Is my DH is a selfish bastard?

[Confused74]

6 Months ago i asked DH is he wanted to be with family and friends for his birthday as he shares the same birthday with my MIL and i wanted to book a weekend away for the both of us as a suprise but i know that if i just went and booked it he would tell me that he has planned to spend it with his DM/family/friends.

He said that he thinks that a weekend away just me and him would be a great idea and a lovely suprise (We havent been away together just the two of us every since we met!)

So i went and booked a really expensive hotel, Theatre trip and a meal out the first night and a day out the second day (2 nights).

Well its MIL's 50th birthday and she rang him yesterday to tell him of the plans (On the dates that we were going to be away) that she was thinking/to ask if we can make it.

DH has come home and dropped this on me (He knew what dates i booked the weekend away as we talked about it for a couple of weeks/I was hinting ideas) He said that he cannot miss his DM's 50th so i would have to cancel everything so we could attend, I asked him if she is able to change the dates for the weekend before/after as nothing is booked yet and he said "No way, Don't be selfish".

She hasn't booked anything i have had this booked for 6 months and i asked him beforehand if these dates were okay because i knew MIL would kick up a fuss if i just booked it without talking about dates etc.

I have looked into changing the dates of our weekend but the hotel has no rooms avaliable.

So he said that i have to cancel everything i had booked as he wants to go to MIL's "Do".

It has cost me well over £1000 for everything.

This has REALLY upset me but he said "Its my DM's 50th so im going".

I asked him if he told her that i had a weekend planned for him and me for his birthday weekend and he just said "I forgot to".

AIBU to be VERY upset about this?

Please leave this abusive relationship, or at least go on the weekend that you've booked.
Nobody has the right to tell you what yoy can and can't do. You are an adult

PooPooOnMars

I see what you mean! I posted that in answer to her posts that were, basically, saying this was all OPs fault etc. Wasn't until after I posted that I saw she did an about turn after reading more!

Well said Nappy doger
I am sorry confused74 you have picked the one birthday (that your MIL turns 50) to take your DH for a birthday weekend ??? YABU

chaddy, the OP asked her DH several times if he wanted his birthday with his family or with just her. He said with her. She ran the dates past him and he said to go ahead and book. Then when she had, he pulled the carpet from under her feet with his announcement that he/they would be spending the weekend with MIL, and that SHE would be spoiling things if she didn't go.

I won't rehash all that's been said, by both the OP and others, but clearly this is just one example of the emotional manipulation and abuse the OP experiences in her marriage.

Do all the posters saying how unreasonable she is for the weekend away see the posts anout how extremely emotionally abused she is?

If you have read them and still post YABU, shame on you.

alien - I think you're right. She won't be back as, apart from about 3 people who obviously haven't read the thread, no-one is telling her what she wants to hear - i.e. that yes, her DH is a great catch and she is doing the right thing cancelling their £1000 weekend away, being cut off from her mum, and caving to his constant threats of leaving every time there's a disagreement .

Actually, he doesn't threaten that he will leave, does he? He threatens her with not being welcome back into his wonderful life.

What a heart breaking thread.

Please cone back op, even if it's just to have somewhere safe to talk.
You should be loved and treasured. I expect your mum is just waiting for the day you come home to look after you properly.

In fact you could turn this around on him by saying you understand how important HIS mum is to him as yours is to you, and go and stay for a weekend.

OP, don't think about leaving your DH as an entity in itself. But do imagine yourself in relationship in which you are treated with love and respect. With someone who will not begrudge you the freedom you are entitled to to visit your DM but will miss you every second you are gone and cherish you when you come home. Picture yourself confident enough in the person you are with to assert yourself, because you know he will respect you for it and not threaten to leave you over it. Imagine being with someone who you can surprise with a lovely weekend away and see his face light up at the thought of spending time with you, or him surprising YOU with a romantic weekend!

All of these things are possible, picture yourself happy my lovely and instead of focusing on ending what you currently have, think of it as starting the path to what you want next. What you deserve next.

My ex whom I still miss terribly scored 18 :(

There's so many of them around!

So, so sad. I wonder how long before the emotional abuse turns physical? I used to work for the Police answering emergency calls, and have spoken to the end results of relationships like this. One of the saddest was a girl who had just been beaten up by a piece of dirt using a motorcycle helmet as a weapon - asked if he had hurt her before - she said 'only with his fists'
She had no-one to turn to - she had been 'in care'
OP - PLEASE - go home to your Mum - remember what it is like to have some real love and respect in your life.

OP, we understand you're not ready to leave yet. NO ONE judges you for that. I'm pretty young myself (20) and have had my fair share of horrible relationships, my last just like yours.

You don't have to reply, but I suggest you search for LaLaDipsey, and see her story, or sapphirebluesky, these are similar stories that have taken the women years to leave, and they just get lots of loving support, not judgement as to why you haven't left yet.

If you click on relationships, there will be a thread about living with emotionally abusive partners. All we want if for you to not block MN out. You deserve a support system where you won't be judged that he cannot take away.

Thinking of you. Inbox me any time.

*skyebluesapphire

I could cry for the wasted life you will lead if you stay with him.

I would see things getting worse not better, perhaps with him dictating where you can and cannot go, who you can and cannot be friends with etc. Maybe not, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least (if he hasn't already).

He doesn't love you and it sounds like he doesn't have too many emotions spare for his own child either if he's happy to treat his child's mother like this.

OP you are categorically not lucky to have a man who forbids you visiting your mum. I hope you can see this, whatever the future holds.
All the best.

Does your DH spend £1000 on your birthday presents?

Oh sweetheart I just want to put my arm around you and tell you that this is so not the way it should be. It's clear you always do whatever he says as he takes it for granted that you will toe the line. Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?