I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Fwiw I saw a counsellor a few years ago for CBT with regards to the way my ex-boyfriend & I broke up & she totally "took my side". She laughed her ass off at some of the stuff he was writing to me. On the other hand his counsellor told him I was clearly sleeping around during our relationship. I wasn't. But I only have his word that his counsellor said that & I never told him the things mine said about him as he would have found it as hurtful as I did to hear what his had apparently said about me.

I think it's highly likely that Chutneytwat will escalate his horrible.behaviour. Call it conjecture or call it based on previous behaviour...

Lou,so.glad today was a good appointment.

Porto Please think before you post - WHAT EXACTLY were you hoping to achieve by posting your opinion of the counsellor? HOW ON EARTH IS THAT GOING TO HELP ANYONE, LEAST OF ALL THE OP? If anything you're actively undermining the good work that the counsellor is doing. I've bought your "just trying to help" excuses until now but that last post was outrageously unkind, ill thoughtout and downright unnecessary.

FWIW when I had an NHS counselling session my counsellor gave her opinion on all sorts of parts of my life and the people in it. It was utterly supportive and just what I needed in the circumstances. Like holding a mirror up to my life and me seeing it for what it really was. Lou, you're counsellor sounds just like this and spot on to me - so glad you've had such a positive experience so far.

I know it's a bit different Porto, just pointing out (as others have done) that it is perfectly possible to be an ethical and professional counsellor, and "take the side" of the client.

Take the side, yes. Hypothesize, no.

"He found the thing that meant the most to you and used it to torment you."

Couldn't have put it better myself Math. This is when the whole control thing really kicked in. And unfortunately it worked. I became very vulnerable in the relationship from last summer onwards,....

Yes, he continued attending the fertility appointments, but I knew deep down it was always half hearted. After our first appointment in March, I asked if we could go out for a meal and discuss what we'd been told during the appointment. He said no because he wanted to go and play football. That broke my heart, but looking back it was an indicator. They're all flooding in at the moment. He was going through the motions, but carefully disengaging himself at the same time,.... But it is odd that we were still having unprotected sex regularly, I have no idea what that was about and probably never will.

Anyway, night night all, going to bed early to listen to the football. Knackered today!

It's well-known that abusive men can escalate at the time of separation, so it's hardly hypothesizing to warn of the possibility.

'I don't have many good points'? ...oh dear, seems he did do quite a number on you. All together girls...

Oh Yes You Do!

Porto - don't know how much counselling you have had, or what for. but my counsellor talks very much about how my X might behave in the future, withholding money, flaunting OW, being totally selfish and he is already doing some of those things.

Hi Lou, glad you're doing so well. Remember to listen to people's advice, but only follow what feels right to you. I'm sure almost everyone is just trying to be helpful, but it must still be a bit overwhelming. Good luck with everything, we are all behind you! (not in a stalkery way!!!)

If its any consolation, all men struggle with fertility appts. Dh still hasn't had his wank test, and we've been ttc for 7y. They don't want to be the reason you are in pain. Its shit,m but true.

But skyeblue, surely that's wrong. That means that you, as a vulnerable party, will be looking for it, and waiting for it?

It seems massively unprofessional to me.

Lissie - dont know how much counselling you have had either but we can only speak as we find, of our own counsellors.

My counsellor has to try and explain STBXH's behaviour to me soI can understand it. And no doubt it's the same for Lou. It's only common sense anyway. A twat who will walk out with no prior warning is hardly likely to start acting like a reasonable person is he?!

Lissie, exactly - the stbxh has been under enormous pressure to perform, to the degree he needed viagra and to email home that he could not possibly change his work appointments to accommodate. He has been an arse of the first order, I will fully admit that, but so much of what Op has said could be intepreted differently. Hence, how could a counsellor give proper relationship advice based on one side - they wouldn't/couldn't. They COULD give Lou advice on her pregnancy though - which was the point of the appointment as she described it.

Sorry Lou, I've not been around too much last few days.....

You're still sounding strong and I'm glad you've got the emergency counselling underway - your counsellor sounds fab, just what you need.

Keep posting, keep angry and remember that any decisions you make need to be for you x

A huge amount. I am an anorexic, depressive survivor of sexual and physical childhood abuse. My counselling has been about what I do and how I behave, not those who may or may not be responsible for my need for counselling, none of my counsellors have talked about what a shit my abuser is, nor have they speculated about how they will behave in future. Panicking a patient about how someone else may behave seems irresponsible.

Quite Lissie. That is how counselling SHOULD be - not scaremongering, or making stuff up.

Bloody hell it's taken me all day to remember my password to log on.. Old age doesn't come alone

Anyway Lou so pleased to here your counsellor was on the ball and you felt the benefit of it.
You arer slowly starting to see just what a twat Chutney has been for a long long time. you are too good for him and he was obviously punching high above his weight.
Sleep well and hope you are not worked too hard tomorrow x

'I don't have many good points'? that is the understatement of the year!

You are an amazing person Lou, and don't you forget it

Skye, surely your counsellor can only address your ex/s behaviour and discuss strategies for you to deal with it. It is beyond their remit to predict what he may or may not do.

Glad the counselling was so useful, she sounds a diamond.

Counsellors are meant to be impartial in couples counselling - this wasn't that. This was for LouP.
And fwiw, the highly recommended couples' counsellor we saw was so gob-smacked by STBExH's conduct both prior to and in between counselling sessions that he came off the neutral fence and spoke in the bluntest of terms. I found that enormously helpful in the face of STBExH's steamroller convictions.

Porto - why not start your OWN thread about counsellors if you feel that strongly. Lou's thread hijacked again & same person responsible. Make your point & move on. Getting boring now...

Porto - You are making rash statements here. I agreed with you on an earlier thread that a few people seemed to be pushing OP to find out more about ex and OW for their own entertainment. However, you are now coming on here making sweeping statements about counselling and ethics, it sounding like believe you are always right and no one else ever is. How do you think that your recent posts were helpful to the OP?

Because, threads about threads are not allowed and would be closed down with unfair cries of trollhunting.

Porto's made a good point imo, my experiences have been similar to the ones she talks about.

Abit, that's uncalled for!