Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

[ChaoticismyLife]

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers

Tell us more...

Hmm, the red flag for me isn't so much that I think he's still with his wife and trying to cheat on her (although I concede that is one possibility). He talked pretty easily about his kids and the effect the "separation" has had on them, worried about his teenage daughter doing the kind of silly things teenage girls might do if he's not looking after her etc.. and to be honest, he doesn't seem slick enough for that to have all been a string of lies.

The red flag for me is that he doesn't have his act together enough to get himself a place. I don't want someone who needs taking care of/told what to do etc....?

Or am I just being silly and missing the more important point that he might just be trying to cheat on his wife?

Oops Snape, x-posts.

Re PM - tell him he needs your expertise to explore said bed-related activities. Or, just keep hitting your head on the table. Sorry, don't mean to tease, I know it's an impossible situation.

Yes, probably worth another date. He hasn't asked yet but he has emailed to say what good time he had this morning. I suspect he is just waiting to hear my reaction. I'm stalling a little. I sent him a brief text to say I had a good time but was running around busy and would reply properly later.

Ooh, Yoga, I'd be wary. Yes, it's possible he's not actually as separated as he's telling you, but even if he is, he hasn't got a place of his own because he doesn't credit his ex with the ability to care for her own children?

Sounds like a crap excuse to me, sorry.

Yeah, none of the possibilities are great. Worst case scenario is he's still with his ex and lying to me. But even the others don't exactly fill me with hope - he doesn't credit his ex with being able to look after her own kids/he's not moving out just to spite his ex/he simply can't get his act together enough to find and furnish a place... the list could go on but honestly, other than simply not being able to afford two rents/mortgages I can't think of a single decent reason to be in that situation.

Thing is... And we all know this, unless you have wods of cash, when a family separates, you have the same amount of money, but seperate households and if there is the possibility of the non resident parent having (at least one) room for the DCs, then it is difficult. Luckily my ex managed to form a relationship of sorts, it's over now with someone ridiculously loaded (...) so space wasn't an issue. But I wouldn't want DCs visiting him in a bedsit or some such. It's particularly difficult if things have just run their course and there isn't anyone else involved. If it's all true, then. I don't envy his situation.

--plus he bakes muffins__

Underline fail.

That's very true, Snape, and I'd see a man who got on well enough with his ex to do that successfully in a good light. Particularly a man who also bakes. I'm worried about the reason he gave, though. The only way to get to the bottom of it is to see him again and ask more questions.

I agree it doesn't sound great yogagirl but when XH and I separated, only the fact that we were renting and so I could get housing benefit when he left made it possible for him to move out. If we still had owned a house, there wouldn't have been enough money to do it as there wouldn't have been enough money between us to have paid a mortgage and for XH to have rented somewhere.

the doctors wife

Yes! See him again.

Yoga what a shame about frenchman, it's a tricky one.

Snape you should do commission pieces, lots of people would love a book like that and your art work is fantastic!

Had a morning of coffee sex with older man/fwb today Meeting him next week for proper coffee (as in at a cafe) and then possibly more coffee sex later on next week. I will be exhausted at this rate!!

I am a bit wary of fwb just being fwb. It's all very well getting my bumps felt and it's not all about the sex when I actually shag the prof, but I'd like... The cinema or... Dinner or something. As it is the last couple of timesi've seen him its been kit off, swap bodily fluids. It's all a bit weird really.

Oh no one could afford a book like this. This will take up every spare moment for the next month, I can't price that.. I'm only doing this extreme because i am utterly into someone and I know what he likes... Really couldn't do it for anyone else, there's too much of me in it ( but thank you. X!) :)

Ahhh Snape you've burst my bubble, I want someone to do me a book like that! PM is very lucky

I've never had a fwb before, but we do plan on doing other stuff. He is very keen on going out for meals etc, but to me that is more like dating...which I suppose in a way we are. It can be very confusing. I think for me, i'm enjoying just having something for me where I am not mummy. A bit like finding myself if that makes sense.

Hmmm snape but he didn't say the arrangement was for financial reasons (which I could understand), it kind of sounded like he didn't want to relinquish territory to her (which means there is also still an ongoing battle there which i do not want to be in the middle of) and also a bit like he couldn't quite figure out a way forward.

Eek, Yoga avoid! Do you really want to get caught up in the emotional fallout? I do have a particular perspective as my ex was still living in the marital home when we met. I was so mental naive that I thought the fact that his wife was cool with it was great. As it was he was manipulating the whole situation and while their relationship was non-sexual, (big house, seperate floors) they invited me to stay a night and it was only later I found out that he'd emotionally blackmailed her into it. Poor woman and his poor kids. I can't believe I thought it was ok.
Anyway, point is emotions could be running very high, so watch yourself. x

Lubey so sorry I know how it feels to have to work out for yourself what's happened. (((hugs)))
May I suggest Youtubing "Still I rise" by Maya Angelou?

Snape am not remotely surprised to hear the Prof is going straight for the snagging. Tell him to get himself a blow-up doll next time
Sorry, tell me to piss off but I have never liked him. I know he was just a distraction but charmers like that get lazy very quickly and can make you feel cheap and used. I know you're an adult and all that but it sounds like the fun is about to run out, and you are too lovely to just give away even just in kinky fuckery

Meh, having slept on it, I'd rather go to dinner or the cinema with PM. The prof isn't a relationship, it's an arrangement. I would only feel 'cheap & used' if I let myself feel like that - and I don't. If I ever do, obviously I'll have a stern word with myself and then stop. As it is, he (ahem!) fills a gap.

I'm speaking at a big conference today. lovely text from the prof wishing good luck and bigging-me-up, which is lovely.

yoga. Yes, i'd iron that out - if he sees territory as a battle or winning then he'll have interesting issues around his ex...

Oh I love me a bit of maya Angelou. :)

MadameO- listened to the Maya Angelou poem - amazing. Loved it.

Snape - good luck at your conference!

Good luck snape :)

Yoga, sorry about the Frenchman, best decision to avoid I Think....

Lubey, sorry to you too. People are rarely who we think they are, It's sad. I hope he replies soon and you get your stuff back.

I have a 7 year old DD - how did she get to be 7? Is a bit of an almost bitter sweet birthday as was day before DSs 7th birthday that I found out about XHs affair (was and still am slightly amazed at how I got through that) but no nasty things with this 7th birthday.

Would have thought XH might have called this morning (he is coming round after school but I'd have thought he'd have liked to say happy birthday to her?) she didn't seem to notice or mind so won't worry about it.

Yoga if it isn't for financial reasons that French man is still in the same house as (X)W I think it might get a bit complicated. I occasionally get a little stressed about the fact that Mr Nice has to occasioanlly communicate with his XW and she lives hundreds of miles away. In the same house would be much too near.

Date confirmed for 6:30 tonight :-)

Have hardly slept a wink all week - hope I can stay awake!

Hope you stay awake Kirsty

I am a bit wary of fwb just being fwb.
I much prefer just fwb, infact with my current squeeze I've taken to answering the door in my underwear, prompting him to get straight down to business instead of wasting time on all the 'how've you been' small talk.

really I have no interest in any dinner and cinema type stuff...men have only one use and if I come across an especially accomplished one I like to make the most of him :o

I'm not convinced by this whole FWB thing, I've never met a man who actually wanted to be a FWB. The only men I meet whilst they might make out they want an arrangement like that, really they just want one-offs here and there with different women.

Or maybe it's just me?...!

I've had a few FWBs in my time sponge. I still have one on the backburner whose attentions may be required again soon given that I'm single again.

Hmmm I might actually look for another too and see what happens... if I find online dating making me depressed and despairing again though, I'm sooo outta there!

I can't be arsed to write a profile but I do kind of want to dip a toe back in....