I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Well you sound on good form Lou in spite of what's going on. Hope the weather holds out for the barby, forecast is a bit grim in Shropshire, I can feel a change in the air, it feels a bit chilly . Have a good day.

Morning Lou,
Quite right, your health has to come first. I can see that people are concerned about your financial/legal situation but you have to tackle things in the most logical/practical way for you. As you say, if he gets in first with the divorce thing, so be it - either way, you'll still be divorced. I don't know how admissible as evidence of his emotional abuse and unreasonable behaviour this thread would be, but if you were to use it, you may need to get some of the comments/messages removed - particularly any references to detectoring! :)

Having a quiet day and dying your hair sound like therapeutic activities to me. You have reminded me that I need to recolour mine, but I am thinking of holding off until next week. Got a sombre few days ahead.

Keep on with the black humour and jokes, if it helps, its worth it. I too use humour as a coping mechanism and there have been times when people have looked horrified at what has come out of my mouth. Sod 'em, that's what I say. :)

If you fancy a treat (if you have a sweet tooth) Tescos were selling GU (single pot) chocolate mousses for around £1.20 - a bit of a luxury but it was a big pot, and it's vegetarian.

Ah, thanks NotGeoff I might look into those mousses. I am starting to get my appetite back, which I guess is the pregnancy kicking in.

"I too use humour as a coping mechanism and there have been times when people have looked horrified at what has come out of my mouth. Sod 'em, that's what I say."

Yes, me too,......

De lurking to say how well you are doing.

Word of warning re the hair dye, please do a patch test first, wait a day and do another one. With my fourth pregnancy I suddenly became allergic to stuff that I wasn't before including ordinary face creams and hair dye including coloured shampoos - would hate for you to wake up with a face like a football like I did . Pregnancy can do funny things to you .

Have a peaceful weekend.

Oh when my DH moved out and in with OW, his solicitor recommended he divorced me for my unreasonable behaviour so be prepared.

Hello Lou,

You don't need to justify yourself sweetheart. Those of us who have been following your situation from the start totally get you and where you are coming from.

Have a good day. The fatigue from early pregnancy coupled with exhaustion from an extremely stressful situation would floor anyone. Try your best to put it all in a box in your head for thinking about next week and get some space.

BUT! Love the hair plan and what are you wearing to the BBQ???!

xxxxx

Probably doesn't make much difference but may be worth bearing in mind that some people think you should wait until after 12 weeks to dye your hair during pregnancy ....

Morning Lou, you sound stronger this morning and I hope your hair is lovely.

Portofino - I thought Lou had repeatedly asked you to stop posting on her thread Why would you keep coming back? If you really want to 'help' Lou maybe you could respect her wishes and stay away.

Morning Lou

Just wanted to encourage you to have a restful day today. First trimester is exhausting and you need to rest as much as possible. I remember it well - I was so so tired!

I'm resisting the veggie ravioli but keep being tempted every time you mention it! Mmmm....

I hope you have a restful day. It's pourIng down with rain here so I'm having a sofa day too. DD is off with her Dad.

Do things at your own pace as you want. I'm still shell shocked over my STBXH walking out but could have filed my decree absolute this week.....

A factor to consider is, if divorcing for unreasonable behaviour or adultery, the person accused of such is liable for the cost of the divorce itself (about 1k). However, that does not include anything else such as separating the finances, which actually costs more than the divorce. That side of things usually gets sorted between decree nisi and decree absolute.

My H was only liable for the costs if he defended the divorce which he didnt.

I have 3 weeks to decide what to do about the pregnancy. This is my priority right now, not filing for divorce. If he gets in first then so be it, I'll be disappointed, but my health and my right to make a decision on the pregnancy is my main concern at the moment. Once that is decided, then I will proceed whichever I feel is best.

I think you're being very sensible in weighing up the pregnancy issue first. He won't be filing for divorce anytime soon, don't worry about that. At some point one of you will have to, and the quickest and easiest way is to do it on the grounds of adultery. You don't have to name anyone, you don't have to provide evidence of dates/places. It isn't like that any more. He is hardly likely to fight it.

Just concentrate on doing what's best for you. I only suggested doing some reading by way of preparation - but obviously you have a bigger decision to make in relation to the pregnancy. Not just whether you want to go ahead or not, but whether you want his continued presence in your life or not.

Unless children are involved, divorce is simply a financial and administrative matter.

Hi Lou :) just trying to catch up and want to say I still think you're doing fab xx

Regarding the utility bills ( I've missed the part about this so forgive me if this has already been said)
The key to open the meter box is sold in B&Q( and other hardware shops) for a few pounds or ask neighbours to borrow one, they're universal. If you need to provide reads, try and do so to give you an exact bill (what twatface needs to pay)
The key is so customers can read their own meters as it's their responsibility to provide regular reads (by law energy companies only have to do it once every 2 years unless you request it, there's a problem with it or there's a vulnerability)
I can't speak for all energy providers but can for npower.....
The bills outstanding.... unfortunately will be Lou's responsibility as she lived in the property with the account holder (they class it as a domestic situation, something that you need to sort out between yourselves shocking in some cases but that's their policy) You can call them, if you get a nice advisor, ask them to work out what the bill is up to the point of H leaving (they can do it roughly but close enough, I've done it many times for people in similar situations)
If bills are high then ask for an extended payment plan- you will be offered 3,6 then 12 plans but sometimes customers can't afford the "maximum" 12 month plan and it's setting them up for a fall imo :( if you stressed, under your current circs that you WILL NOT be able to manage it then its at the advisor's discretion to act accordingly (or ask to speak with a manager)

Hope you enjoy the BBQ and that you're having better weather than we are up north it's shite x

On the hair dye debate....NHS seem to recommend in a circumspect way not to dye hair until after 12 weeks.

www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/949.aspx?CategoryID=54&SubCategoryID=131#close

Oh, how odd SkyeBlueSapphire, my STBExH didn't contest either but still got sent the bill.

LouP, hope the counselling brings you the resolution you seek. Much support to you xx

Really? My sols is supposed to be one of the best but i do wonder sometimes?

Hope you are enjoying your lazy day Lou, I am :-)

This is quite a good link that explains who is liable for the costs.

It might be an idea to have someone on hand to read the letters from the solicitor for you - or before you do. Just to give you a heads up about what's in them before you read them yourself ( if you read them yourself). They can be very upsetting so be prepared and read them 10 steps back. and disengage emotionally. no, hang on, that's practically impossible. ok, approach them like a crab - sidle up to them sideways or don't read them at all but get someone else to tell you what's in them .

I did dye my hair at less than 12 weeks.

Absolutely no reason not to dye your hair in pregnancy, just do a patch test in case you're more sensitive to the chemicals.

It doesnt really matter why or who as long as the divorce goes through, but the thing that I didnt realise and that burned me for ages was that it said that i had been divorced for adultery on the divorce certificate. Not important in the scheme of things, bu I hated that and was very happy to hand it in for good when I got married again.

Lou, you definitely deserve the three days off, I hope you manage some R&R.

My midwife told me there was absolutely no reason not to dye my hair when preg (thank god!).

Yep on hairdye I was told you would need such huge amounts to affect baby that risk was low. Patch test issue is relevant as my skin went loony when pregnant.

Lambzig - it DOES though - as the respondant pays.

I didn't think it mentioned the reason on the Decree Absolute - it doesn't on mine. Also, where did you hand it in - out of interet. You need to keep it, I believe in case, god forbid, you should divorce and remarry again - you need to provide all the docs. My dh has been divorced twice and to provide both decree absolutes when we registered to marry - he had a right bugger finding them.