I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Afternoon Lou, hope the bank holiday weekend gives you a few days to relax and regroup. What a whirlwind of emotion you've endured over the past few weeks.

Enjoy the BBQ and the fab new hair, safe in the knowledge your solicitor has got the ball rolling wrt potential divorce proceedings. Circumstances like these don't get resolved overnight unfortunately, but you know you're taking steps towards your new life. Enjoy your weekend, I hope he leaves you alone for now.

Enjoying a relaxing day at home. Watching rubbish TV, made myself a veggie chilli and now about to go round to my parents for some tea. BBQ tomorrow, then another friend coming over on Monday. For a couple of hours this afternoon I even forgot about how shite my life is at the moment (and had a little doze too,....)

Hope you're all having a nice day. It's ok here, sunny and warm.

Petitioner has to claim divorce costs against the Respondent. They had just changed the form when I did this last Sept, and sol's secretary forgot to tick the costs box. So sol bore cost of divorce, as it was their mistake. This was probably all to the good anyway as it kept ex calmer for longer - though as he was utter twat this is all relative.

of your sunny & warm, lou!

glad you're having a chilled day

(grey & wet here - but on the bright side, we haven't had any of those torrential downpours) (yet...)

It would be a good idea not to asume either party will be liable for the legal costs of the other, there are courts where the common practice is not to award costs to either party. And as portofino's link indicate many can easily go up to into the tens of thousands.
It is also a good idea not to asume you will be getting spousal maintenance as this is very very rarely awarded and only if the ex had enough resources to provide it, considering Lou's ex is an academic with already another household/child to take care of, it is unlikely something significant will come out of it.

It is important to note that a divorce involve 3 legal processes:

1. The divorce itself
   Thankfully, in this wonderful country nobody will be kept legally married against their will, once one asks for it, that's it. This process is the simplest and cheapest to do. I was the petitioner, did it myself and it costed peanuts. I was never asked to pay the costs if the ex.

2. arrangent for the care of children. You can agree to these, fill the form, submit to court. And if everything is satisfactory, that's the end of it. In addition to this, you can try to get tesidence, contact, prohibition of steps oders if needed. Court orders for child maintenance are not worth the expense, as within a year either party can apply to the CSA (o new system) and reduce/up the maintenance to Csa calculation.

3. Separation of assets. Again, if you have no equity in the house, no other significant assets, you will be better off if you get to an agreement between yourselves. There is no point of spending thousands and months/years in court if the value of the disputed property is just a few thousand pounds.

You sort each of these process individually, you can sort the divorce tomorrow and the others in 10 years time or visceversa.

PortofinoIt did mention it on my decree absolute and I was a bit surprised (useless solicitor again) and wasn't expecting it. Can remember being a bit mortified and putting it away quickly.

I had to hand it to the registrar when I got remarried (when we did all the pre-wedding paperwork) and she said "I expect you wont mind that you wont ever see it again". I asked if I should keep a copy and she said "no need, it will be all in our paperwork" so perhaps they have a way of linking it now.

I definitely did not pay the costs (although I am surprised he didnt go for that one as well).

Anyway all a bit irrelevant for Lou for the next few weeks as I sounds as if you have your priorities right.

'Separation of assets. Again, if you have no equity in the house, no other significant assets, you will be better off if you get to an agreement between yourselves. There is no point of spending thousands and months/years in court if the value of the disputed property is just a few thousand pounds.'

If this is possible, it is the best way to go, with the question of visitation/custody of the baby if delivered also possible to mediate.

Divorce is essentially about division of assets and drawing a legal line under the legal marriage. It is not about a judge wagging a finger at a cad and saying 'You are a pimple on the arse of humanity, Chutneymeister'. You have to deal with the emotional aspect of it separately.

hi,regarding divorce etc

in my case 4 yrs ago the divorce went through first,then we went to mediation took 2 sessions to hammer out the financial side,3 dc's and morgaged property that ex owned before we married

was told that now thats how most divorces go

enjoy your weekend op

But surely you might NEED it - applying for a passport, or if you wanted to remarry in a different area. I think you can apply for a copy from the court. The Decree Absolute comes from the court, so I don't think it can have been the fault of your solicitor.

also neither me or ex had costs as we were covered by legal aid

legal aid even paid for change of wills because of divorce,i was very suprised at that

Link here that shows what info is on a Decree Absolute There is a copy of one here. I am really concerned about some of the legal info being posted on this thread. I read somewhere of someone filing their decree nisi/decree absolute. This is absolutely NOT how the process works.

its a good job Lou has her own solicitor to give the correct advice then

We can all go back to discussing chutney and such!!!

Is a man bringing a Load of chutney now an official red flag for relationships?

Yes - Lou sounds perfectly intelligent too - but sometime you get lurkers who read the thread - so it is not good that inaccurate info is posted as fact.

love it cockbollocks

Whoever said it must have meant filling the forms and submitting them to court. (I apologise if it was me, I thought it was self explanatory)

TBH what I am most concerned about is people advicing to go into the minutiae of things (ie. getting him to pay the bills via court may cost way more than paying the bills youself) and suggesting he will be asked to cover her costs. That is very very unlikely, unless his demands for contact/assets are extremely ridiculous. As abhorrent as his behaviour is, it doesn't bear any weight in how the financial side is sorted.

I love home made tomato chutney, but after my divorce... Branstons it is..

There :-)

I wasnt intending to provide legal advice, merely commenting on my own experiences. I have certainly renewed my passport and didnt need it.

Anyway, as I said, not relevant to the thread.

Well I've just had lovely baked camembert while admiring the rolling Derbyshire hillsides from our camper van!

I also have sunburn - yes actual sunburn sustained while BBQing earlier this afternoon.

Positively lovely

Glad you've had a lovely day, Babylon, have we recovered from the quiche experience?

Hey Lou, just had a lovely Sunday lie in and woke up. (Different timezone, haha!) And wanted to say I hope you're feeling as strong as you sound. Seems your support system in real life and on here grows stronger every day!!

Wonder how his is going?

Does out of date chutney count?

Enjoy the village bbq today. It nice and sunny here today.

Well I think I've decided I like a good quiche

(keeps eating chutney) I can't imagine being asked to show the decree absolute to get a passport, you see portofino, we are all talking rubbish to some extent.

I would expect though that it would become handy if I was landed with a bill to pay exh's debts acquired after the divorce though.
(back to the chutney)