Should I consider quitting my job to become a trophy wife?

[peonylover]

i am having a xmas wedding... and my fiancee just dropped a bombshell. he wants me to give up my job and be a companion to his parents. In return, I will have unlimited access to a "generous monthly allowance"

Some background on me - I work in the advertising industry, but my real passion is finishing my novel, which I am trying to do for the past 6 years. So, in an ideal world, i would be jumping up and down in joy on hearing this proposal.. but I am not. Not loudly, anyway... I just am not very comfortable about this whole proposal....

Fiancee has aged (but mobile) parents who live with him (in his house, which he bought after years of working as a banker) and he wants me to stay at home and make sure they are not lonely. He is very frank about this. I am also sure he has said this because I have been lamenting forever about quitting my job and becoming a full time writer. A Win-win situation, in his own words.

If you have access to a nice income every month WITHOUT WORKING FOR IT, will you take it and give up your currently satisfying job to become a trophy wife?

Agree with pretty much everyone above - listen to your inner warning bell! This would be a terrible move.

Is the gardener male and goodlooking ?

I agree with everyone else - don't do it! I wouldn't live in the same house as my in laws, either.

I wanted to say something about your book, though.

You say you take home about £3,000 per month. If you stop work and write your novel, it could take a year. That means you are willing to spend £36,000 to write this book.

Let's say it gets published and you get £50,000. You'll have to pay tax on that, so you'll get about £33,000 or so.

This means that you have paid £3,000 to publish your book and your fiance has paid £36,000 to publish it (if he's matching your income.)

Can you see there's something wrong with this?

When you travel with your fiance and he's in his meetings and you're in the hotel, why aren't you writing then? Why are you bored? Do you have a laptop? A folder? A pen? What else do you need?

It's all very well saying you've been writing your book for six years, but you've said your fiance is away a lot. Why haven't you been writing it whilst he's away?

Don't daydream about being published. Write the bloody book!

(Oh and I agree that the cleaner will be the first to go if you stop work.)

I don't understand why the parents would need or want the OP for company when they are both fit and healthy and have each other?

When DH and I finally retire and have the house to ourselves again, I couldn't imagine wanting to have my son's fiancee paid to keep me company! Are the parents aware of this "deal" and on-board with it??

Has the OP said how she met her husband or did I miss that?

Better not speculate on here

A trophy is something to be proudly displayed to others as a mark of success, your fiance isn't asking you to give up work to focus on looking beautiful and made up at all times, he's asking you to give up work to keep his parents company during the day. Not much time to write a novel while providing elder care, performing household duties and how depressing, isolating and boring would it be to be stuck at home all day looking at the same two people all the time.

You need to be out in the world living your life, not trapped in a house with future pil. Keep your job and stay in control of your life.

What a lot of nasty and, at times, verging on racist comments (amongst some useful balanced comments as well). That is all.

As OneLittleToddlingTerror said "who is going to be the mistress of the house?"

This whole scenario, if true, has alarm bells ringing for me. Indian families retaining their culture (living and caring for elderly parents) very rarely marry an "outsider". If you are Thai then you are an outsider. How did you meet your fiance?

PS You certainly won't be the "mistress of the house"

"yes i struggled a lot, i started working when i was 13, and it's been a hell of a ride... but to me it is not my life, it is just a means to a good life."

is that really what you meant?

I don't think its going to be a fairy-tale-live-happily-ever after scenario, you are going to be Cinders the carer, with PIL rather than step-sisters.

Does your DF want you to give up your job so that he has more control over you?

Zhagh, she said she met her fiance at work.

I am my blind parents carer.

They can cook and clean for themselves., I do the driving about, shopping, dealing with mail, etc.

I did not need to give up my job to do this.

This may have been said up thread but as his wife you are entitled (morally at least) to share in his wealth as an equal partners, not just a part of that wealth that he allocates to you. As for a pre-nup, while £3k per month for life might seem a lot now, how does this compare to 50% of the marital assets and al future income?

Absolutely no way !! Why cant he just emoy a companion ?? Why does it have to be you?? What's the point in a healthy allowance with no life/freedom

to spend it??

When does your fiance want you to give up your job and be a companion to his parents?

Before or after the wedding?

Don't do it. Your fiance needs to separate the two vacancies: housekeeper/carer and wife.

Yes, a wife may end up helping with PILs and keeping the house, but it is not the PURPOSE of marriage. DFiance sounds like he is keener on having you as a carer than as a wife (red flag at pre-nup). Is there some reason why he needs to marry you in order for you to be allowed to stay and care for his parents (sorry to ask, but you are foreign, I see?)

I dont understand several things...

You say you will cook for his parents. People from the sub continent only eat their own cusine, cooked in their particular way. How will you cook for them, being thai? Especially as old people are set in their own ways and like things a particular way.

Also you worked in advertising, so you have to communicate with others. you say you live in london and have worked most of your life. Why cannot you not write well in english then. Surely if you have lived here for such a long time, you would have mastered basic rules of english.

Finally, you say your husband will be working abroad making several trips. Wouldnt it be more believable if your husband wanted you to accompany him abroad, sightseeing whilst he is at work and catching up in the evenings for dinner? Yet after getting married all he wants you to do is stay at home and look after his parents. Its seems suspcicious he doesnt want you to come with you, maybe he has "other business" to attend whilst he is abroad. Very common.

Caring for the parents- with the best of respect, i cant see any young women giving up her life to care for parents in laws voluntarily when there is other hired help around. An hour a day you say, it wont be when you want to spare that hour. What if it is 3pm in the afternnoon when you want to meet your friends?

Something smells fishy.... and its not me!

*That should read "why cant you commnicate well in english then".

Obviously need lessons myself!!

Aw bless you NewBeginnings! I lurve when posters slag off someone for incorrect English and then cocks it up completely themselves.

VickyU, I'm with you. I am shocked at some of the stereotypes spouted on this thread about Indian families. I am Indian and know so many extended Indian families living together in London. A few of these ste-ups have been difficult but the majority have worked out really well. Not all Indian ILs are demanding and eat only Indian food and expect to be waited on hand and foot .

OP, is it possible to take a sabbatical from work for a year? You sound senior and I know a few people at my old (advertising) agency who took agreed-upon 1-year sabbaticals to try something new. One of these people actually wrote and then published (to critical acclaim) a novel and never returned. But he did write solidly for that year.

*set-ups

It isn't "free money." You will be expected to work for it.

You seem really tempted then when people question the sense of doing this you say you won't give up your job.

Your savings won't last forever.

Bssh I know a lot of indian families too. Most of the time when elderly parents are uprooted from their home country they feel upset about dat. I doubt it very much having eaten a wholly indian diet they would be up for thai green curries and noodles. That is not being stereotypical, thats how old people are. Same as if the IL's were french they wouldnt start eating indian food.

Also what about the language barrier? How will you communicate with them? As i would expect english isnt their first language?

Do they have other friends relatives here?

What i dont understand is why you wouldnt travel with your soon to be DH? Why stay at home and be a carer when u could be traveling and writing?