Is my DH is a selfish bastard?

[Confused74]

6 Months ago i asked DH is he wanted to be with family and friends for his birthday as he shares the same birthday with my MIL and i wanted to book a weekend away for the both of us as a suprise but i know that if i just went and booked it he would tell me that he has planned to spend it with his DM/family/friends.

He said that he thinks that a weekend away just me and him would be a great idea and a lovely suprise (We havent been away together just the two of us every since we met!)

So i went and booked a really expensive hotel, Theatre trip and a meal out the first night and a day out the second day (2 nights).

Well its MIL's 50th birthday and she rang him yesterday to tell him of the plans (On the dates that we were going to be away) that she was thinking/to ask if we can make it.

DH has come home and dropped this on me (He knew what dates i booked the weekend away as we talked about it for a couple of weeks/I was hinting ideas) He said that he cannot miss his DM's 50th so i would have to cancel everything so we could attend, I asked him if she is able to change the dates for the weekend before/after as nothing is booked yet and he said "No way, Don't be selfish".

She hasn't booked anything i have had this booked for 6 months and i asked him beforehand if these dates were okay because i knew MIL would kick up a fuss if i just booked it without talking about dates etc.

I have looked into changing the dates of our weekend but the hotel has no rooms avaliable.

So he said that i have to cancel everything i had booked as he wants to go to MIL's "Do".

It has cost me well over £1000 for everything.

This has REALLY upset me but he said "Its my DM's 50th so im going".

I asked him if he told her that i had a weekend planned for him and me for his birthday weekend and he just said "I forgot to".

AIBU to be VERY upset about this?

I'm simply drawing my conclusions from your posts.

Maybe deliberately obtuse would be better.

I wouldn't have booked a weekend away on MIL's 50th B'day. That's inconsiderate IMO. Your DH is being unreasonable but then so are you.

You asked your DH to check with his mother 6 months away from her birthday what she would be doing? Did you really expect her to have an answer so far away from the actual event? Why did you book it for the weekend of her birthday anyway, what was stopping you doing it the weekend before or after?

Have all the YABU people missed that it is DH's birthday too? So, yes there was a reason that it was that weekend and she knew what they were doing for his birthday 6 months before. Why does he have to move his birthday? Why can't MIL move hers?

If my DH ever sopke to me like that then I would be seriously thinking whether I could stay with him, especially aftter the Mother's Day bit as well.

There's so many threads on MN with grown men tied to their mother's apron strings, and still letting them call the shots, it's utterly depressing.
My ds is 17, I will never put my needs before his and his future partner.

Nappy

Jemma

How is the OP trying to separate her MIL and her precious son? She made sure the dates wereok before she booked, her husband has now ruined it.

Can I come with you Confused? I get the problems with the MIL thinking I stole her lovely boy. Heck, I get advice about our sleeping arrangements from DP's sister and each time the family meets up, DP's brother has a chat about how DP doesn't have any time to himself and what am I doing about it?

Their family is highly educated; I'm the first in my family to go to University. We had a child fairly soon after getting together too. I guess I "trapped him". The more I think about it, the more I think we should have a 5* weekend away together. I'll make a cake (as I do for my own birthday every year!).

ust read your last post, it's made my blood boil! Sorry but... What a wanker!!! I sincerely hope he's amazing in every other aspect because I'd be packing his bags. He's walking all over you the ungrateful bullying shite.

This ^^

OP don't give in to him. Stand up for yourself and sod your in-laws, it doesn't matter what you do they'll never respect you.

The OP isn't being unreasonable in the slightest. She's booked a weekend anyway FOR HIS BIRTHDAY WHICH HE CONFIRMED WOULD BE FINE.

Just...

Exactly chaotic. It's no good her pandering to them because she'll never win, sadly.

Cross postsn

Go with a friend - tell him he created the problem, he can fix it. so what if your ILs call you, it's not like they like you anyway, perhaps if your DH actually has to deal with his fuck up, then he'll realise he can't just expect you to fix stuff to suit his mother.

Don't get him anything else.

Op, the crux of it seems to be your MIL constantly trying to undermine your relationship with your DH.
If you MIL was that bothered about her "big" birthday, she could have organised something more than a couple of weeks before.

You really should go away with a good friend. Your DH should learn the consequences of putting his mum first.

However, i would put it in a diplomatic way and say that you cannot get a refund for the cost of the weekend, so hope he doesn't mind, but you will be going anyway. Also make sure you buy a thoughtful (not expensive) gift for your MIL so you look gracious and can take the moral high ground

So it'll be difficult for him?

Well boo fucking hoo

NappyDodger just to be clear potty mouth made me laugh the TWAT was for DH not for you.

Confused I am really for you. Trying to do something nice and having it turned into a pile of poo. Well, you will know better next time. I wouldn't even get him or his mean Mummy a card.

Def go with a friend.

The OP could have booked for the weekend before to be more thoughtful
..
The MIL could quite equally have booked her party the weekend before not to clash with her sons birthday.

They could still have ended up in this situation. The OP did, imo, everything she could to ensurr her dh was free.

Fwiw, being told I had to attend mils do would be a sure fire way of me going on the theatre trip.

Did he tell her you were going away for the weekend?

Does he have siblings?

I have just asked DH to sit with me so we can talk about it/So i can let him know that i am upset but i am considering canceling everything.

He said that there is no discussion we are going and thats that, I really dont want to argue but i need him to realise that i do feel hurt about the way he handled it and the way that he spoke to me.

His and MIL's birthday are on a monday so i booked our weekend for the friday-sunday before. I asked if him MIL could have it the weekend after, I asked him plenty of times if it was okay and if i should book it and he told me to book it as it were fine.

How do i let him know that i do feel hurt about this without causing a drama?

Agree he is being a bully and you want to think about whether you want to spend the rest of your life in second place to his mother. However, it sounds like you have no choice,but to change it. Can you change the hotel weekend or anything to minimise the financial loss?

Leave the bastard. Seriously. He doesn't give a shiny shit how you feel or what effort you've gone to. And I bet he'll still expect a birthday present.

He doesnt seem to be a man to whom words matter. Time for action.

'there is no discussion'

WHAT?!

Leave the bastards.