in a shoe shop after I finished my phd and before I got a paid position.

Thats exactly what i want watch I'm watching a jade green fifties style monsoon dress on ebay at the mo. It's a bit difficult...it needs to say effort, but not a ridiculous amount of effort as I'll be a fish out of water amongst a sea of lesbians...that said, that might work in my favour....if it's that it will be red heels...

Now I have got a bloody student messaging me! Nothing wrong with students btw but this isn't even a mature student. I am literally old enough to be his mother ffs. Why???????

Am amazed at the random selection of men I appear to be attracting. Obviously I have a wide appeal

mmmm sponge your dress is lovely! :)

Sponge - well done on the appraisal and on doing good things for yourself !! Fantastic.

Snape - maybe I missed this but remind me why u are going to a lesbian ball (and have u remembered to buy a stick cause I think u may need it to keep them off u )

Date was..meh. He was ok. Short (even by my standards) and not as good looking as his photo but the main thing was that I had to carry the entire conversation. Kept trying to ask questions or give him an opening but every time I shut up it just died. Lucky I can talk a lot!!

Not really surprised my instincts have yet to be wrong. Have met 6 men online since march. The 2 I had lots of flirting and great chemistry with before we met were so far the only two I saw or wanted to see again. The ones where I have had to think Let's just wait and see have done nothing for me on person.

Um.. In person

Wow - fucking awesome dress!!

oh yoga what a pain. still, it's done! :)

This is PMs-exes-girlfriends birthday drinks. 6th october. I feel the need to scrub up - so far i'm at either a bit demure... or a bit shiny-cheap looking

...for those of you who don't 'know' me, I'm 5 ft 10, dark hair very milky-pale but covered in a fuck-ton of tattoos, so i tend to go for single-colour dresses so it doesnt get too confusing. 36e/f bust, like to disguise upper arms and stomach if at all possible and have no arse to speak of. I do NOT want to look like a drag-queen. I intend to flirt outrageously with everyone under PMs nose

fly my pretties! fly!

Catching up with the thread and totally agree with Madame O re being happy in own skin and that exudes confidence and attracts confidence and so on in virtuous circle.
Even my therapist says so!
Just as everyone here has rejected dates because there was something non-negotiable or went for a date and there was no obvious spark so men must do the same to us?
Thinking about my past, I can say different boyfriends brought out different parts of me - some were more to the fore, other bits receded. Impossible for everything to match up on a computer and impossible to second or third guess.
I had interesting conversation with Mr Mutual and got some answers. We are going to have serious email conversation tomorrow evening, which I think will be instructive.
I've decided that for me he may be shag possibility at least. And am having fun messaging someone who I have no intention of doing anything more than having a drink with. Sorry Mr X on OKCupid, you are my experiment for the moment

Hey snape You are aware that you will probably be the only one in a frock and heels?? My sister is gay and any nights out with her and her friends they all wear flat shoes, jeans and tee shirts ...

The green is fab!

I like the red one!

kirsty I am absolutely aware I will be theonly one in a dress. that's my stategy!

years ago in a gay club with friends, I wore a dress and was continually hit on by lovely lesbians 'it's so nice to see someone looking feminine!' 'yes. that's because. I'm straight.'

I like both the green and the red yes I'm awkward.

I have been talking to colleagues about the ball next week (work do) and feel some vague flutterings of enthusiasm about that and getting to wear my princessy dress. Not brilliant, not even good, but a bit better :)

The spark thing...I think in general both people (unless they have absolutely no emotional intelligence) know if there was a spark or not. On every date bar 1 I've had this year, there very clearly was a spark. Which is what makes the resultant nothingness more frustrating. All the men I've dated this year very clearly found me extremely attractive (as they should of course) the only exception was the Barbour and given all the stuff he later texted me, I think it's fair to assume he did too.

Snape, the green dress is gorgeous! I know it's a very frustrating situation with PM but I love hearing about your ongoing story, I'm with the other ladies, i'm sure you will end up together..
Sponge, I have no advice but wanted to say how lovely I think you are (in a non-lesbian way!)
Mr Bully is no more, glad my twat radar is in good working order!
Older man however...we had a chat, ended up flirting and might have suggested a fwb situation. I'm up for that but is it really fair knowing he is getting emotionally attached? Also, when do you actually get the chance to do the deed? My kids never see their dad, no babysitters so don't really get the chance to go out. If I did manage to find the time, where is best/safest, my house or his? Why oh why does it all have to be such hard work, isn't it supposed to be fun?

Tess - I am in the same situation as I have two primary school aged (just!) children who have no contact with ex. I have three possibilities for babysitters so as long as I can find a tenner, I can usually go out. I asked neighbours who have suitably-aged children and they are all happy to come round and sit and watch TV for a few hours every couple of weeks. Well worth investing a bit of time to get something set up.

Personally, I would prefer to go to his house so that a) there are no accidental interactions with my children before I'm ready for that b) I know he's not married/in a long-term relationship c) if God forbid anything did go horribly wrong and he was a total psycho nutter my children wouldn't be in any danger (vvvv remote possibility of course) d) I can have a nosy at his books and CDs and e) I don't have to tidy up! It's a good idea of course to let someone know where you are.

Seeing him is supposed to be fun, the logistics can be a bit tricky!

Thanks WW, my dc are primary school age too. Their dad left in such a way that he may as well have disappeared into thin air, now my dc have anxiety issues thinking I am going to do the same so will not stay with anyone else.
With regards to where, I was thinking exactly the same thing, his place. He knows there is no way he will be meeting my dc yet, if at all.
It's been so long since I had some 'fun' and time to be me.

Snape - love the green dress. Also, I'm pretty sure you'd have to be wearing this to pull off demure!

Tess I think I am about where you are at too - am in desperate need of something (someone?) just for me and time for me to have some fun! It's taken a long time for me to get here but I am going to enjoy it now I am. Tell us more about your potential fwb man . . .

I know I need to stop thinking about all this, but some of my dates (this most recent one included) have asked me why I'm interested in them, in the sense of why would I be? - when my job is X, and theirs is only Y, when I live in my nice house, and they only rent or own a flat/live with family, and so on....I have always said material things don't matter ( they don't to me - what a person IS is meatters mre than what they have or do) ubt I wonder if it's the same for men...maybe not.

matters more

Sponge - that's an interesting one. I think they ask because most people, me included, are more comfortable with people who are in a similar situation to themselves - emotionally, financially, job and housing, background etc. There's been a lot of research that shows that people with similar backgrounds and values tend to have more successful relationships. So I think there's probably some of that going on subconsciously.

Why do you think you gravitate towards people with situations that a lot of people would see as less successful than yours? (I know there are different measures of success but in this society they do tend to be based on finance and material trappings such as houses). Is there something about a financially stable, professionally successful, house- and car-owning man that puts you off? I am not sure I would be happy dating someone who earns a lot less than I do, or who lives with friends/parents or suchlike. Tbh, for me a long-term future would be difficult with someone where there was such disparity and there would be a lot of problems getting serious/moving in together etc. I wouldn't like to have to take on all the financial responsibility and would want my partner to be in a position to make an equal contribution. So maybe some of these guys perceive it as a meeting of unequals and that's why they ask. Or maybe they're just fishing for compliments . . .

Sponge, I do Think there is something in that actually. If there is a huge difference It's going to be a bit of the elephant in the room...maybe?

And. Tbh, why would you want a relationship with someone who brings nothing to the relationship? It was the main reason I dumped mrl. Lived at home, didn't drive, lame job that he should have progressed from ( but has no Desire to, because, and I quote ' It's easy to get to and the canteen does good food) it was massively unequal. And you can't ignore that for very long.

Maybe its worth thinking about the realities of what you want in a relationship? And going from there in the future?