DH hit me in the face last night and he's not sorry.

[Blackberryinoperative]

My DH hit me in the face last night while I was breastfeeding our baby. He is not sorry. He says he has "forgiven me" for our argument, why can't I forgive him?

I told him he is not forgiven. I am really angry at him but the worst thing is he is not sorry. He doesn't think he was wrong. He did it because I told him to fuck off three times. He warned me to stop saying it but I carried on. He says swearing in front of the children is just as tantamount to violence as hitting.

I am not a weak person or an apologist but I really am nonplussed as to how to take it from here. Separating will be hell on earth. Not because we are so in love or anything but just logistically things will be a complete nightmare. How do I make him see he was wrong to hit me? And that swearing sometimes does not a bad parent make?

You're not your mum. You don't have to go back. And leaving the relationship doesn't have to happen right this second. Think about it, make some plans, talk to him about it (if you can). Not all break ups have to involve the police and safe houses and locksmiths. Any chance he'd be reasonable?

I think, as usual, I will be the family sponge, soak up all the shite, put my worries to bed and get them out in the wee small hours when I pace around the house not sleeping and worrying about the future.

As it was, is and ever shall be.

My children will be ok, and he will probably leave me for someone else when his dislike of me reaches unmanageable levels. I will probably end up a deeply bitter person who pretends they aren't, and throw myself at unsuitable men for the duration of my miserable life.

A relationships threaders wet dream.

Thanks for all who posted.

Either he needs to go or you need to go either if it does mean going to a safe house, surely that is better than being beaten? You are not your mum, just because she went back doesn't mean you will.
You may see it as an unessesary excercise but it isn't, you are in danger and so are your children whilst you remain with him.
I knew a woman that had a voilent dp, he went on to beat the crap out of her and he even started to beat the kids-get out or get him out-money can be sorted

Agree with chickens.

Agree with AF's shrug in that case.

It is your life op you have choices, if that is what you choose it is what you choose.

You need to report it to the police for any future residency battle!!

Yes as BlackberryIce says you need to get this reported

I shouldn't have posted.

pumkin the only risk to the children here is their own mum. Many many dv cases go through the courts and where dv has been aimed at the adult the dc then continue to have a relationship with both parents individually

Op you need to start listening to what posters are saying, we are all trying to help.
You come across as very hostile, stop the bitterness and act now. You need to get out of this relationship and find other ways of dealing with dcs behaviour too.

DH needs to report your hitti.g too.

Not all single Mothers are bitter and throw themselves at any.man for your information.

What did you want out of the thread, OP? How many posts have you seen in this forum where the response to a woman being hit HASN'T been to get away from the partner ASAP? If you truly want the best for your kids you know there are ways to get out of this situation.

Op you have a few options..... the one you have outlined above seems to be one of the less good ones to me.

Your partner does not respect, support or help you,
Your partner has hit you in the face
this alone makes it a toxic environment for your DC and you
You have in your post made it clear that he has all the power.. in that only he can walk away when he hates you enough?????......and yet you are a "fierce" woman?????

please Op don't let this go on. The police can take him away and he can cool his heels in a cell for a bit whilst you sort out an order keeping him away. Without his unhelpful and undermining presence you will have far more energy to parent in the way that you want and need to, your children will be in a more positive environment and you will have space to breathe.

no-one can make you do anything, it is your life...but you love your children "fiercely" so use that love to get them to a better place and to build your skills don't let them look back on a childhood of stress confusion and mixed messages where they are loved, and yet violence, and lack of respect between the 2 people they love the most in the world undermines their security and their future ability to form strong, loving and mutually respectful relationships. I know you want that for them.

Who knows may be you could do it for yourself as well.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply at sole source, you have misunderstood me. I would hate to think my children are at risk from me, I love them.

Do you love them enough to do something.... Today?

I think it's good you posted, if it gets you thinking.

If you want to stay with a violent man and be violent yourself, well, it's a choice, I guess.

The big flaw in your reasoning is when you say 'the children will be okay'.

The children will NOT be okay, they will grow up loved but learning that aggression and violence are acceptable means of dealing with things. No matter how much you apologise and say it's not okay, if it's always around then they will know different. And they will be violent themselves.

If that happens, do you think they will be happy in life? Are you happy in life? If they end up dropping out of school or in jail, will you take refuge in 'the logistics were too difficult'?

You have to be brave here. It is not easy, no way, but you have to do something to change your family life.

What would happen if you have a serious talk with your husband tonight, and say that things can't go on like this, and suggest he stay with his family for a while so you can sort yourselves out. Would that be possible as a first step?

Yes today?

Yes. What shall I do? Hand them over to social services immediately?

No, get in touch with the police and report him.

Your Dc are at risk from you. Not because you smacked and shouted at them.

But because you don't want to do anything to improve the way you and your h are parenting.

You both need anger management and relationship councelling. You both need to learn to parent differently.

You learned you parenting from you mum and they will continue to parent YOUR just like you.

I should say, really you should call the police, but it doesn't sound like you will do that, so at the very least you should try to be physically separate for a while. As a first step.

All your hallowed social services will do is see that my children are in a perfectly nice middle class house where their food is freshly cooked, their education is good, their clothes are clean, their beds are warm and their mother is not perfect and has no parenting support at all.

I would like to bet they have nicer lives than a lot of children, they do get naughty and I do get cross but I rarely (probably two or three times in dd's life) smack them. I love my kids. Why am I the bad guy because my DH smacked me in the face and I came here for help? I was honest. I haven't drip fed. I owned up to the fact that I make mistakes as a mum, sometimes I give them sweets too and sometimes they watch tv a little too long, they still get kissed, cuddled and read to every night and I would do anything for them. I'm pretty gutted tbh at the reaction I have got here. Some of you sound like my DH :(

Dreaming bohemian you make a lot of sense and you are right, we need some physical distance. I don't have anywhere I can go though.