Gah. I wrote a long post and then my laptop restarted. Bloody updates!
It was basically saying that Scatty makes a good point re men just after a one-night stand and lacking the balls to be honest about it.
They probably aren't interested in a relationship, so they don't bother to look beyond the facade of an attractive woman who's up for sex. Even the ones who are not immediately after a shag have a their own issues going on. It's been interesting to have dates where the men obviously found me attractive to look at (or so they said) but I didn't have what they were looking for in a partner. Bruising to the ego as that was, I can't ultimately take it personally. People are complex creatures and everyone's needs are different when you get down to it.
Sure you have the basic needs but some men want to be mothered, some men want someone independent, some men want quiet types, some men want loud, some want intellectual, some are happier with the opposite. There are a million different characteristics and combinations that men look for, and many of those will be unconscious, due to social conditioning or whatever.
We cannot tell what they are and we cannot beat ourselves up because we haven't possessed the peculiar appeal to warrant a second date. It's not us.
It's true I have a slightly different perspective, having been in an abusive relationship for several years, I think that years of singledom is not actually that bad in comparison, but then I've had to build my self-esteem back up from nothing so I would think that.
Sponge it probably wont help to say that you've probably been spared a lot of very dull second dates and average sex, but it's probably true. You won't believe how much perceptions can change between the first and second. Once Pottery Boy and I had agreed to be friends and I met him a couple of times socially, I was very glad he hadn't wanted to take things further.