Wotcha Troll Features. 
I wish that you were a troll. It would at least mean that none of this was happening to you.
Oh my love. You do know that one day this will all be sorted out and you'll be getting on with your life? I imagine at the moment it's really hard to believe that it'll ever end or get any better. You're probably exhausted, your nerves jangled and thoroughly demoralised.
Your h is a bully. He always was. And he has utterly despicable notions about your place in the world. In his mind he married a gorgeous, outgoing, fun loving- I hate to say it- also vulnerable and slightly damaged (only due to what you'd been through) woman to place on his arm and thought kerching! He could neatly catalogue you into his life, you would look good and make him feel good and his life would carry on as normal, only with a beautiful woman to show for his efforts. I think he thought (so wrongly) that he was a brilliant catch for you and you'd be grateful for every little carrot he dangled at you.
I think his true colours came out when you had dc together, though it was probably always there. You suddenly weren't what he'd signed up for and he was a bastard about it all wasn't he? You wanted dd so you get up with her and deal with it all. You've parented her a certain way, therefore anything she does is of your making and you have to deal with it. Oh btw, I'm fucking off on some cricket jolly for a fortnight, byeeeeeee. What, you want me to stay and help? But I thought you wanted dc. I want to watch cricket. I compromised, I gave you my sperm, now stop asking for more, more of me, more money, more more more, you don't deserve it. All hidden behind the odd grand gesture and the front he put on for other people but actually the corrosion of the relationship was a daily thing as he sniped and nitpicked and made comments and generally failed to take part in your marriage in any real way.
He knows your marriage is over. But then he was never invested in it all in the first place and therefore if there's unhappiness and unfulfilment then what's the problem? As long as it all looks alright and you fulfil your end of the bargain and he gets to do what he wants then what's the problem all of a sudden? Because he doesn't care about your feelings. And that's what you're saying has changed. You say 'I don't love you' and it means nothing to him. Because it was never truly about love. It was about convenience and looking good and having a good time. Neither of you have been happy for years and all that love, affection, support stuff hasn't been there either, so why bring it all up now? I suppose in short, why do you get to make such an enormous decision about his life? How dare you? You're going to make him look like a failure. People will know. They'll know he had a failed marriage. That he's a part time Dad. I bet he hates the thought that he put in those years and you are going to undo it all. Like it's some kind of work project that he's lost money on. And this isn't part of the deal. You're supposed to be vulnerable and to do as you're told. And you won't. And you're listening to other people like your friends and your Mum and boy does he hate that.
I know nothing about domestic violence and escalating behaviour beyond knowing that it can happen when you'd never, ever expect it. I'd say that he wouldn't ever go that far from what I know of him and that all of this is a game. He's play acting is my gut feeling, but you know him, truly you do. Do you think there's any substance to his threats? I'm not remotely surprised that he's carping about suicide and his feelings because he's weak and trying to emotionally blackmail you. And of course he needs to paint himself as the victim in all of this because then he never has to admit he caused any of this. You ended the marriage, he's the victim. When he finally accepts it he can tell everybody you callously went on holiday and cooked up a plan. He begged, he cried, he offered you the world, he hit rock bottom, he thought of the dc. You? You were a callous bitch. You wouldn't even fight for your marriage, not even try. You went from happy and invested to 'it's over' and broke him. Of course you've been trying for bloody years and sacrificed so much for him, but he'll never admit it.
My main concern isn't that he's upset. He's not. He's angry and that's very different. It's a good thing in a way I suppose that he's hissing threats at you about ruining the dc's life and that he's exposing them to parts of this that he shouldn't because it just confirms what he is and what he's willing to do in order to control you.
There's little point agreeing to talk or hashing out his feelings or answering his questions (he's not actually interested in what you want). You'll waste valuable energy. Because when he finally accepts it you'll need to manage the dc and when you say to him 'look we need to talk to the dc together' or 'how shall we manage xyz' he'll say well you left me, you deal with it. Or if you need to sort out finances, well he'll remind you that you could have stayed with moneybags and had an easy life or when you need him to have the dc, they'll be your dc, you wanted them, you made your choice.
I really, really don't know what you're supposed to do. A small part of me thinks that if you just continue with the legal process, don't engage with the emotional abuse and keep it to 'it's over' and 'I no longer wish to be married to you', he'll only keep up the farce for so long. He'll one day tell you that he's decided to leave the marriage and he'll withdraw.
Or you could leave, but I don't think you want to? Go to your Mum's? Probably intolerable I know. If he starts crying at you at 3am offer him two choices: does he want a mental health crisis team or his parents? Tell him you're happy to help him if he's truly feeling that awful but not by agreeing to staying in the marriage. So pick an option.
You've made the right choice. You know you have. He's trying to convince you that you haven't. Not because he cherishes and loves you though. Because you made a decision without him and his perfect life is going to be exposed as a sham.
There's a bed here if you need it. Well done on the job. It's all going to be fine. Keep talking. Have a good night.