I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

I always tell others to ignore and not engage and have ended up engaging myself! So ignore ignore ignore.

This is a thread to support Lou. If you can't do that then stop reading it!

Lissie couldn't agree more. Whether one agrees with Porto or not, that is just bloody rude and unconstructive.
Not often my mouth falls open at what a poster says to another - about the topic is not uncommon - but it fell open at that.
Bang out of order.

Lou, I'm glad you've found the counselling useful. I've had counselling many times over the years and even the worst counsellors I've had have highlighted issues to me in various relationships in my life. Some just listen, others have given practical advice. I've certainly found the short term counselling I've had works in a different way, giving practical suggestions on ways you can help yourself. I hope it helps you sort out what you want to do with the pregnancy.

I think porto just speaks her mind. I don't agree with everything she posts, but I respect the fact that she is giving her best advice. She doesn't come on here for car crash type entertainment. I don't think it does anyone any good to get personal about people on here, we are here to support each other, even if we disagree on the finer points.

As has been suggested previously, if you don't agree with the advice that is given, post your own and let Lou decide what, if any, she is going to use.

But, there are different ways to support. I have asked for advice/support on here loads, and appreciated the kicks up the arse as much (maybe more) as the hairstroking.

Its important that advice and help that lou receives from professionals is impartial and she deserves to see the bigger picture. She's been in blinkers too long.

Is that ME, abitwobbly? Me, who doesn't do pom pom waving but likes to see that OP gets proper advice rather than credulous supporters posting any old shit, most of it being misguided and innaccurate. So far Lou seems to have an incompetent GP, an unprofessional counseller, some well dodgy legal advice, and has been sent to an abortion clinic by mistake. I have sat here and tried to give good advice whilst the rest of you joke about crumpets. Well Lou might be happy with that in the short term.

But she still has to decide what to do about a pregnancy, protect her home, sort her utilities, protect her source of income, go through a divorce, face the emotional outcome of the OW and her baby, TALK to her dh, make a financial settlement etc etc. And you would be happier to discuss crumpets and think this is helpful. If that makes me PO faced then so be it. You are behaving in a totally loony way.

Lou did not sound panicked by her counsellor, she sounded like she felt supported and was reflecting on what she had heard, so it sounds like it was helpful, why are some people trying to undermine her? Just because some people here have been to or trained in a particular type of counselling or therapy, it does not mean that what you had was "right" and what Lou had was "wrong". In some types of therapy the counsellor tries to be a blank slate so that the client creates with them a relationship along the lines of relationships they create in the word, in some types of therapy the counsellor/therapist is completely led by the client, reflects and tries to name emotions. Other types of therapy are more directive, more collaborative, some are more like coaching, preparing people for various potential situations.

fhdl is right, there are lots of different styles of counselling. As long as it suits you, go for it. I personal wouldn't want to think someone was taking sides as I like an objective listener when discussing career stuff etc, but in Lou's situation I might change my mind!

Well, Lissielou and Porto, thank-you for "sharing your experience" of counsellors. Whilst the compare and contrast may have been interesting and helpful to you I'd hazard a guess that they weren't for the OP.

Sometimes it's important to consider the impact of what you're saying on other people, particularly those who are feeling vunerable at the moment. No matter how honest and valid that statement is.

No - I disagree - if a poster is vulnerable she needs the BEST POSSIBLE ADVICE from us, we can do no more.

Not again

Why this constant need to criticise?

Are we going to have to fill the remaining 190 posts on this thread with more chutney derivatives?

Oh, fgs. I give up. Sharing my experience wasn't helpful, anything but. I find it quite upsetting to talk about. I'm now wondering if my counsellor was blaming me, and was on my sd's side.

But, hey, I could always buy some crumpets!

I'm out, good luck op.

Porto Lou strikes me as an intelligent, knowing woman who can read the info given and choose what is relevant to her and pick out hints that mean something.

You are not helping, you're hindering and quite insistent on being a pain in the arse when you've been asked by Lou to fuck off in the last thread and you're still here!!

Glad the session went well for you, she sounded like a good match for you. people often have to try several councilors before they find a good fit so it brilliant this one suited you.

So the woman who is being abused, we should advise that she call the police or womens aid straight away, if a poster is thinking of moving in a cocklodger, we should SCREAM no. If a woman is wondering whether her dh did in fact rape her when she did not consent, we should tell it like it is. In this case, supporters who want to talk about chutney completely prevent the messages of what Lou SHOULD do to protect herself. Of course it is unpleasant. That doesn't make it BAD ADVICE!

...if a poster is vulnerable she needs the BEST POSSIBLE ADVICE from us..

No Porto - that's where you are wrong. She needs the best advice from the professionals: psychologists, therapists, lawyers etc. Not bar room advice on an internet thread.

We should be here to support - not criticise and question.

Lou has made it quite clear that she needs the humour to cope. Porto why on earth do you think that only your help and opinion is valid

It seems porto what you tend to miss is actually the tone, flow and harmony of the thread and rather than just make your point, sometimes good sometimes misjudged, you then ram it home, again and again. Upset the harmony of the thread and then continue some more. Hints are given to give it a rest and then full on posts to stop and you still have to ram it home some more it seems.

Perfect post WetAugust.

Lou - I hope you are not put off your thread again. . You have been given advice, you have taken legal and medical advice and are not rushIng into anything which is your prerogative.

I'm sure you would agree (and in fact I'm sure you have stated) that you like the fact that this thread is also lighthearted and cheers you up.

I am very much aware that talking about crumpets does nothing to solve your problems, but if it takes your mind off them then that's a good thing.

Sleep well.

humour is important, yes. but so is REAL and PRACTICAL advice.

and now, I really am off.

Seriously. Porto is subject to a witch hunt. No matter what she bloody posts, somebody is in there, kicking with their size nines.

Sometimes, OPs DO want advice from posters. I guess this gets called any which way though, it would appear, depending on whether people want to stick the knife into Porto.

Or whether one is in the 'in' club or not. I feel ashamed for how this thread has turned out. I've de-lurked here not for offering Lou advice/support - whichever has been appropriate - but to say can people PLEASE not be so personally unpleasant. It's disgraceful how rude some posters are being on here.

Before sticking the knife into a poster that you don't like - or jump on the bandwagon thereof - just stop and think for 5 seconds - do you REALLY have to be so unpleasant and personally vindictive.

It's disgraceful and does nobody proud, it really doesn't.

I sadly feel that Porto suffers from that malady of "Having to have the last word".

WetAugust - yes of course she does. Something that hasn't stopped others posting inaccurate stuff on the threadl. So I hope you are being ironic.

You are wrong, Porto. Lou hasn't got to talk to Chutney. She hasn't got to expect him to be reasonable in any way, shape or form. His recent actions indicate that would be very unwise. I've got no idea why you're fighting his corner, even to the extent of guessing how he felt about ttc How the hell can you know that?

If I didn't know you from FWR, I'd say you were 'mansplaining'. I haven't got a clue why you're doing it. But please stop.

FWIW, I had a string of counsellors focusing on my behaviour whilst the real problem was that I was in two highly abusive relationships (H and boss). Sure, I learned a lot of useful stuff but it would have been a damn sight more helpful if they'd had the nous to recognise what was being done to me and describe it. No-one did until I found Mumsnet Relationships More recently, a no-nonsense, feminist psychotherapist helped flesh out some details. I'm sure that, if I hadn't had the benefit of MN's wisdom by then, she'd have told me. Good for her.