Is my DH is a selfish bastard?

[Confused74]

6 Months ago i asked DH is he wanted to be with family and friends for his birthday as he shares the same birthday with my MIL and i wanted to book a weekend away for the both of us as a suprise but i know that if i just went and booked it he would tell me that he has planned to spend it with his DM/family/friends.

He said that he thinks that a weekend away just me and him would be a great idea and a lovely suprise (We havent been away together just the two of us every since we met!)

So i went and booked a really expensive hotel, Theatre trip and a meal out the first night and a day out the second day (2 nights).

Well its MIL's 50th birthday and she rang him yesterday to tell him of the plans (On the dates that we were going to be away) that she was thinking/to ask if we can make it.

DH has come home and dropped this on me (He knew what dates i booked the weekend away as we talked about it for a couple of weeks/I was hinting ideas) He said that he cannot miss his DM's 50th so i would have to cancel everything so we could attend, I asked him if she is able to change the dates for the weekend before/after as nothing is booked yet and he said "No way, Don't be selfish".

She hasn't booked anything i have had this booked for 6 months and i asked him beforehand if these dates were okay because i knew MIL would kick up a fuss if i just booked it without talking about dates etc.

I have looked into changing the dates of our weekend but the hotel has no rooms avaliable.

So he said that i have to cancel everything i had booked as he wants to go to MIL's "Do".

It has cost me well over £1000 for everything.

This has REALLY upset me but he said "Its my DM's 50th so im going".

I asked him if he told her that i had a weekend planned for him and me for his birthday weekend and he just said "I forgot to".

AIBU to be VERY upset about this?

I would certainly be going on the weekend away. Take a friend, and give him a card.

Nappydodger - his mum's birthday is his lookout, and he definitely okayed the dates. What has happened imo, is that his mum has kicked off, which is his own doing, and he is too chickenshit to take the flak, so he has opted to trash his wife instead.

What. An. Arsehole.

So, Confused, don't make the AIBU mistake of only addressing the YABU posters. What about going away on your own? I am also free for any 5* fancy hotels trips...

He really is a pathetic little mummy's boy isn't he?
I'd find a babysitter and go away by yourself or with a mate.
I did sweet FA for my 50th by the way, it's not big deal.

What a spineless, pathetic, inadequate mummies boy and a complete and utter arse

Go away for the weekend and take a friend with you.

I'd be tempted to tell him to pack severall suitcases a bag and not bother coming back if it was me.

Ok, so you clearly all have children as you are on this site. Let me draw you a picture, it's YOUR 50th and you want to celebrate with the people you love except you can't because your son won't be there. Apparently his wife threw a fit because SHE wanted him to herself. It's not your fault your son and daughter in law have never been away together and it's not your fault they both FORGOT you were turning 50.

I think it's disgusting and you should always respect your parents.

i would say to him "this cost £1000 i have already booked and paid because you said it was ok to do so, if you no longer want it fine,however i will not be joining you at your mothers as i will have to recoup that money somehow i expect it will take me some time to do especially given how angry i am"

if your feeling extreamly nice gift the weekend to a friend/family member you love.

then for the next few weeks do not provide him with anything that you normally arange just say "sorry i cannot afford to"

hide his clothes/personal items anything thats his in the loft tell him you have ebayed them ditto your wedding ring and all your shoes untill you have calmed down

and yanbu

They are married, it's both their look out.

I agree with Nappydodger

Why did you have to book this weekend away 6 months in advance ?
I believe you tried to 'get in there first' by arranging this holiday in the hope that your Dh would be with only you during his mums special birthday .

Surely you could have held back booking this ages ago incase your MIL wanted to plan something just before her birthday .

Seems to me that your MIL doesn't like you because she feels that YOU are trying to come between her and her son.

Tbh, OP, the Mother's Day thing would have made me cross enough to start this sort of thread, let alone the shit he seems to be pulling over this weekend away.

Go. Go with a friend, go alone, whatever, but do NOT allow this man to ruin yet another weekend that you were hoping to enjoy.

What a twat he seems to be.

NappyDodger. I can imagine that. My DD comes to me and says "DM, DH wants me to have a weekend away for my birthday. Is the 14th August OK, I know it is yours as well?". I say, "That's OK DD we can have a big bash for me on the 21st. You enjoy yourselves" OR "I was really hoping you could be there on the 14th, has DH booked?". DD would say, "No, he asked me to check BEFORE HE BOOKED". It would be fine. In this case DH was asked to check, said he would, didn't, told his wife those dates were fine, then, after she booked, he kicked off. TWAT.

She asked him to check with MIL, he said it was OK. For some theatre tickets you have to book months in advance.

You asked your DH to check with his mother 6 months away from her birthday what she would be doing? Did you really expect her to have an answer so far away from the actual event? Why did you book it for the weekend of her birthday anyway, what was stopping you doing it the weekend before or after?

Looks to me like you knew this could be a problem but suited yourself anyway knowing this could cause aggro.

As a mother I'd rather my DC celebrated their birthdays first. I'd be more than willing to move dates if mine clashed with one of my DC's birthdays.

YADNBU.

Your DH's behaviour is strange. You MIL hasn't planned anything yet; and she has asked when you two are free. Your DH could have easily told her about your weekend away, and that you were free any other time. But he didn't. He simply refuses to attend your weekend away. OP, is there something else going on?

I think you should definitely still go on the weekend away, with or without him. Take a friend or sister or something!

Because it is his birthday that weekend.

Jeeps nappydodger you have an unusual way of looking at this. Did you not see the bit where confused said she had checked with her dh that it would be ok to book this particular weekend?

Yep you should go by yourself or with a lovely friend .

Oh Bull Nappy there are already moms on here who have said they are 50 and it's not a huge deal. MIL should shift her b'day party over. Adults having birthday parties for themselves always seems a bit grabby and me me me to me. Once you have kids it's not really about you anymore.

Woh there, potty mouth. Aibu is an open question to which there is no correct answer, because my opinion is different to yours doesn't mean I'm stupid. Only a stupid person would think that.

Sod off nappydodger, his loyalty and first priority is to his wife, not to his mother.
I will be 50 in a couple of years, the only person I want to celebrate with is my husband, my DD has her own life and I wouldn't expect her to change any plans just because it's my birthday.
He is being spineless regarding his mother, it's horrible that he would rather hurt and disappoint you than explain things to her.

I have told DH that i will just take a friend and he said "We both need to be at my DM's 50th, Me and my family will be extremely pissed off if you don't come so you will make my life harder if you dont" I know that I will be even more in the Inlaws "Bad books" if i didnt turn up and went on the weekend with a friend.

I dont think i can do anything but cancel this one, Its such alot of money to me and not going will break my heart, I have been looking forward to this since it has been booked.

I have spoke to my DM and she cannot believe that he is acting this way but she also knows how my Inlaws can be and said that she cannot think of getting around it without canceling it and having a stern word with DH about how much he has hurt me.

MrsTerryPratchett I have suggested that i go with my friend/DM but got extremely annoyed that i could even think about suggesting it.

I don't think I could stay with him after that. I can't believe how ridiculous he's being.

Just read your last post, it's made my blood boil! Sorry but... What a wanker!!! I sincerely hope he's amazing in every other aspect because I'd be packing his bags. He's walking all over you the ungrateful bullying shite.

YANBU and I think your DH was just being male. He heard the dates but didn't really think about it and now he's in trouble.