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Original poster

Should I consider quitting my job to become a trophy wife?

165 replies

peonylover · 30/08/2012 15:51

i am having a xmas wedding... and my fiancee just dropped a bombshell. he wants me to give up my job and be a companion to his parents. In return, I will have unlimited access to a "generous monthly allowance"

Some background on me - I work in the advertising industry, but my real passion is finishing my novel, which I am trying to do for the past 6 years. So, in an ideal world, i would be jumping up and down in joy on hearing this proposal.. but I am not. Not loudly, anyway... I just am not very comfortable about this whole proposal....

Fiancee has aged (but mobile) parents who live with him (in his house, which he bought after years of working as a banker) and he wants me to stay at home and make sure they are not lonely. He is very frank about this. I am also sure he has said this because I have been lamenting forever about quitting my job and becoming a full time writer. A Win-win situation, in his own words.

If you have access to a nice income every month WITHOUT WORKING FOR IT, will you take it and give up your currently satisfying job to become a trophy wife?

OP posts:
noddyholder · 30/08/2012 16:32

He can afford a carer for them suggest that! Unless of course you like the sound of it

Original poster
peonylover · 30/08/2012 16:33

goodness, it's not a plot or a book! it is my life im talking abt here.

my fiance is travels a lot, and ever since his mother started going a bit blind, he has been very worried.

his father is a healthy 70 year old, he likes the outdoors but his wife does not, so he's out a lot. they both like to talk though. they love me and i like them too, i come from a broken family so i am very happy to see a happy family.. feel very happy to be part of one.

but i don't know if i can live upstairs and them downstairs... cooking dinner is also not a problem, i love cooking... but as somebody said here i don't want it to escalate it to full time caring later.

OP posts:
DruAnderson · 30/08/2012 16:34

Lol half blond. She might be, but the fact she half blind may be more important. :)

Dryjuice25 · 30/08/2012 16:34

I bet he is paying you much lower than he would a proper carer....and you will be potentially working longer hours. Why not put this through payroll. Then you would be entitled to annual leave to do your writing.

Good luck with the writing.

Frontpaw · 30/08/2012 16:36

Are you Indian? I only ask as a few of my friends who are moved in with their inlaws. Can't say it was a happy arrangement for anyone except the husbands.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/08/2012 16:37

So he's going to be jetting round the world and you're expected to sit home, knitting with the old folks and poaching an egg or two, counting the minutes until he returns? Are you and your fiance the same age?

Original poster
peonylover · 30/08/2012 16:38

sorry i don't get all the insulting comments. and my fiancee already has a housecleaner and a gardener.

will the "plot" sound better if i keep my job but still cook dinners every day!

OP posts:
DruAnderson · 30/08/2012 16:38

Is there a reason they don't have friends?
Is there a reason (since they don't need caters) your dp was worried enough to move them in, even though he is never there?
I love my ils, but I married dh because I wanted to be with dh, not to be mates with ils.

Original poster
peonylover · 30/08/2012 16:38

i meant fiance, sry typing on phone

OP posts:
FoxSake · 30/08/2012 16:38

No never, I have 3 dc and I am struggling to do what is the sensible thing and give up work to stay at home full time because I don't want to be financially dependent on anyone. What if you hate it, your job won't wait in this climate.

MarshaBrady · 30/08/2012 16:39

No, because I would want my own space. Not sharing, even if it is downstairs.

MrsBingo · 30/08/2012 16:39

don't cook them dinners every day. get the housecleaner to do that.

Original poster
peonylover · 30/08/2012 16:40

im thai but my fiance is indian - im amazed you guessed it!

OP posts:
noddyholder · 30/08/2012 16:40

I think this is about how much importance people place on family etc and maybe this couple don't think this is odd. Do you want to do it and write as well? You need to find out exactly what will be expected and hours etc. It actually could work if you all want teh same thing and you are not being pushed

Frontpaw · 30/08/2012 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

noddyholder · 30/08/2012 16:43

Why do you think this will make you a trophy?

DruAnderson · 30/08/2012 16:44

Honestly this sounds like the strangest set up.
Please be aware I gave up my job to work part time for dh and part time sahm.
I work for our company (dh director) no way would I give it up for an unspecified, non detailed arrangement.
Keep mum company and cook a bit and I will pay you, is a very strange set up for a marriage.
Why is the housekeeper not cooking dinner for them?
Or does she and that's why you will do weekends? I thought these people were very fit and healthy. Can they not look after themselves or can they?

Dryjuice25 · 30/08/2012 16:44

Plot inspired by Louise Mensh?

OurPlanetNeptune · 30/08/2012 16:44

cliches. cliches.

A bit offensive if you ask me.

OurPlanetNeptune · 30/08/2012 16:45

That is to OP's last couple of posts

Original poster
peonylover · 30/08/2012 16:46

i hope i am not making him sound like a villian. there was never a mention about a 'salary' for my 'caring'. the proposal was i will have access to the same amount of money i earn every month (a little over £3k) for my personal use. my fiance is a good man, yes he certainly can afford to have a professional carer for his parents, he says by being there for his family we all will be closer, better me than some person doing it for money.

i can say no to this and keep working, it will not affect him at all. but the fact will remain that i said no, and can i start a marriage with that kind of history.. and as i said, i am also tempted... why should i say no to free money...

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 30/08/2012 16:46

The reaon people are laughing is because the proposal is so ridiculous that it is hard to take seriously. And that one would have to be really dim to say
" I am going to be a trophy wife" when the proposal is that you become a carer.

I am married and have no job. I don't do errands for my dh for an allowance. I am his wife. His stuff is my stuff. We have a joint account.

If he wants me to spend time with is parents he asks me.

And if I don't want to do it I say no.

Youdon't seem to understand what trophy wife means. You don't seem to understand what marriage involves. You don't seem to get that elderly people can decline very quickly

EleanorHandbasket · 30/08/2012 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbells76 · 30/08/2012 16:46

I wondered if you were Thai from your first post. How did you and your fiance meet, out of interest?

Frontpaw · 30/08/2012 16:47

Not a big jump in assumption. Fairly common enough set-up. But I have never come across anyone asked to be a trophy wife.

Something about this is just not quite right?

Assuming this is a genuine post/offer, this would mean that the husband is in control of the household and finance. He will be away a lot and you will be expected to conform and look after elderly parents their way. I know quite a few suck folk whose parents dont speak English well/at home (or eat funny forrin food either). Will you be expected to learn and possibly change religion?

How long have you known this man? Does his family accept you. Again, from personal experience, I have witnessed much hoo-ha when such a child dates/marries out of religion/community. I am assuming that because he is going down a traditional route of living with his parents, his family are more traditionalists.

What if he decides - since he will hold all the cards - on a divorce down the line?