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Original poster

Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

999 replies

ChaoticismyLife · 11/09/2012 15:10

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers Grin

Tell us more...

OP posts:
hatesponge · 20/09/2012 11:43

it must just be me then :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 20/09/2012 11:45

Nope. Me too.

mercury7 · 20/09/2012 11:46

I agree FWB is tricky, in some ways a contradictory set up.

I've been seeing this bloke for over a year, he's out of the country quite alot with his work and has various other commitments, he seems to go out of his way to fit me in when he's free and in the UK.
(of course it might be all lies Confused )

He appears to just want a regular partner for sex without the demands of a relationship..pretty much what I want.
I do find it a bit difficult keeping my feelings in check

OhWesternWind · 20/09/2012 12:31

I do like the idea of FWB in theory but I know it wouldn't work for me as although good sex is a great thing, good sex in a loving relationship is much much more. It must be so difficult to stop getting involved emotionally with someone you're seeing regularly, sharing intimate things with - how do you do this?

lubeybooby · 20/09/2012 12:56

I just meant that they are out there.... somewhere! It's all getting a bit hazy now because my fwb's were found years ago but I remember being very direct about what I wanted. Namely to go out and have a good time and have great sex as well but with no commitment. Also one of them is an ex who all my feelings for genuinely vanished, so it works well from the 'not getting attached' POV.

mercury7 · 20/09/2012 13:05

ohwestern I dont enjoy being in a relationship, too suffocating, I'm too much of a loner, for me fwb is the best option for sex.

I also have an fwb arrangement with an ex, fell out of love with him years ago but still good friends and the sex works.

the other fwb has only ever been fwb

Yogagirl17 · 20/09/2012 13:31

I agree the FWB thing can be tricky. I tried it for a while not long after I split from my XH. It was a great way to move on from an 18 year relationship and a good confidence booster with no pressure. But after a while he lost interest in the "friends" bit so even though I genuinely did not care what else he was doing (or who else he was doing!) I did lose interest in occasionally just fucking someone who I couldn't also have a conversation or a drink with.
plus he had a really small cock so the sex wasn't even that briliant! Grin

In the long run I think I definitely want a real relationship though, even if it's a relationship that involves both parties keeping some space for themselves.

Meanwhile, XH just back from a long trip abroad. Brought back loads of pressies for the kids...and for me as well. Hmm He was always a stickler for having to bring back presents for everyone but really wish he hadn't bothered! (Except for the stolen shower caps from the hotel room - I love those). Moron.

mercury7 · 20/09/2012 13:50

I've ended 3 other fwb arrangements because the sex wasnt working for me.

The men involved didnt really seem to 'get' that, because I only wanted sex the sex would need to be really good or there was just nothing in it for me.

I gave them a bit of a chance to improve but when it became clear that all they could offer was the occasional quickie I lost interest and dropped them.

I recently (trying to be polite) told a guy that our arrangement just didnt work for me, he said no problem, you've got my number if you change your mind.

wtf..when hell freezes over..rather have no sex than a disappointing quickie!

snapespeare · 20/09/2012 19:22

Had lovely day at conference I spoke at, but had to go and hide in the toilets for 20 minutes for a bit of a weep, because I'm not used to people being appreciative in real life. Single parents just tend to get on with stuff with little expectation of thanks & when people are nice, or recognise my general brilliance, I can get a bit teary. :-) met another nice single parent, we're going to set up an industry wide single parent support group to promote understanding & define 'family-friendly' policies as being particularly pertinent to staff with children who may not have a lot of real-life support, so cannot drop everything & swan off on an overnight... also hopefully to inspire other SPs to progress to a senior level.

Lots of filthy texts from the prof during the day Blush which passed the time nicely..

MadameOvary · 20/09/2012 21:09

Go Snape! That's brilliant Smile

Lueji · 20/09/2012 21:15

Good one Snape. Glad it went well.

That is a good idea too.
Particularly when the single parent doesn't have support from the other parent.

I bet that instead of imagining the audience naked with black socks, you had Prof. in mind. Wink

OhWesternWind · 20/09/2012 21:51

Great idea Snape! I am the only SP at my level or above at work - there was a widower with children as one of the directors but he left recently. In fact, I can't think of any other single parents in my section at all - it is quite male-orientated though so maybe that makes a difference.

Nice chat again tonight with the optician, one possible and two non-offensive potatoes on pof plus a couple of regulars I am keeping dangling . . . Meeting him on Sunday which I hope will be fun! He actually lives nearer to me than I thought, "my" side of his town if you see what I mean, so only fifteen/twenty minutes' drive - handy . . . See, I'm getting a bit ahead of myself now, not good, but easily done!

fayster · 20/09/2012 21:52

Glad it went well, Snape. I'm a bit sad that you don't hear people say nice things about you often enough, though. You're clearly very talented artistically, and very good at what you do if you're speaking at conferences.

Are people lining up dates for the weekend yet? I'm having a rest for a week or two, so need to live vicariously through you all.

snapespeare · 20/09/2012 22:04

tonight's notebook a quicky - the last verse of one of his favourite poems, 'the cinnamon peeler'.

I tend to brush off compliments, although I have learned to accept them generously and change the subject smartish. I'm quite unassuming. :)

hatesponge · 20/09/2012 22:22

Well done re conference, Snape, and the LP plan as well :)

Law doesn't do single mothers terribly well - you can be a single childless woman, or a single, see the kids for a few hours every other weekend, father but that's all. Like most other aspects of my life I don't fit in...

I am feeling v negative towards work today as yet again have been backstabbed, 3 times in fact, by one of my team, one of my peers, and someone from another team Angry. Without going into the gory details, team member and peer have colluded to 'expose' something I havent done (but had in hand) to my manager, who hands me a list of it all Hmm and other person, unknown as yet but I have my suspicions, has claimed to my manager that I have shouted down the phone at a caller, and then screamed and sworn at one of my team. This is all UTTER BS. But reminds me that I have no true friends at work, and as my dad (who died 15 years ago today) would have said, I should never think the best of people and remember most (in the workplace at least) are utter shitbags til proven otherwise.

snapespeare · 20/09/2012 22:26

Oh sponge. Love for your dad, a difficult day that makes everything else just a little harder to bear. Thoughts with you. :) x!

OhWesternWind · 20/09/2012 22:41

Sponge (((hugs))) and hope you have had some good memories of happy times with your dad in amongst the sadness today. My dad died twenty years ago next March and I seem to miss him more, not less, as I get older.

hatesponge · 20/09/2012 22:56

Thanks you two, I'm actually not feeling too sad (still too busy fuming about work) but also because I know I'm very lucky, I have loads of good memories of my dad and had an amazing childhood. He is my complete hero and the man every man I meet has to try (and always fails) to live up to :) I amuse myself sometimes by thinking about what my dads opinion would have been on certain men I've dated. Generally bad, I think it would be safe to say Grin

KirstyWirsty · 21/09/2012 07:54

I had a nice time last night and really enjoyed the kissing but I'm not going to go out with him again.. I have alarm bells from lots of stories about 'thinking I on my feet' and 'coming up with a story'. I've just got shot of one liar. Someone on here said if you listen people will tell you what they are like.. What good advice!!

He describes himself as 'a cad' not what I consider a good quality

He was also laying on pressure a bit thickly to sleep with him the next time i see him ..now how do I break the news given he works beside me???

NicholasTeakozy · 21/09/2012 09:56

You could say something like "you're a nice bloke but they're no chemistry on my side. Plus you pressuring me into shagging you and describing yourself as a cad are massive red flags ".

Movingforward123 · 21/09/2012 10:32

Hi I'm just wondering if I can get done advice on my fwb situation. I have mentioned him a few times before but will give the background incase anyone doesn't know.

So I met him 9 years ago, got on well were seeing each other for a little while and sleeping together, I then met someone else and got in a committed relationship with him! Fwb has always stayed in contact by email and then Facebook, and sometimes by phone, but new I was with someone! But anytime I broke up with exp, fwb was always around as a friend or more if I wanted more. I have now been single for 2 years but fwb is in a relationship! Since I have been single he has been more pushy and keeping in contact and we have been sleeping together regularly!

Also during these two years I have been though a lot in my personal life and having fwb seemed like a better option then sleeping with random men (which I did a bit but hated)

Anyway now I havnt slept with him throughout the whole summer as he pissed me off! Now he is being really pushy again and speaking to me nearly everyday and wants to meet up!

I would love to meet up and feel the need for some action, but I'm concerned that it is possibly damaging for me in some way! Also I know it's unfair that he has a partner but he has actively pursued me for the past 2 years and actually for the past 9years!

Well i don't know what im expecting by posting here other then move on, but it's hard as he has been in my life for 9 years in one way or another!

OhWesternWind · 21/09/2012 10:48

Moving To be honest, I don't think that sleeping with someone who is in a relationship is ever a good idea. There are a lot of people here, me for one, who have been cheated on and it's a horrible, soul-destroying thing to happen. You know this man is a liar, dishonest, a player, so why give him space in your life?

Maybe looking for a single fwb would be the way to go here, and also someone you are less emotionally involved with too. I've never had a fwb but it would seem to me that for the situation to work, both sides need to be clear what they want from the relationship and it sounds like the boundaries are a bit blurred here.

mercury7 · 21/09/2012 10:53

kirsty or how about, sorry it's just not working for me, i hope you understand..then the ole 'radio silence' treatment

thats tricky moving, i prob would if the sex was good, but i'm amoral and i like to torture myself

mercury7 · 21/09/2012 10:57

i dont seee a problem with maintaining concurrent relationships as long as everyone is discrete...i've done it alot and never been found out, it's not all that hard..praps im just mildly sociopathic?

KirstyWirsty · 21/09/2012 10:59

The problem is Nicholas there is HEAPS of chemistry ... which is what makes it such a shame that the red bunting was flying at full mast Hmm

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