Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

Moving- honestly you need to bin him off. He's a user and a manipulator. I'd rather be without any man at all than one who thought I'd come running every time he clicked his fingers.

I don't have the fear about relationships. Which is unfortunate given that out of everyone I seem to have the least chance of ever finding one! Maybe that's why, you can't be scared of something that's almost never going to happen :)

snape's right - letting your guard down for the chance of something real is very scary, especially when you've been hurt before. And I'm guessing pretty much all of us have found our way here, to this thread on this message board, because we've been hurt and let down before. But I'm still placing my money on that something being out there somewhere, and ultimately worth the risk.

Meanwhile, I asked the Frenchman to explain a bit more about his arrangements and it seems they've only been doing this for a couple of months. He had said "last June" which i took to mean 2011 but from his latest email it sounds like it's only been since this June. He said one or the other of them was away most of the summer and it's only just getting tricky now and he is thinking about getting his own place. On the one hand that makes a little more sense to me. On the other hand it means he's only been separated a few months and there are clearly still issues to resolve with his ex so I'm not sure I actually feel any better about the whole thing.

He also said he had a great time with me but he totally understands if I don't want to have anything to do with him. He's given me an out and I'm kind of tempted to just take it...

So . . . who's out dating tonight??

Not dating tonight but I met a rather lovely chap while queueing for an iphone 5 today. We're going to go for coffee soon :o and yeah I'm on the rebound but meh, might as well get that bit over and done with...

Good for you Lubey! :o

Tonight i have a hot date with an ironing board and the US series of The Killing.

Trying to decide how to reply to the Frenchman. Pro - he's smart & funny (& French), he cooks & makes muffins, nice guy, could have a laugh. Con - not really attracted to him and don't really want to be caught in the middle of whatever is still going on with his XW. The thing is, I have the whole weekend to myself - kids not back til Monday. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take much encouragement to get a second date with him tomorrow or Sunday but staying in, cooking for myself and watching some rubbish telly is actually more tempting. So I kind of know the answer, I'm just putting it off.

lubey - well done getting a date with iphone man!

I am preparing for a birthday party tomorrow morning - 11 small girls for two hours at home. Need to finish cake and do pass the parcel and make a treasure hunt and sort out tunes in iPod for musical games and try not to stress... Etc etc

Tomorrow later on I get to see Mr Nice who continues to be Nice :) haven't seen him for over a week which is Much Too Long

Hmmm yoga- a friend of mine went out with a chap in a similar situation for over a year. Very good looking, charming, showered with affection- just a shame he was still living with his ex.....She tried and tried to hold back, but pretty tricky when Mr Gorgeous was calling up telling her he loved her all the time. Then, finally, he did move out of the marital home......and promptly got together with a 22-year old student. .

On the basis of that, I would say anyone still living with their ex is not, genuinely, emotionally freed up to start another relationship.

Down these parts, I am celebrating popping my post-DS cherry (2.5 years!!), and thinking I may, genuinely, have met a stable, considerate, loving grown up. Who is really into me. .I'm not used to meeting nice men who care about me- this is really a turn up for the books! I really hope I'm not speaking too soon, and won't be back in a couple of weeks moaning and wailing, but....at the moment it feels really comfortable and happy and we're getting on better and better! (although won't see each other for over a week, as I've got to go up to London etc.etc...)

stubborn lovely! Revelling in your (hopeful-maybe-too-soon-to-say) success! :D

So am taking on board all the comments (which is what i already knew deep down)

Also your not going to believe this, mr workaholic (not sure if anyone remembers) who I have not spoke to for 3 months sent me his new number by text a few days ago and tonight requested me as a friend on Facebook! Well I'm not going to reply and if he calls I think I will just put the phone down! As clearly I am too likely I get into crap conversations with these guys to let them get back in my life in some form

Also my sisters next door neighbour has also requested me as a friend in Facebook and sent me a highly intelligent message of ' hay babe u ok xx' hmm nearly as intelligent as the guys on Pof!

I do feel like I would like to maybe meet up with him, but from the lack of effort on his part and him messing me around I think I will have to pass!

But should I accept his friends request? And reply to his message in a brush off fashion?

Oh yes, and I've been thinking about you too snape (sinister leer...) Although I don't get round to posting that often, everybody's stories do tick around in my head-often while I'm doing the washing up!

I hope I haven't missed any major updates on you and PM over the last couple of days, but I keep wanting to tell you how I got together with an ex of mine. Fancied a friend for about 6 months. He was always very keen to see lots of me, but that was about as far as it went. Come Valentine's Day, I hand-painted him a beautiful little card, and stuck it to the ladder of his boat (where he lived). After not actually SEEING it for a couple of days, he came round and said "thanks", and gave me a lovely little Valentine's Day gift himself......then nothing. After a few days I actually plucked up the courage to ask him if he was into me, and he said "no, no, not into another relationship, still getting over my ex, etc.etc." .

Then....3 months later, he engineered a "stuck-in-the-boat-at-anchor-with-copious-quantities-of-wine" situation....and we got it on! And were together for 18 months.

Which goes to show that you never do know...

Ooh stubborn - how exciting!

Miranda hope the party goes well (but have a large glass of wine handy for when it's over!).

Well I finally replied to frenchman - said I thought he was lovely & enjoyed his company but was wary of pursuing anything more seeing as it seemed he still had some stuff to work out. He texted me to say he completely understood and just wished he had kissed me when he had the chance. Sigh...that was nice to hear but still feels like the right decision.

So I think I will be firmly on the sofa for a while. OKC profile is hidden. GS is still ticking over but not taking much interest. I am looking forward to nurturing my relationship with my telly.

Snape, your artwork and notes are nothing short of beautiful. If someone made that for me I'd be theirs forever.

One of the many things I've leaned from this thread is radio silence! Periodically I have texted my ex when drunk. Nothing too soppy but at the same time, I initiated contact. Thing is I wasn't sure why I was doing it either. He would never contact me.
So after reading this thread I decided to start radio silence about 2 weeks ago. No contact. Initially it was quite hard but it started to get surprisingly easy. I expected to hear nothing.
Low and behold last Monday I got a text asking if I had forgotten my old rusty bike at his and whether I could pick it up. I did reply saying if he left it outside his house it will get picked up. Since then he has been texting asking if Im seeing anyone, if I wanted to Have coffee when I picked the bike up. I've ignored the lot. He is a cruel and manipulative twat.
Watch, how is the teacher?
I could do fwb.....just need to find one and that's easier said than done.
Sponge.. Some of the people I work with drive me mad. They gaslight, they rewrite history, they use sarcasm and bullying and they bitch. I try to keep my head down.
No dating for me. Couple of messages that were just plain strange.
Yoga...the tv and ironing combo is so more attractive than potatoing.

Tonight I have a hot date with Matt Smith and a small bottle of Rioja (although I'm still lusting after him ...thanks Snape )

Anyone have an actual date?

I did have a date but had to cancel/postpone as I have a hideous cold and thought a hacking cough and a face full of snot was not an attractive look!

I am also waiting on a call from a gorgeous POF guy I met 2 weeks ago, who went off the radar (hence I planned another date) but has come back this week with a plausible work-related excuse and promised to contact me this weekend.

Matt Smith and the bottle of Rioja are two timing you yoga :)

I will also be tediously copying out Shakespeare into the 'notebook of LURVE' and attempting to paint river song.

I have the hangover from hell.

I also snogged a 21 year old at our work party last night thankfully at the end of the evening so no-one knew about it .

He's actually rather lovely. Just a shame he's not 10-15 years older...

Hello...is it ok to join in? Split from Ex a while back (things had been pretty awful, mumsnet was amazing, I've name changed just in case!), divorce almost finalised, and beginning to feel as though it might be nice to go on a few dates, see what happens.

Not sure where to start with internet dating. Bit daunting, and have been reading through this thread for advice.

Have had several very strange approaches from strange men in the street since finally taking wedding ring off a couple of months ago. I'm a perfectly ordinary looking middle aged woman, not remotely stunning or glamourous . All a bit odd. Left wondering if they have had previous success with approaching women and saying 'Hey baby, it's your lucky day, can I take you out tonight?' At the time, I was wearing no make up, jeans, converse and a baggy jumper, and carrying two very heavy sainsburys bags....clearly irresistable.

On the plus side...last week a man I know through work asked if I'd like to meet for a drink and a chat next week. Have known him for a while, seems v nice, always a bit of chemistry there between us I think (which I've never encouraged, I'm rubbish at flirting). Am trying to be casual about it and see it as just a coffee and a chat and nothing more (it could be work related, actually,because he works in a similar field and I could be reading a whole load more into this than is intended!) Have no idea how to read signs. Am so very out of practice, haven't been single for nearly twenty years!

Wow NewJamJars, you're doing well if you're picking up men on the street and lovely work colleagues! Don't think you need any advice.

As for dating sites, people have said some harsh things about POF but I've found that the men I've met on there have all been really nice and normal, I think its about being picky. I hide my profile and just contact the ones I like the look of, you do have to be a bit more 'forward' by making the first move, but you can just send a 'flirt' to let them know you're interested and you can tell a lot by their response. Saves you getting loads of unsuitable men sending messages, as you don't show up on the searches.

I've also found that its better to just bite the bullet and meet up with them as soon as possible, don't spend ages sending messages as a) you use up things you can talk about before you get to meet them! and b) you can build them up into something special by 'connecting' with lots of messages, but when you meet them there's no chemistry, so best just get face to face asap and rule them in or out.

I'm dreadful for getting in too deep too quickly and thinking about the future with someone after just one date, so probably safest to try and keep perspective and think of it as meeting a new friend rather than a potential partner. Easier said than done, but it calms me down to think of it that way - a bit like your coffee meeting with the work guy!

It takes some getting used to being single again (14 years for me) but its actually really good fun and my married friends are a bit envious that I'm out meeting new blokes and having the butterflies and the excitement!

Oops

Hi Jam and welcome :)

You don't seem to have a problem attracting men but if you have any questions or are unsure about anything then this is a good place to come and ask.

I'm currently sofa surfing and trying to sort my life out, although I do have a profile on OKCupid, another free site that you may wish to check out.

sponge nothing wrong with snogging a 21yr old

yoga ???

I might have accidentally found myself emailing filth to Mr60 all afternoon...

Nothing wrong with a bit of filth

Just be careful and take care of yourself though

Yoga if it's making you happy then don't worry.

Sponge, exactly what Chaotic said.

Hi Jam, welcome.