I'm quite happy with a jar of Branstons

[LouP19]

Morning all.

Talking of Toast Toppers, he took 2 tins of that as well. Yes, really.

My pantry is now full of Heinz cheese ravioli and Tesco sausage and beans.

Can I recommend pages 66-67 of the September issue of Style at Home magazine, next time you are in the supermarket stocking up on ravioli?

You might find it relevant to the gaps in your kitchen cupboards

Afternoon, loved reading your comments, especially the poem. That was brilliant!!

Good solicitors appointment this morning, fingers crossed we can get something sent out tomorrow so he should get it on Saturday. She wanted to ring him up and demand an address from him. I've said 'no' as I'd like him to stew for a couple more days as to what my plans are,...

Like the idea of wrapping up some cat shit for him too! I nearly threw all the cat food in the bin, but then thought better of it. It was expensive cat food, so what the hell, I'll keep it. But I do think there's some ploy there definitely. He texted later in the evening to say 'It was a simple present for you and the cats, nothing more, nothing less. I have apologised repeatedly for what I have done, I never meant to hurt you intentionally'. And then 'How was your scan?'.

Ignored!

A friend came round last night who had a baby on her own at 35. She opened my eyes up a bit and said it was the best thing she ever did. Really got me thinking. At the moment I see it as a burden and something that may hold me back, she portrayed the complete opposite. But admitted it was hard at times. She's since met someone and had another baby, but she's very confident and capable and had always known she would probably have a baby on her own.

I'll go to the BBQ, but come clean to my friend and say I'm a bit nervous about it and if I need to leave earlier is that ok,.... etc etc.

Thank you again for all you wonderful comments.

And Lambzig so sorry to hear your dreadful story too. But thank you for sharing it with me and giving me hope that there's light at the end of all this.

Great update Lou. Good to see things going your way & you have a good solicitor. I agree with those who said the cat food present was a cover for trying to get back in the house. Go back to ignoring. It rattles him & makes you stronger!

Onwards & upwards. Enjoy the BBQ (you may need to take a mac though!)

I think my main concern in your shoes regarding the pregnancy would be that having the baby would mean being tied to him as co-parents for at least 18 years! That would be my only concern really. You are strong and capable so I'm sure you would manage, it's just a question of whether or not that is a situation you want to manage, and that's completely your choice either way. Your friend is right though, single parenting is tough but fantastic.

Hello Lou,
I'm glad you feel you have made some progress with the solicitor at last.

In the text Chutney sent you I think "I never meant to hurt you intentionally" must be betrayer-speak for "none of this is really my fault". So was the poor man forced into it?! No, he deliberately made choices that he KNEW would hurt you. Well done for not replying Lou.

Try to take it easy over the next few days, plenty of R&R!

Hi Lou, great that all went well with sols. A gift of cat food??? Nothing more nothing less.... Words fail....

Your mate sounds great btw- I had my son at 36, and I have found that I am more driven, focused and have more purpose than I ever had before. Admittedly social life is not what it was...no hangovers for me any more!!!!

'Didn't mean to hurt you intentionally'? it was all just an accident then, the lying and deceit and shagging another woman. What a dickhead!

Glad your Solicitor visit went well.

lambzig what a complete twunt was

Lou, glad the sols went well.

"I didnt intentionally mean to hurt you". I had the same from my twunt. He didnt talk to me when he was unhappy because he didnt want to upset me. So he decided to stop loving me, that the marriage was over and walked out instead, when I had no idea anything was wrong. So the comment "I didnt mean to hurt you, Im sorry", is a little bit meaningless isnt it..... for both you and me!

I too had my DD at 36, she is now 4. One of the things that I said to twunt was that I would never have had a child at that age if I knew he was going to walk out 4 years later and leave me a single mother. (not that I would wish my DD away, but you know what I mean...). But I am so glad that I have her, she is the light at the end of the tunnel, a reason for me to keep going. We are so close now that he has gone, she loves me and I love her. As she gets older I hope that we will be great friends. and being an older mum means that I dont want to be out partying all the time. (not that I ever did really, lol).

One day my DD will be old enough to understand what her father did by walking out right out of nowhere and its him that will suffer for that, while me and her will hopefully always have a close loving friendship.

You are doing so well.

Boredandrestless that would be my concern too

I never meant to hurt you intentionally. I just slipped and my penis fell into the OW. And later I accidentally got a van, packed up everything I own, including chutney and car washing sponge. It just happened, i didn't mean to!

Yes, that's how those things generally happen.

I have apologised repeatedly for what I have done
Oh, well, that's alright then. Cos clearly it doesn't matter what you've done as long as you say sorry enough times

I never meant to hurt you intentionally So he didn't think that getting someone else knocked up while you were TTC at a fertility clinic, stripping your home of stuff without warning, moving in with the OW, repeatedly coming back to take more stuff and STEALING YOUR CHUTNEY would hurt you ?????

Point of order, OhDearNigel: the chutney was his. Let us not blacken this man's name unnecessarily

Lou it was a long time ago and it stopped hurting more than a decade ago. Just wanted you to know that your GP saying 4 years to get over it was what I got told too and at the time it was awful, you think "oh god, I cant go through 4 years feeling like this". Believe me you wont, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you seem to be getting there fast.

On this thread, even at what must be one of the worst times in your life, you are coping really well. You sound more than capable of having a baby by yourself and you seem to have a good network of friends and family to support if thats what you decide to do.

As for "I never meant to hurt you intentionally", FGS, take some responsibility for your actions man. Has he never heard of cause and effect.

I think what the phrase is intended to mean is "my primary intention was not to hurt you, but I did whatever the hell I wanted to and if that hurt you as a side-effect, well shit happens".

Boredandrestless makes a good point but maybe that is a question for your sol about how you can keep relationship on as arms length terms as possible ie about contact, maintenance , what he has say in and doesn't.

I strongly suspect that unless you give birth to a jar of chutney (and a poncey one at that rather than branstons) chutney won't be that hands on.

Others have got their own personal experience but as a child of a chutney (dumped my mum when I was 2 and ds 6 months to do his own thing - which was drugs and booze). I didn't suffer overly as my mum was great. She found me and dsis were her light at end of tunnel. She also met and married my lonely dad (stepdad but he adopted us) when I was 4 so there is hope .

Hang on in there and do whatever you need for you.

Hi Lou - actually I think it would be great for him to get a call from a solicitor demanding to know his address - it would put the wind right up him!

Shredded tissue paper WTAF?

He sounds most odd.

Stif - I actually think your response is unnecessarily rude and a bit of an over reaction to a fairly normal question. She could just say 'not yet' and leave it at that - it's much more polite and would be less likely to drive people (who could be potential new friends) away.

Oh, and well done for ignoring his text - you know how that drives him potty!

"I never meant to hurt you intentionally" = I DID NOT THINK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, ONLY ABOUT MYSELF

Just been looking at emails from him that I've received whilst I've been at work. The last few weeks he was getting increasingly tetchy with me and I was baffled as to why. Some examples:

' I am fed up with you falling out with me'

'Both my phones are on low charge so I can't call'

'I hope you understand that I do not just 'invent' meetings to go to deliberately to avoid being with you'

'I just get frustrated when it seems that you are blaming me for normal events in my work diary'

ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

And it's all utter bullshit.

I suspect that he won't be a hands on dad either. He would just go to his parents and let them do it all. In fact they would be potentially more of a nuisance I think insisting on seeing their grandchild, even though their rights to contact are only if the parents agree. I think it will be the same with the other child.

The cat food thing was classic head messing. Also he's being careful with texts to try and sound as reasonable as possible in case they are used against him.

Glad the solicitor was helpful Lou.

I suppose it all makes some grim
Sense now but I can see why you were so confused and upset at time. Honestly the
More you say , the more I think you are better off without him.

' I am fed up with you falling out with me'

Well, if he is trying to make his texts look as reasonable as possible, he is failing.

If you read that, it does not sound normal. More normal would be " I am fed up with us falling out"

YOU falling out with ME makes sure you know it is YOUR fault, not his! Think he is very transparent and, obviously, utterly self-absorbed.

'I hope you understand that I do not just 'invent' meetings to go to deliberately to avoid being with you' - THOUGH MY 'MEETINGS' MAY BE WITH AN OW