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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

999 replies

LouP19 · 22/08/2012 09:53

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Smile
OP posts:
naturalbaby · 23/08/2012 17:28

delurking as well to say I wanted to say what ohdearnigel said as well! I'm suddenly making plans and doing things I never imagined doing, it's been bloody hard work looking after a baby but I'm a new person now and looking forward to taking steps I never had the guts to before.

Bluepenny · 23/08/2012 17:29

It usually takes someone outside of the relationship to spot the narcissist - it was someone from MN that picked up my XPs behaviour and then it all made sense. I continue to read up on it and have gone with the "no contact" - everything else is feeding the supply he needs, whether it be positive or negative.

I've never regretted having my DS and went through pregnancy alone and have remained a single parent - XP has been in DS's life, but if I knew then what I know now...I would have handled XP differently (but chose the quiet life), but not changed my decision to have my DS.

I had gone through 12 years of being told I was highly unlikely to be able to have children (including 2 years of fertility treatment) - we split up and I found out I was pregnant naturally. So similarly to Lou, the head vs. heart thoughts and ultimate decision, was never going to match my dream of 2 loving parents together with their longed for child and likely my only chance of having one (age and fertility considered). I have a wonderful pre-teen (is it possible those two words go together?!) who I wouldn't change for the world.

However, it's been a rocky ride with his father and DS has decided to cut him out of his life recently as he sees him for the "me me me" man-child/narcissist that he is - DS is almost 12. XP saw DS regularly without fail from birth to May this year - it was another form of "feed" for his father - to control and so on. And of course, trying to do the same to me along the way in various subtle and indirect ways (after the direct ones failed!).

Lou, I hope the counselling will really help you reach what you think is best for you. Then whatever you decide, you have great family, friends, colleagues (and a MN fanbase) who will support you thereafter.

Bluepenny · 23/08/2012 17:34

garlicnuts - spot on Sad

LaLaGabby · 23/08/2012 17:41

Hi Lou, hope you are keeping as well as can be hoped in the circumstances.

Your STBXH's behavior is shocking, awful and sick, but I think I can see from some of the patterns what type of person he is and how he deals with things.

It seems like from start to finish he has dealt with his lying, deception and bad faith by inventing some version of events in which he is blameless, and then acting it out. When this goes wrong he blames other people. mainly you for the fallout. I would say this is classic narcissism - it is like a reality filter that doesn't allow anything through that reflects badly on him.

First was the situation when he was cheating on you. The utter effrontery of what he did is almost unbelievable - attacking you for being paranoid about his work meetings. In this little world in his head, he actually was at work all those times and you were the jealous, suspicious little woman at home, who didn't understand how much important work he had to do.

I am pretty sure that he also reinvented the situation for the OW too. No doubt he was either 'separated', or 'about to be separated', and you were painted as the one who was pushing him out into her arms.

I think the chutney situation might have been for the benefit of his parents. He knew what he was doing was unforgivable, not just by you, but by anyone reasonable who knew you both.
What he was trying to set up was 'I made mistakes - but Lou threw me out without any hope of coming back'. It simply makes no sense for someone to leave taking everything they own including kitchen utensils and food, but then be setting up counseling appointments a few days later. But what if you had put his possessions on the doorstep and told him never to come back? Full of remorse, and wishing for nothing more than reconciliation, he books the appointment. But you were so hard-hearted that you wouldn't even let him collect the letter, let alone go to the counseling, closing off all possibility of saving the marriage. No doubt his parents heard something like this. In a little while your 'side of the story' will be erased from history, leaving his new child and partner as the natural progression after you destroyed the marriage.

Undoubtedly the OW got some BS story like this too. After him trying to be honest with you about his mistakes, you were so vindictive as to not let him see his baby at the scan, concerned father that he was. The catfood is another little setup - he is filled with concern for the poor cats, you won't allow him to see them. He was probably hoping that you refuse the food angrily - so that he can play the victim some more - desperately worried in case you are starving the cats to punish him.

It sounds like his parents will eventually be happy for him to pull the wool over their eyes. The question is whether the OW will too - or whether she will soon be catching you up in realizing what a dangerous, manipulative little psycho this man is.

Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 17:54

That's a great thread title. I'm sorry about all the flash backs :(

droves · 23/08/2012 18:01

Being blunt , can I just say some of us on here found out our ex's were arseholes too . It does get better .

After I split from my exh , I thanked him for being such a bastard, because of the way he is I left him and became very happy.

It was a good thing , but I didn't see it at the time .

fiventhree · 23/08/2012 18:10

Droves, it's true.

Many of us have got emails and memories of old conversations where we were told in a hundred different ways that we were unreasonable and selfish.

Only to find out that er we were not mad, they werent committed to us, they were liars and they were seeing OW, amongst other secrets they had.

Im sort of grateful too, actually, as I would never have spent the time I did afterwards working out what the hell ws wrong with me to have believed such bullshit.

Fizzylemonade · 23/08/2012 18:11

I have been lurking all the way through 3 threads of this and LouP you are amazing.

I just wanted to say that a very good friend of mine had a baby on her own at the age of 42. She went down the sperm bank route and spent in excess of £10k to get pregnant.

She now has a beautiful baby and a lot of support from friends and family.

You only have to read on here how unsupported some women are even with a husband in the house. You are clearly very strong and you could raise a baby.

clam · 23/08/2012 18:16

"I am fed up with you falling out with me"

Shock YOU falling out with HIM? And of course, he had nothing to do with it?
Wanker.

ComradeJing · 23/08/2012 18:17

Lou, I know I'm just one small voice in many but I wanted to say something similar to OhDearNigel ^ thread.

DH & I have a DD and DH travels a LOT for work. I often spend a lot of time being a "single" parent as we have no family around us. There are days when it is hard, and I want a break, but beyond anything, as Nigel says, I have found that I have a lot more patience than I ever dreamed, more energy and wells and reserves that I can draw on that I had no idea even existed.

However, with the amount of support you obviously have around you I think you would be less of a "single" parent than you may imagine. I can absolutely see your village (family/friends) raising any child you might have now or in the future.

I'm very, very strongly pro choice. I think you are strong enough and smart enough to make the right choice for you. I have no idea what that choice is and the only person whose business it is is yours.

Hope you don't feel this post is out of line. I think you're an amazing, strong and courageous woman and you will figure out what is the right choice.

LouP19 · 23/08/2012 18:39

Wow, some brilliant posts again, thank you very very much. Especially LaLaGabby

Someone asked what he was like in public with me. Well, usually he was absolutely fine, but there were occasional moments when he would absolutely floor me with a loud public insult. I remember an incident in a supermarket a couple of years ago, and he swore at me very loudly in a very busy supermarket aisle. Everyone saw and heard and I was mortified. I remember walking around after him with tears stinging in my eyes, but I daren't challenge him because I knew he would be very cross with me. And I had no reason why. He didn't do this very often (obviously, because the guard would've been down), but there were times when he showed no awareness of how inappropriate his behaviour was to me.

One of my old neighbours (an old lady, I tend to attract them where I live! Smile ) rang my Mum up and to see how I was. My Mum said that he had a very different side to him that people didn't often see. And the old neighbour immediately said something along the lines of 'Yes, I know, the people attached to them always heard him shouting at her'.

This mortified me. But it's true, and it's another thing I've lived in denial of, or hoped that the 'Don't Shout So Much Fairy' would also visit him. And you know when we moved to this house on the first evening I asked him if he wouldn't shout at me so loudly any more because I didn't want our new neighbours to hear. And I got the usual spiel of 'Don't press my buttons'.

OP posts:
clam · 23/08/2012 18:40

My bf's ex-h used to put her down all the time. She's a consultant gastroenterologist ffs! But he'd be nip, nip nipping. All the bloody time. Hard to watch.

MadBusLady · 23/08/2012 18:41

I asked him if he wouldn't shout at me so loudly any more because I didn't want our new neighbours to hear. And I got the usual spiel of 'Don't press my buttons'.

Sad

Oh Lou. I know people keep saying this but you are SO much better off without him.

clam · 23/08/2012 18:48

So, next time you have a conversation with him and he brings up the "we can't reconcile because you'll never forgive me," you can say, "no, we can't reconcile because I'd rather chew my own arm off than share my life with your bastard way of treating me."

sugarice · 23/08/2012 18:50

Oh Lou what a bastard he sounds the more you reveal!

catsrus · 23/08/2012 18:58

ah Lou, sounds like you owe the OW a nice big "thank you" card Wink. I had to restrain myself from sending one to exH's OW [evil cats emoticon].

Over the next few months and years I think it will become clearer to you what an oppressive relationship it really was - it took me a while to really be able to acknowledge it publicly - but in my heart of hearts I knew pretty early on I was better away from him.

It sounds like you have a fab support network, don't be afraid to call on them, whatever you decide to do.

LurkingAndLearningLovesCats · 23/08/2012 19:02

Thinking of you Lou xx

Houseofplain · 23/08/2012 19:06

Eugh he really was abusive. I do think you ow the other woman a drink.

You know abusers escalate in pregnancy or when children come along. You are really well rid!

epeesarepointythings · 23/08/2012 19:25

Just delurking to say that you sound like you are getting stronger by the day. You're seeing through him like he's a window.

Lambzig · 23/08/2012 20:08

The more that you say about him, the more dreadful he sounds. From what you describe, its is no wonder he is still trying to contact you, he seems to like the control of it. You are doing the perfect thing by not responding.

LouP19 · 23/08/2012 20:22

Thing is, he was so nice most of the time I hoped the bad bits would go away. Sad

I said to my Mum that I always secretly feared he would do something like this to me, even when the relationship was good.

Seeing a counsellor on Tuesday morning. Had a text from his Dad that says he's sorry and that he hopes I find someone who 'loves you and my grandchild'.

MY grandchild?!!! Like father like son, eh?!!

OP posts:
JustSpiro · 23/08/2012 20:25

WTAF?!

Shock Angry

lissielou · 23/08/2012 20:29

Im confused, why is his dad referring to the baby as "my grandchild" bad? it is his grandchild.

Im not being antagonistic, i just dont understand.

tribpot · 23/08/2012 20:29

I can't quite believe how monumentally inappropriate that is to send to someone who has not yet decided what to do about her pregnancy Confused

Plenty of people will be able to tell you on here from first hand experience, Lou, that most abusers are so nice most of the time. That's how they do it - yet oftentimes with hindsight it becomes clear that the times you would characterise as so nice were more just relief that the nastiness had stopped, or because you happened to be doing whatever he wanted.

Think back to the incident you posted about last year. Think of the excuses you made and the rationalisation for how his behaviour was justifiable. It wasn't. But you had been persuaded to believe that it was. The so nice is part of the training.

blackcurrants · 23/08/2012 20:30

Oh Lou there's not enough WTAFuckingF in the whole, wide world!

Angry