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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Huffy, illiterate men, scared of peas, it's a weird, weird dating world (No22)

999 replies

ChaoticismyLife · 11/09/2012 15:10

Oh, watch...you mentioned flowers Grin

Tell us more...

OP posts:
snapespeare · 19/09/2012 10:36

oh sonnet 130 is my favourite -it's my party-piece (i obviously go to awesome shakespeare-quoting parties, which basically means PM and I sit in the pub and endlessly bore each other senseless with Shakespeare...)

I've got a coffee date with a hottie! and her DD! Wink

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 10:37

yoga!!!!

je suis excité par procuration

Movingforward123 · 19/09/2012 11:14

lubey sorry to hear that it's all gone the wrong way, it seems like he is trying to lead you on a bit, but back off at the same time! And it sounds to me like he was basically saying he wanted you to get him a birthday present Confused very odd! How long have you been seeing each other?

Movingforward123 · 19/09/2012 11:15

yogagirl Grin at you doing something terrible to your hair for no good reason! Sends like something I would do Smile good luck Wink

NicholasTeakozy · 19/09/2012 12:24

Have a great date Yoga and don't worry about your hair, he probably won't notice.

Snape, you're bloody good at the art lark. Wow.

MadameOvary · 19/09/2012 12:38

Snape those artworks are excellent, so much heart and soul in them, as well as skill.

lubeybooby · 19/09/2012 12:40

Thanks all

Movingforward it had been 7 months.

Basically in a nutshell what's happened re: the birthday pressie conversation is my slow and tortuous humiliation and his total fuckwittery.

I thought he was thinking about stuff, making use of the space to think. I had very eloquently and carefully put my side across, so I presumed he was thinking about what I'd said and I was expecting some sort of answer at some point.

His birthday arrived, and I said I'd like to be doing something nice or getting something but couldn't while I'm still in the dark. Meaning, if everything is going to be ok, then I'd arrange something.

However it became clear we were having two different conversations. He was pleased I was speaking to him, because in his mind I was dumped and appearing to be cool with it.

In my mind, I wasn't fully dumped yet. He had neglected to tell me that bit and obviously just presumed I'd got the idea. I hadn't.

Until we had that conversation and the realisation hit me of the above situation.

Working it out yourself has to officially be the most humiliating way to be dumped ever! FGS. I spent most of yesterday in tears, mostly at the humiliation and frustration of it all rather than the break up itself... if that makes sense

I mailed him last night asking him to come over sometime because we have stuff that needs addressing - my stuff, his stuff, and this October thing that I want moved.

No reply even though I sent that at 7pm so he definitely would have got it.

and I'm guessing I won't be getting a reply today either seeing as his corneas will be making a bid for freedom with the eye surgery.

I am really pissed off and angry. He's always been so sensitive and respectful before, always wanting to speak face to face, I never would have thought he was capable of this.

Anyway I'm ok now. I'm not upset anymore... I just want to tie up the loose ends and move the fuck on.

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 13:07

lubey I'm so sorry that this has happened, sounds to me like he panicked and is furiously back-pedaling with no sense of grace or honesty. If someone acts like that, it does give you an indication of what they are truly like, I know its very difficult, but try to welcome this now rather than a year down the line.

Have you collected his stuff up & put it in a bin liner in one place for ease of trashing it collection? Do look after yourself & save any left-over tears for someone who might deserve them. Not him.

On train back after watch-date. I can report cracking tits (really, how anyone ever talks to your face is beyond me...) swishy hair & smashing hugs. DD is a credit as well. Lovely manners, delightful kid! Now I'm going to bunk off go home & write my speech for tomorrow... :)

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/09/2012 13:19

Beat me too it!!!!

I have seen the tattoo!!!!!!!!

Snape, you are lovely. Thanks so much for saying hi. Pm must be blind :)
( your pics dont do you justice, photoshop; my arse!

Don't blame the bunking off...

:)

MirandaWest · 19/09/2012 13:26

Yay for lovely watch/snape date :)

HauntedLittleLunatic · 19/09/2012 13:39

Yay! But the big question...will there be a second date or will one of them be asking how long it is reasonable to wait to be invited on a second date :o

MirandaWest · 19/09/2012 14:10
Grin
HauntedLittleLunatic · 19/09/2012 14:27

Perhaps an even better question to ask is...did watch manage to gain any contact details for PM (covertly or otherwise) so that we can accelerate this relationship...

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 15:05

It's been two hours since she left and she HASN'T texted me yet! .

I thought she really liked me! Sad

Oh well, back to texting filth to the prof

haunted no chance. Stealth! Grin

ChaoticismyLife · 19/09/2012 15:08

Glad the watch/snape date went well.

Grin at second date.

OP posts:
KirstyWirsty · 19/09/2012 15:11

So Mr Cheeky from work .. I have just been leaving him to contact me .. I reply when he texts/emails/messages but I have not instigated any contact

Is this the right tack to take?? I am worried I am doing the wrong thing - haven't heard from him so far today - we are going out tomorrow and I am confident that we will be .. but am worried it could turn into a stand-off if he is thinking that I should contact him.

It's been a long time since I've done all this stuff and it's a bleeding minefield!

Thoughts please?

ScumbagCollegeDropout · 19/09/2012 15:34

Snape Bloody good artwork! I spy a Pikachu tattoo. Awesome! I want a pokeball one.

Lubey I'm sorry to hear that it isn't going well. That sucks arse that you both have stuff of each others Sad

Yoga Hope you date went well!

Western Hope your date with the optician goes excellent.

Kirsty I wouldn't text to make sure about the date if you are confident. With my first ever internet date I arranged it about 3 days beforehand and I had no contact with him until that night as he was there Smile

Thanks guys re: the 90's night. I cannot wait. I have already made sure that the DJ will be playing some Soundgarden and FNM for me Grin

A heavily tattooed bloke has found his way into my matches swoon Will send him a message even though -he is a whole 5 years younger.

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 16:13

:). Pikachu/saint Sebastian (gay icon, known for 'feats of endurance' (geddit?!') Gently mocks religion and allows me to remember a time when my boys still are were obsessed with collecting stuffed pikachus. We still have around 40...they turn up in the oddest places and when I wanted to ensure DS2 would go through years of psychotherapy, I'd leave one on top of the oven. In a frying pan. he's now vegetarian. I made a rod for my back...

Waiting for mr French report.... :)

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 16:14

You go get that heavily tattooed chap scumbag! Wink can you do a search on your site with 'tattooed' as a keyword?

ChaoticismyLife · 19/09/2012 16:26

Serves you right snape Grin

OP posts:
Lueji · 19/09/2012 16:55

Are there already 90's nights? Shock

Feeling olddddddd. Sad

Yogagirl17 · 19/09/2012 17:39

Hello all - sorry not reported back sooner. You can all get your minds out of the gutter (except Snape, that may be asking too much Wink) - I've not spent the afternoon snogging/shagging/getting tattooed, just running around very busy post-date.

Right, so I definitely need some feedback on this one. He was funny, good company, easy to talk to, very devoted dad (which seems to tick a box for me I didn't know i had...). Anyway, so coffee was good and it kind of carried on into a bite to eat. He's got a thing for foreign film (no surprises there) and I could see spending quite an enjoyable evening being educated (NO...still not in the gutter!) about world cinema. But...physically he's really not my type and I'm not sure I'm actually attracted to him. (He didn't smell like cheese but he's very skinny and teeth are quite crooked - whereas with Mr60 I knew within about 10 minutes of meeting that I couldn't wait very long for him to fuck me senseless kiss me)

Oh, also, he still has some kind of weird house-sharing arrangement with his ex-wife. They've been separated over a year now and when doesn't stay in the house he has no real place to go (stays with friends, or near his work). He says it's because he has always been the one who does virtually everything at home (cooks, cleans, drives the kids everywhere) and he's worried the kids will suffer if he moves out. I'm finding this a bit Hmm

Initial thoughts...?

Lubey I told you men are cowards. Sorry. Sad

mercury7 · 19/09/2012 18:34

' They've been separated over a year now' that does sound very, very unusual Yogagirl, for a start 'separated' strictly speaking ( as far as I know) means living apart...?
Hmm Hmm

bochead · 19/09/2012 18:48

red flag - you only have his word for it that "separated" in this context doesn't mean working their way through the Karma Sutra and actively ttc their 5th child.

Yup, I'm cynical but some lines are just too well used. This ones right up there taking equal billing with "My wife doesn't understand me".

snapespeare · 19/09/2012 19:40

Well, I know it's very difficult sometimes for people to manage to maintain seperate households after seperation, particularly when there is a child involved. That said, I would also be wary. The physical aspect might grow... You seem a bit undecided and if you are then it might be worth another date?

Pm: I have two double beds in my hotel room!
Me: you could have sneaked me in! :-(. Have you bounced between the beds yet? Did you try them both? Will you switch beds tomorrow night?
Pm: I shall be exploring all bed related activities!

Nnnnnnnn. Hits head off of kitchen table.

I have to go paint now. :)

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