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Original poster

Gone with the condiments

999 replies

LouP19 · 30/08/2012 21:12

Evening all,... Thank you to whoever came up with this lovely shiney new thread title!! Grin

As for Fedora, well I looked and it certainly wasn't her I saw in the picture!! He did go to Italy though, I saw pictures on his camera of the Bay of Naples, and also a few video clips of boat trips. And that's when I saw one single picture of a young blonde who he called 'Fedora'. 'I took a picture of her as she's very attractive and I wanted to remember what she looked like'. Jeez, I had a bit of a go, but I left that one because I couldn't be arsed to have an argument. This was about 4 days before he left.

Anyway, onto other things. Had one of these evenings where I can't stop my brain from whirling over details from the last few months. Times when I believed him because it meant an easier life. Believing him meant not being called 'paranoid' or insecure' or told to 'grow up'. Believing him meant some peaceful times on my own, not having to put up with him stomping about, resenting the fact that he was here. Believing him the time he claimed he got a 4 1/2 hour train back from London one evening in November when he smelt of aftershave.

Arrrggghhh! I know there's nothing I can do to stop this churning, but I am SO annoyed at myself. There were signs, but I just hoped things would get better. He always complained of being under pressure at work, so I had faith that he was trying his best.

Am so tempted to contact his boss and let him know what he's being doing under the 'guise' of work. Obviously, I wouldn't do it, but it is so tempting,......

Need to remember revenge is a life well lived blah blah!! Confused

OP posts:
MmeDefarge · 02/09/2012 21:15

One thing that jumps out at me from his texts is that he is constantly asking for some kind of guarantee from you before he will put his cards on the table and say he wants you back.

If he was someone worth having surely he would be saying 'I love you. I f*ed up and I will do anything to put things right for you as much as I can - whether you want me back or not.'

He doesn't say that.

Not acknowledging he has an ongoing responsibility to the OW and her child is not a great sign either.

CockBollocks · 02/09/2012 21:17

Can you remember any of it porto, how do you mean?

garlicnuts · 02/09/2012 21:17

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
LouP19 · 02/09/2012 21:18

'One thing that jumps out at me from his texts is that he is constantly asking for some kind of guarantee from you before he will put his cards on the table and say he wants you back'

Yep, I had noticed that. It's all about control. He is so transparent.

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/09/2012 21:22

he understood that the child was important but 'your reluctance to even say anything about how you feel for me says to me that we are over. Am I wrong?

He is a breathtaking piece of work, isn't he? Among his (many) other betrayals, you are left having to decide whether to go through with a longed-for pregnancy because he is with his also-pregnant mistress and you're meant to be tending to his feelings and letting him know how you feel ABOUT HIM?

I'd have been tempted to reply "I'd feel a lot better about you if you'd left the fucking bucket and sponge behind".

He knows he has a better chance of manipulating you if solicitors aren't involved. He's done it before.

50shadesofgreyhair · 02/09/2012 21:28

He doesn't want solicitors involved, but he's already seen your first solicitor!

Portofino · 02/09/2012 21:28

Imho, it is not about control - he is following the standard script. He fucked up - he is trying you out to see if you will take him back. It is classic behaviour. No need to read anything deeper into it.

droves · 02/09/2012 21:29

I'd be tempted to play him at his own game .

By that I mean txt the chunt back , saying how would I know you really mean what you say ? , however if you signed the house over to me then I'd know you really wanted to come home , blah blah bulshit about not knowing if txt his way would be welcome ect ...then get him to sign over and wave bye bye before the ink is dry !

clam · 02/09/2012 21:30

How about a text back saying, "You're unsure of whether we're over or not? Wouldn't you say that clearing the house of every single one of your possessions, plus a fair few of mine, including the fucking teaspoons and a fridgeful of chutney, is a fair indication that you, at least, thought we were over. Shame you didn't have the decency to discuss it with me. So no, I don't believe you love me, and everything you have shown yourself to be in the last few weeks, not to mention the vile way you behaved in the months leading up to that, means that I would rather chew off my own arm than have anything to do with you ever again. Does this make it clearer to you?"

Houseofplain · 02/09/2012 21:31

I think that also. I do actually think he is fishing for coming back. As he knows ow will have to find out. You already know.

It is all about him, but still. He knows he's fucked up.

droves · 02/09/2012 21:31

Is anyone else praying that Ow finds out the real story here and dumps his sorry arse too ?

That would be karma .

MmeDefarge · 02/09/2012 21:31

I'd have been tempted to reply "I'd feel a lot better about you if you'd left the fucking bucket and sponge behind". Grin Tribpot

tuckingfits · 02/09/2012 21:31

Honestly I think that text says it all - it's ALL about him. He hasn't once asked you how you are,how you're coping,nothing. Oh he did ask about the cats,silly me. He has no compassion. Only my thoughts,but genuinely,if he wants you back he should be doing it by some means other than a pissweasel text. What a fucking fud.

Lagartijadoesthecrazyshake · 02/09/2012 21:33

Yes, where are all the Relationship regulars?

Original poster
LouP19 · 02/09/2012 21:33

Also, suppose the OW got pregnant and spent the next few weeks telling him how much she adored him and how she wanted him to be with her. It's fed his ego massively (which is what this is all about). So now he's acting petulantly, 'You're pregnant with my child, ok, but why are you not ALL over me begging me to be with YOU. That is how it should be'.

Of course the OW doesn't know him, I do. Therein lies the difference. Hmm When I get texts like this I feel so relieved.

Oh, just for good measure after his second message I said 'My due date is early April. I feel and look very well which is good news'. And he replied back to say he is glad to hear it. You couldn't make this up. Anyway, that is the only bit of text devilment I engaged in.

OP posts:
droves · 02/09/2012 21:35

On second thoughts , I wouldn't txt him back ...he's not worth the expense of a free txt !

droves · 02/09/2012 21:36

Loup , he's getting desperate .

Portofino · 02/09/2012 21:37

Lou, you really need to ignore him and concentrate on yourself for now.

Original poster
LouP19 · 02/09/2012 21:37

The irony is I do feel and look well. So many people have said it! Must be all those Laughing Cow Triangles or sommat,...... Confused

OP posts:
garlicnuts · 02/09/2012 21:41

To Porto again (sorry, Lou):-

There is a tidy summary of "The Cheat's Script" on a thread somewhere. This isn't it, it's an adaptation of a post by Saffysmum on this thread.

  1. They become very self absorbed, and determined to 'find the happiness they deserve'. They feel they are entitled to this, regardless of the fallout. Before leaving, they often detach themselves from their family. They know they're going, so they leave mentally. They become cruel, distant and cold.
  1. When you accept they want out, they become angry with you. They want to control things. They might want to return at some point if life with Lady Twunt didn't work out. Or to stay with Lady Twunt, and start divorce proceedings when it suits them. They want to carry on having "the happiness they deserve" without reality and divorce petitions bursting his fantasy bubble.
  1. In order to justify their appalling treatment of us, they have to re-write history. We become weak, nagging, a pain to live with. "See!" they cry to all who will listen "she was unbearable - I tried so hard, but she was a nightmare, so demanding...I had do do everything".
  1. They do everything in their power to hold up the divorce. They don't want to return, but they are bloody fuming that they are no longer running the show. "This is all moving too fast" bemoaned Twunt as he ignored yet another solicitor's letter.
  1. They become more and more self centred and obsessed. Twunt started dressing more and more like a member of JLS, complete with fake tan and an admirable collection of L'Oreal for Men products.
  1. They loathe being ignored. Twunts ego was being massaged by Lady Twunt, but she was/is found lacking; he's bloody furious that I am coping and am happier than he is. "How can she be happy! She's not with me - it's impossible" I bet he thinks. So he gets petty and nasty to the kids.
  1. They sulk. Things are not going according to plan. This isn't the way it was meant to work out. THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.
  1. They want sympathy. They tell you that they would like you to 'work on the kids' on their behalf. They act hurt and wounded when you tell them to fuck off.
  1. They are getting really desperate now, so stop caring too much about how they look. They are seen lurking in Tesco's minus fake tan and eye gel. They tell friends they are "coping" but "sad that things have turned out like this...all they wanted was to be happy".
  1. They move house (again) and try to buy the kids with expensive phones. They fall over backwards to offer lifts and even say they will lay on parties for the kids. They feel hurt and wounded when kids tell them to stick their phones.....

That's Saffy's experience, written from her perspective, and projects further into the future than we are with Chunt. I think you've misunderstood the direction of "The Script". It has nothing to do with honestly wanting a reconciliation. It is all about trying to retain control over Lou, OW, and those around them.

clam · 02/09/2012 21:41

Yeah, where the hell is AnyFucker?

garlicnuts · 02/09/2012 21:41

Oops, this thread.

CockBollocks · 02/09/2012 21:42

Good on you Lou dont get drawn in.

People do find sometimes they can go back to ex's that have done awful things once everything has settled and they are able to forge some kind of friendship, then relationship. Not saying you would just pointing out that there is no hurry as far as he is concerned and you should just worry about you right now.

You need to sort yourself, how you feel about the baby, your house & finances and he can trail on at the end when your in a better place emotionally.

lunar1 · 02/09/2012 21:43

I think he is trying to guarantee he doesn't end up alone. He ran to the OW because he was backed into a corner due to the PG. He is now seeing the grass is not greener and thinking that if you keep the baby he will lose OW too.

He is trying to make sure that if you wont have him back it is not his fault. He is trying to paint himself a victim when in fact he is a deluded moron.He really is following some bizarre version of the script.

garlicnuts · 02/09/2012 21:45

You are so on the ball, Lou!

I luffs you Grin